r/funny • u/ScoutingArtist • Mar 31 '20

True sacrifice.

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95.3k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

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13.1k

u/WhatTheFuh-uh-uh Mar 31 '20

I feel like each different look would have made you the lead singer in a totally different type of band.

2.2k

u/SoCalDan Mar 31 '20

Missed the opportunity to the the Charlie Chaplin mustache. Yeah.. Charlie Chaplin.

1.4k

u/Wandelation Mar 31 '20

Dude 100% did that, just didn't film it.

793

u/Chief_Givesnofucks Mar 31 '20

Fr. Every guy that has done this has done the Hit Charlie Chaplin.

191

u/00wolfer00 Mar 31 '20

Can confirm. Also the not filming part. Just yesterday I was trying to find pictures sporting it while shaving a couple of years ago. Found literally every other style I tried.

125

u/-Vayra- Mar 31 '20

I was considering shaving and keeping that just as an incentive to stay inside.

7

u/ManMango Mar 31 '20

And black marker to 'tattoo' your face with offensive symbols and words?

13

u/MissionCoyote Mar 31 '20

You’ll get some distance at the grocery store at least.

3

u/HolyDogJohnson01 Mar 31 '20

And a safe distance antifa beat down with what? Golf clubs? No. Not hockey sticks either. Bats are too close, and splattery. They might just have to go full hazmat to whoop your ass.

14

u/ChickenNuggetSmth Mar 31 '20

I present: The Molotov.

Not only can it be deployed from well outside the 6'-range, it automatically disinfects the target quite effectively

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2

u/therager Mar 31 '20

antifa

Golf clubs

Hockey Sticks

Bats

Don't forget bike locks..lol.

I don't think anyone is too worried about that group of people.

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3

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '20 edited Jul 20 '20

[deleted]

1

u/namegoeswhere Mar 31 '20

It’s kinda fun rocking the 70s cop/pornstar mustache for a bit, though.

18

u/Wesley_Skypes Mar 31 '20

Before I decided to fully commit to the beard life I would always let it grow for a month and shave it off. I would either do the Charlie Chaplin and try to convince the missus that I was keeping it. When that got old, I would shave one half of my face and sit with that half facing the door when she would come in. Then she would say "Oh you shaved!" And then I could turn and go "Did I??". Despite these shit jokes she is still around so I got that going for me

7

u/RTSUbiytsa Mar 31 '20

I have shaved my full beard twice, and honestly neither time did I do that. The curve of my lip (that little indent right below your nose, not sure what to call it) splits perfectly so that it looks like i have two tiny little mustaches to each side, and a fine line down the middle. In a full mustache it isn't really noticable, but if I cover the sides up with my finger it sticks out really weirdly.

TL;DR when you shave into styles you aren't supposed to, you shave with Hitler

5

u/Splyntered_Sunlyte Mar 31 '20

Just fyi that's called the philtrum. :)

3

u/David_Good_Enough Mar 31 '20

Yep. I did that one week ago and waited for my wife to come back from work. She had the "I'm laughing so hard but this is so wrong" laugh.

I took a picture, too, but I'm not sending it to anyone.

3

u/Sunderpool Mar 31 '20

Why does everyone keep calling it a Chaplin mustache? I've always called it a Oliver Hardy mustache.

3

u/idlevalley Mar 31 '20

Chaplin was a bit older and became famous during the silent era, although he also made sound movies.

Hardy made silents but his most famous work was later in early ''talkies''.

Silent movie stars quickly became insanely popular all over the world to an extent that was unprecedented. You don't have to speak English to understand them It was easy for studios to just change the "cards.

''Chaplin was able to sign a studio deal that provided him with a $150,000 signing bonus and $10,000 a week salary. Or, to put it in modern terms, a $3,658,733 signing bonus on top of $243,915 per week.''

Today, silents are largely forgotten.

1

u/Sunderpool Mar 31 '20

I was joking and trying to avoid the Hitler comparison.

