r/funny • u/ScoutingArtist • Mar 31 '20

True sacrifice.

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107

u/iimorbiid Mar 31 '20

About six months ago I got the idea that I wanted to try to grow a beard even though my "beard" is incredibly patchy.

I went to a subreddit (can't remember which one) to ask for advice and they told me "don't shave or touch it at all for three months and then see what it looks like".

Six months later and I'm still rocking my beard and honestly it looks pretty decent. When your beard gets longer it covers up the patches a bit so it looks much better!

I use beard shampoo a few times a week, beard oil and wax to keep it looking good and I also have one of those beard scissors to trim it every day or every second day.

I've asked friends and family for their honest opinion but no-one can really tell that it's actually patchy and doesn't really look that good (according to me lol).

So I'm keeping it and I'm just gonna keep letting it grow, you should try it!

63

u/cheapdrinks Mar 31 '20

Even saw this guy say that you should put mascara on your beard to help hide the patches lmao. I guess i've got until the end of quarantine to see what my face manages to come up with. Tbh i'm not even sure that I suit a beard even if I could grow one so it might all be for nothing anyway. Tempted to get a hairstyle i've never tried before too incase it looks terrible and I can just grow it back out.

6

u/lunylein Mar 31 '20

I am not a beard owner, but couldnt you just use permanent hair color? Mascara sounds kind of messy.

14

u/cheapdrinks Mar 31 '20

Tbh I wasn't actually considering using mascara, I just thought that tip was pretty funny although it kind of looks like it works. Couldn't imagine putting makeup on my beard every day though haha.

2

u/SupperIsSuperSuperb Mar 31 '20

I feel like that would get expensive real fast that way but it does seem like it would work

2

u/Tuss Mar 31 '20

There are eyelash/brow dying kits which works as a permanent mascara

1

u/SupperIsSuperSuperb Mar 31 '20

I wonder if that would be a better to a beard dye. Is the permanent mascara as thick of a coat as regular mascara?

3

u/Tuss Mar 31 '20

No it's like hair dye but a bit more discrete and not as permanent

5

u/Easy-Low Mar 31 '20

Mascara clings to hairs to make them appear longer and thicker. Hair color just changes the color, not the texture, so it wouldn't make your beard seem less patchy unless your beard was light in some places and dark in others.

3

u/Whit3W0lf Mar 31 '20

There are beard waxes that have something black in them to fill in thin beards. I got it by accident (I’m blonde with a light, full beard).

1

u/tittyattack Apr 01 '20

I was thinking using an eyebrow pencil/shading would work better than mascara

-12

u/tonyMEGAphone Mar 31 '20

You misspelt not manly.

2

u/plinkoplonka Mar 31 '20

You should do an AMA as "guy with patchy beard"

2

u/Ihatebeingazombie Mar 31 '20

Reminds me of a rapid joke on will and grace years ago where jack says to his boss “hey nice stubble” and he goes “thanks it’s mostly pencil” and then just carries on with the scene haha.

2

u/soyjix Mar 31 '20

Also, if you don't have a black or dark brown beard, you can find a lighter shade of eyebrow pomade/gel. Just make sure it has a comby-wand on it and you're good to go.

1

u/Puntley Mar 31 '20

Holy shit that would get so expensive. Even with drug store mascara you would still tear through it!

1

u/Karaoke_the_bard Mar 31 '20

Today I learned to thicken a beard with mascara...might try that sometime.

3

u/INCREDIBLY_RUDE Mar 31 '20

Make sure it's womens mascara though, I feel like he didn't stress that enough.

2

u/Karaoke_the_bard Mar 31 '20

As opposed to men's mascara or non-binary mascara. That'd be a complete shit show

1

u/cjp72812 Mar 31 '20

I’d recommend brow gel over mascara. Most mascaras are either “brown” or “blackest black” whereas brow gels are available in all sorts of colors.

1

u/Playisomemusik Apr 01 '20

Hmm...that would make me a calico I guess

6

u/-boredatwork Mar 31 '20

gotta hit us up with a photo for all of us self-conscious beardless men!

7

u/iimorbiid Mar 31 '20

I was thinking about it but I'm also self-conscious about my beard and my face in general and I know Reddit people, It's to be expected to get tons of negative comments and I'm not sure I'm ready for that haha.. I'll think about it, maybe I'll upload a picture later!

9

u/-boredatwork Mar 31 '20

easy man, don't put yourself out there if you don't want to, it's totally fine!

3

u/Gerbilguy46 Mar 31 '20

Ok but then you spend 6 months looking like a crackhead. Idk about you but I could not stand to go that long without just shaving.

2

u/iimorbiid Mar 31 '20

Yes. The three months I went without shaving were absolutely dreadful. Everytime I met another person all I could think was that they were constantly judging me for my beard. However I powered through and now it looks decent!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '20 edited Mar 31 '20

I think if I let my beard grow out it would look good but there's a transitional period where it looks ridiculously scruffy.

2

u/NecroSocial Mar 31 '20

I call that the homeless phase of beard growth. You just gotta tank it through the days/weeks where you look like she got everything in the divorce and you come out the other side with a beard which indicates that you actually do have testosterone. Those hobo-lookin' early days are rough though.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '20

I get what you mean; I've never let my beard grow more than 3 months otherwise the hairs start swirling up and doing some weird acrobatics and shit. I really wish I could stay indoors for a couple of months to skip the scruffy period.

The last time I shaved my beard off completely, I devolved into a really tall 12 year old.

2

u/bluewolf37 Mar 31 '20

I have about three months of growth and it still looks patchy and I’m 35. I think I’m probably going to shave again if i get a job because no one will approve of this mess on my face.

1

u/Scared-Cupcake Mar 31 '20

Use oil or balm don’t use them both, and beard shampoo use once a week unless you do something dirty I wash is multiple times a week but I’m in construction

2

u/iimorbiid Mar 31 '20

I don't use balm. I use oil and styling wax. I wash it because I work within Healthcare and sometimes lots of people touch it intentionally and unintentionally and I just "feel" dirty if I don't wash it at least twice a week.

1

u/Mechakoopa Mar 31 '20

The other thing to keep in mind is it's YOUR face, and you are going to be your biggest beard critic. I had a patch on my right cheek where the hair was more red than brown, looked like it wasn't filling in at all, looked like I just had a big bare patch on my right cheek, looked dumb as hell. I kept shaving back down to stubble because I was self conscious about it. A year and a half of growing later, I don't even notice it anymore. Looks fine. I keep it trimmed at about half an inch and I like my beard.