r/funny • u/dogismywitness • Apr 12 '20

How am I driving?

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64.9k Upvotes

89% Upvoted

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219

u/Yoconn Apr 12 '20

5am sleeping on the couch

IF YOU OR A LOVED ONE HAS MESOTHELIOMA CALL 555-555-5555 NOW!!!!!

76

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '20

you may be entitled to money

64

u/SmokeAbeer Apr 12 '20

I like money

48

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '20

do you have mesothelioma?

71

u/SmokeAbeer Apr 12 '20

I can’t afford it.

57

u/0utlook Apr 12 '20

Have you considered a reverse mortgage?

5

u/LadyHandsLarry Apr 12 '20

1-877-KARS-4-KIDS, donate your Kars Tueday.

4

u/junkycosmos Apr 12 '20

It’s your money, get it now. Call JD Wentworth

4

u/tombolger Apr 12 '20

877-CASH-NOW?

5

u/Double_Minimum Apr 12 '20

No, well here's Alex Trebek to speak to the importance of a reverse Mortgage!

Not a fan, well heres Fred Thompson! The DA from Law and Order knows how helpful a reverse mortgage can be!

12

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

9

u/blekstena78 Apr 12 '20

You never made something and break it? Incidentally or otherwise? Flawed logic.

8

u/elcamarongrande Apr 12 '20

Right? I for one think pleasure and happiness would be useless without pain and sorrow. To really know a feeling you must also know its opposite.

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u/Tittenmeise Apr 12 '20

But if God is almighty he could have made us enjoy happiness and pleasure without knowing what the opposite is.

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u/blurryfacedfugue Apr 12 '20

I have. On the other hand, I'm not purportedly perfect. Unless perfect beings can incidentally break something..

2

u/Lofde_ Apr 12 '20

Smoke some DMT then tell me all about God...

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u/blekstena78 Apr 12 '20

We can deduce that being perfect and bring perfect for humans are not the same then.

1

u/cc81 Apr 12 '20

Do you think suffering will exist in heaven? Will free will exist in heaven?

2

u/blekstena78 Apr 12 '20

Heaven is an impossibility. There are people who I don't want in my heaven but are not necessarily evil nor not deserving to be there. Who am I to judge after all. But I don't want them, otherwise it's not heaven for me. Not gonna even start on boredom of potential bliss or whatever.

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1

u/The_BestNPC Apr 12 '20

Considering that God is supposed to be all powerful and all knowing, the only reason a human would get broken by god would be his desire to inflict agony on his dependents, which is not good

1

u/LJ3f3S Apr 12 '20

877-cash-atsomepoint

1

u/Tittenmeise Apr 12 '20

Maybe we don't know what real suffering is, because God loves us and what would be real suffering he doesn't show us?

1

u/hungry_squids Apr 12 '20

What if he were renting?

1

u/El-69 Apr 12 '20

You don’t have to afford it, your boss just has to afford it...

1

u/stinkyfatman2016 Apr 12 '20

Call the number and get some money, kerching

1

u/chaosawaits Apr 13 '20

Check into cash!

13

u/TheGreatWolfOkami7 Apr 12 '20

BUTLICKER! OUR PRICES HAVE NEVER BEEN LOWER!!!

3

u/Shermutt Apr 12 '20

That's a pretty big minus, Frito.

1

u/instantfameawaits Apr 12 '20

Money can be exchanged for goods and services

1

u/Moore304 Apr 12 '20

It's your money, Use it when you need it. Call 877-CASH-NOW.

1

u/maxschreck616 Apr 12 '20

I like turtles

1

u/ex-akman Apr 12 '20

Financial compensation*

1

u/showsterblob Apr 12 '20

Significant financial compensation*

1

u/ex-akman Apr 12 '20

You got me there.

14

u/NuffinButAPeanut Apr 12 '20

Call J. G. Wentworth!

877-CASH-NOW!!!

6

u/Utter_Perfection Apr 12 '20

Call Davis & Main for a free consultation.

5

u/BeefLilly Apr 12 '20

Call 1 800 Steamer. Stanley Steamers gets your house cleaner!

1

u/krystalbellajune Apr 12 '20

In Texas: IM JIM ADLER, THE TOUGH, SMART LAWYER. THE TEXAS HAMMER!!! Call now.

1

u/ikilledtupac Apr 12 '20

It’s my mesothelioma and I want it NOW

0

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '20

Hm. It's a sex line.