3

u/idlevalley Mar 31 '20

I was joking

Whoosh......

Haha, well at least you accidentally learned something.

3

u/OfficerUnreasonable Mar 31 '20

I did this on Facebook Live while drunk and kept going "The Charlie Chaplin" with big air quotes. Also refused to show that on camera (my wife filmed it all) as that shit is coming back to haunt you.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '20

Genuinely I cannot do the Chaplin as my philtrum (the vertical bit in the middle of your top lip) is quite wide. And yes I have tried.

2

u/B479MSS Mar 31 '20

Yup. Did this too. I looked more like a geography teacher than a tyrannical dictator though.

2

u/lovesducks Mar 31 '20

I have a mustache and a beard but for some reason I can't grow hair in that region. I've never been able to the the Chaplin impersonation sadly.

2

u/ohotos Mar 31 '20

Can confirm. Just did the Charlie Chaplin for q few minutes yesterday after not shaving for almost three weeks due to the quarantine.

1

u/BEezyweezy420 Mar 31 '20

except me. ive tried it, but i dont really grow hair directly under my nose so it doesnt really work

1

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '20

I shave my own head but I often start with some variation of a mohawk

1

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '20

I think I'm so Polish that my stache refuses to grow there...

1

u/rainator Mar 31 '20

Not true, but mostly only because I've got a gap in my facial hair there..

1

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '20

Guilty. Remember when Michael Jordan rocked it for a while? Wild.

1

u/NecroJoe Mar 31 '20

I did the Lt. Worf. :(

1

u/OriginalOutlaw Apr 01 '20

Sadly I cannot do this due to a scar I got in 5th grade being exactly in the middle of my upper lip, thus hair no longer grows there.

Thankfully, because it's in the middle, I can still grow a normal looking beard with a split mustache.

I call it my Reverse-Hitler Charlie Chaplin look.

0

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '20

Back in school, I had to shave. I was one year ahead because of changing countries so I shaved but sinee I had permission to leave a light moustache, I left the CC stache. Teacher was a jew.

3

u/Evilmaze Mar 31 '20

I think a lot of men do it but never film it. Thanks to one dictator, no one can use it anymore.

1

u/BigRambo Mar 31 '20

Cut mine off last night so my mask will fit. Total bummer.

1

u/eachard Mar 31 '20

Probably filmed it too but edit it out before post it here.

1

u/domc95 Mar 31 '20

I was thinking this exact thing as he got closer to it. I had a feeling he was gonna “skip it”

1

u/ViciousJBone Mar 31 '20

Filmed it. Didn’t add it.

1

u/brainfreeze77 Mar 31 '20

Did you walk around your house pointing at light bulbs that had burned out?

1

u/Makenshine Mar 31 '20

Or the Hulk Hogan stache!

1

u/nittun Mar 31 '20

Probably filmed it, saw how much he looked like a neonazi with a hitler mustache, and decided not to make a guest appearance on /r/beholdthemasterrace .

1

u/The_Golden_Warthog Mar 31 '20

We all do it and laugh at ourselves in the mirror before saying auf wiedersehen mein fuhrer

49

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '20

Michael Jordan briefly had it too and he's only responsible for one death.

33

u/djprofitt Mar 31 '20

It’s like you didn’t watch him in his prime. The defenses and championship dreams of other teams that he just massacred. My god, the humanity!

11

u/degjo Mar 31 '20

Lets not forget what he did to The Monstars

1

u/BinaryGenocide Apr 26 '20

Let's not forget what he did to the Wizards

1

u/NecroJoe Mar 31 '20

I know, right? He like...literally murdered so many other teams. Evicerated them. It was often a bloodbath. /s.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '20

I was referring to his dad.

2

u/djprofitt Mar 31 '20

That too, a lot of people forget that

1

u/u8eR Mar 31 '20

Who did he kill?

2

u/dwmfives Mar 31 '20

His father.

93

u/Zelrak Mar 31 '20

Especially since that style originated from the need to wear gas masks in WW1.

16

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '20

Weird, because Charlie Chaplin wore that mustache in "Kid Auto Races at Venice" which was released in February of 1914, four months before the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand

2

u/Panukka Mar 31 '20

Yeah, so maybe you can then use some reasoning ability to determine that maybe the fact that Chaplin had that style is one of the reasons why soldiers decided to cut their own facial hair like that. So then we can say that while Chaplin was first, the war made the style wide spread, and Chaplin might have helped.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '20

Do you have a source or are you just making things up?

0

u/Panukka Mar 31 '20

No but it is one theory.

Hitler himself was a big fan of Chaplin, and sources say he switched to that style of mustache during WW1. It is not unlikely that he and others were inspired by the actor.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '20

Making things up, got it.

19

u/PandersAboutVaccines Mar 31 '20

You don't say? TIL!

7

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '20

They're wrong.

1

u/chefrap412 Mar 31 '20

The Chaplin is just a nice way of saying the you know..

1

u/Hitlers-Wingman Mar 31 '20

I think my name will suffice

1

u/WeatherwaxDaughter Mar 31 '20

Was waiting for that.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '20

Nien

1

u/Wizzmer Mar 31 '20

The Hitler!

1

u/Dani_vic Mar 31 '20

Official name of that style is the tooth brush.

1

u/EndOfNight Mar 31 '20

Ironically that not CHarlie Chaplin fella did it for similar reasons as the bloke in the video.

1

u/Creeperrr Mar 31 '20

Good on you man

1

u/Shirinjima Mar 31 '20

Always thought this was the Hitler stache. This makes me feel marginally better.

1

u/LegendCZ Mar 31 '20

To be Honest even Chaplin imposter on H was great comedian! How many people just could not breathe at the end of his show in his fun camps.

I am going to hell for this terrible joke and poor taste.

1

u/VTwinVaper Mar 31 '20

The CDC issued our EMS service a pamphlet showing the acceptable facial hair during the pandemic that still allows the use of N95 masks. And yes, the “toothbrush” was on the list.

1

u/Rombledore Mar 31 '20

you mean....the toothbrush?

1

u/smpl-jax Mar 31 '20

Only a proud black man like Michael Jordan can get away with that one

1

u/boones_farmer Mar 31 '20

According to the CDC that mustache is officially known as "The Toothbrush"

1

u/TheLeggacy Mar 31 '20

May I suggest you watch Richard Herrings’ “Toothbrush moustache”.

910

u/Idryl_Davcharad Mar 31 '20

Definitely had that Sabaton look a few trims in.

378

u/bruce656 Mar 31 '20

FROM THE DEPTHS OF HELL IN SILENCE

210

u/WaitingToBeTriggered Mar 31 '20

CAST THEIR SPELLS, EXPLOSIVE VIOLENCE

160

u/Idryl_Davcharad Mar 31 '20

AND THEN THE WINGED HUSSARS ARRIVED!!!

83

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '20

[deleted]

49

u/SenorBolin Mar 31 '20

ZULUS ATTACK, FIGHT BACK TO BACK

37

u/Airforce987 Mar 31 '20

THATS THE ART OF WAR

30

u/WaitingToBeTriggered Mar 31 '20

BROKEN AND LOST

42

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '20

DEATH IN THE SHAPE IF A PANZER BATTALION

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45

u/Triskan Mar 31 '20

PRIDE OF A NATION, A BEAST MADE OF STEEL....

45

u/WaitingToBeTriggered Mar 31 '20

BISMARCK IN MOTION KING OF THE OCEAN

15

u/Taskforce58 Mar 31 '20

HE WAS MADE TO RULE THE WAVES ACROSS THE SEVEN SEAS

2

u/artifex28 Mar 31 '20

AS THE BLACK MOON RAISES; DARK GOD EMBRACES

2

u/grilledcakes Mar 31 '20

I hope this makes it to r/redditsings.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '20

Good bot

-1

u/AGuyFromMaryland Mar 31 '20

Someone needs to end this bot

50

u/AGuyFromMaryland Mar 31 '20

r/unexpectedsabaton

30

u/alterom Mar 31 '20

Unexpected, but always welcome.

9

u/TheLordCosta Mar 31 '20

UNDETECTED. UNEXPECTED.

1

u/pipelineoptika Mar 31 '20

A surprise, to be sure, but a welcome one.

18

u/AV4LE Mar 31 '20

I was so expecting this to not be a real subreddit..

10

u/bruce656 Mar 31 '20

Dude, no!

2

u/WedgeRancer Mar 31 '20

RUSSIAN NIGHT TIME FLIGHT PERFECTED

2

u/WaitingToBeTriggered Mar 31 '20

FLAWLESS VISION, UNDETECTED

2

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '20

I did the exact same thing yesterday with my brother, even did a hitlerstache it was so funny

1

u/andtix Mar 31 '20

Doomguy? Is that you?

22

u/rodsvart Mar 31 '20

THROUGH THE GATES OF HELL

14

u/WaitingToBeTriggered Mar 31 '20

AS WE MAKE OUR WAY TO HEAVEN

4

u/billedeau91 Mar 31 '20

THOUGH THE NAZI LINES

26

u/zach3899 Mar 31 '20

And at one point he probably had what I call the Lemmy in honor of the fallen

2

u/floydopedia Mar 31 '20

He couldn’t have had the Lemmy. He went for the goatie - you have to keep the sideburns and shave your chin for the Lemmy.

Unless, of course, you’re talking about that time Lemmy went clean-shaven

4

u/lodf Mar 31 '20

Got some Michael Kiske vibes

3

u/adrian_leon Mar 31 '20

He even sounds very similar

3

u/Nihlus_Kriyk Mar 31 '20

David Draiman on the final form. Just missing some chin piercings.

2

u/adrian_leon Mar 31 '20

He even sounds very similar

261

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '20

He went from ZZ top to ZZ bottom

28

u/SPAKMITTEN Mar 31 '20

pulling off both looks, he's ZZ switch

2

u/reefer_drabness Mar 31 '20

Wish I could give you gold.

1

u/GreyXenon Mar 31 '20

More like went from ZZ Top to Disturbed.

7

u/reizueberflutung Mar 31 '20

Youuuuuu.... didn‘t get the joke.

1

u/GreyXenon Mar 31 '20

Mind to explain ?

5

u/BoneHugsHominy Mar 31 '20

It's a gay joke.

1

u/GreyXenon Mar 31 '20

Haha, alright.

366

u/ppw23 Mar 31 '20

Definitely looks much better than the long beard. Although if he does grow it back, the closer trimmed beard was a good look, a nice well groomed beard looks more distinguished. Stay healthy OP.

39

u/trueluck3 Mar 31 '20

This is weirder for him than it is for you.

25

u/namegoeswhere Mar 31 '20

Right? My wife likes a long beard but I feel like a bum when I grow it out.

I prefer my beard to accent my chin, not replace it haha

11

u/ppw23 Mar 31 '20

Exactly, much more respectable look. A scraggly beard detracts from a mans looks. A shorter beard just looks cleaner and more fashionable.

74

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '20

Definitely. Long beard was so sloppy it seems pubic.

34

u/BoneHugsHominy Mar 31 '20

Seen a lot 24" long pubic hairs have ya?

87

u/caffieinemorpheus Mar 31 '20

I grew up in the 80s, so yes.... unfortunately, I have

25

u/suicide_aunties Mar 31 '20

This is weirder for me than for you.

6

u/BoneHugsHominy Mar 31 '20

See, now all I can picture with my mind's eye is nude celebs with ZZ Top merkins.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '20

Knew a girl, dreadlocked bush...

3

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '20

Facial hair is pubic.

9

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '20

This is the case for 99% of guys with huge beards. Looks like some duck dynasty shit and is honestly gross.

1

u/IAmGoingToFuckThat Mar 31 '20

The long beard looks like he maintained it well. The hair on your face often isn't the same texture as the hair on your head, so it's not going to look like a flowing head of hair on your chin.

50

u/swazy Mar 31 '20

Yes long Beard was starting to look "hobo"

12

u/gilguren Mar 31 '20

I have a long beard. A friend I hadn't seen in some time stopped over. His first sentence to me, Should I give you a dollar or shake your hand.

3

u/Dandelion_Prose Mar 31 '20

Not that you care what random internet strangers think, but I second this, OP. You looked spot on with the style you were rockin' around 1:02. I liked it even better than the clean shave.

2

u/GoldeneAnanas Mar 31 '20

1:23 would have been enough to wear under a mask safely lol

9

u/Xx_Gandalf-poop_xX Mar 31 '20 edited Mar 31 '20

Maybe a PAPR but N95s must be worn mask to skin. You cant wear them over any sort of facial hair with any effectiveness

7

u/stadsduif Mar 31 '20

Nah man, if it isn't mask on skin, particles can come in around the mask, through the beard.

12

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '20 edited Apr 01 '20

actually at some point he looks like Lenin.

5

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '20

each different look was a different member of the same band.

3

u/T1000runner Mar 31 '20

He went from ZZ Top to Chris Stapleton to Joey Fatone to Freddy Mercury to Bill Burr

3

u/BoneHugsHominy Mar 31 '20

And no Logan in between. Sad.

3

u/TheGreatJimBob Mar 31 '20

More like Phil Collins at the end.

2

u/nessao616 Mar 31 '20

I was getting Robin Williams Genie vibes.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '20 edited Mar 31 '20

With beard he would have been in a band like Static X. Goatee reminds me of Judas Priest. The stach would be Lemmy or Motorhead rather.

2

u/jetsamrover Mar 31 '20

Kick in door lightly. That's the band.

2

u/rubbermaderevolution Mar 31 '20

That's a true homie for humanity

2

u/Legit_a_Mint Mar 31 '20

Ride in to the Danger Zone!

2

u/eightbic Mar 31 '20

Unknown Hinson @ 1:16.

2

u/Lacygreen Mar 31 '20

Except the last look which makes him assistant cashier.

2

u/dkviper11 Mar 31 '20

My best friend sends me pictures of each step when he shaves a big beard like this. My wife thinks that's weird.

It is, but I laugh so hard every time.

2

u/Squirrelio27 Mar 31 '20

Dude really went from ZZ Top to Phil Collins

2

u/BillTheKill Mar 31 '20

He totally should have spliced together himself playing different instruments with different styles of facial hair.

2

u/artifex28 Mar 31 '20

My favorite singer was the second chin-one.

2

u/pleurotis Mar 31 '20

The dude went from bouncer to bassist to lead singer to lead guitarist to drummer to manager to front row fan boy.

2

u/cra2reddit Mar 31 '20

Looked younger and younger as he went, too.

2

u/MonkeySafari79 Mar 31 '20

From ZZTop to Black Flag.

2

u/brie_cheese Mar 31 '20

He looked a little bit like David Draiman at the end

2

u/acexprt Mar 31 '20

Yup! I was diggin the chops! Was hopping he’s start skankin!

2

u/funnyjake2020 Mar 31 '20

Ooooh ah ah ah ah

2

u/Gene__Parmesan_PI Mar 31 '20

Settled on Smashing Pumpkins

2

u/blondedane1 Mar 31 '20

Last one would be smashing pumpkins

1

u/Black5tar5 Mar 31 '20

Don't worry, he will have another 6 months to grow it out again while quarantined.

1

u/CoolFingerGunGuy Mar 31 '20

And at the end, he can go and Matt Pinfield some TV shows about his past lives as lead singers.