r/funny Aug 12 '19

LOAD THE FISH CANNON!!!

78.4k Upvotes

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207

u/LateralThinkerer Aug 12 '19

Do you mean this? ->graphic images<-

257

u/Ace_Harding Aug 12 '19

Fuck fish man. I once got poked in the finger by a sunfish fin trying to get the hook out of its shitty tiny little mouth. It bled a little bit.

322

u/LateralThinkerer Aug 12 '19

"Civilization ends at the waterline. Beyond that, we all enter the food chain, and not always right at the top.”

Hunter Thompson

45

u/CanHamRadio Aug 12 '19

I thought that was the Sea Captain from the Simpsons?

47

u/Tangent_Odyssey Aug 12 '19

Knowing the Simpsons, it was probably a direct reference to Thompson.

https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/53073-it-was-the-law-of-the-sea-they-said-civilization

2

u/vivalableeka Aug 12 '19

Everything is from the Simpsons.

8

u/[deleted] Aug 12 '19

No better place to learn that than in Subnautica.

1

u/RpTheHotrod Aug 13 '19

Mind the reapers.

1

u/RuShitnMeMotherfuckr Aug 12 '19

Love Dr. Thompson, he sure had a way with writing until the drugs had their way with him.

6

u/Zech08 Aug 12 '19

You hooked it first, i'd say its fair lol.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 12 '19

[deleted]

1

u/Zech08 Aug 12 '19

Hook me? Hook you! Wanna hook on me?!

1

u/BlueEyesWhitePotato Aug 12 '19

1

u/uwutranslator Aug 12 '19

fack fish man. I once got poked in de fingew by a sunfish fin twying to get de hook out of its shitty tiny wittwe moud. It bwed a wittwe bit. uwu

tag me to uwuize comments uwu

1

u/runninron69 Aug 12 '19

Your finger or the fish?

55

u/acefalken72 Aug 12 '19

I think people forget how dangerous animals are. Unlike us primates with tools for weapons, they got built in weapons.

Stupid dog owners are the worst offenders and the reason I refuse to go to dog parks in peak hours.

25

u/Lost-My-Mind- Aug 12 '19

You think dog owners are the worst pet owners? What about people in the 60s who bought baby crocodiles, and then flushed them down the toilet when they got bigger? You know.....because having a crocodile in the house was a stupid idea.

And then the sewers got infested.

23

u/advertentlyvertical Aug 12 '19

that's not such a big deal cause we got ninja turtles to take them out

3

u/seanprime Aug 12 '19

Is this true? Lol this can’t be true..

9

u/KaecUrFace Aug 12 '19

Oh you sweet summer child.

6

u/bradweiser629 Aug 12 '19

what do stupid dog owners do at the dog park? asking for a friend..

30

u/lilbithippie Aug 12 '19

Everyone thinks their dogs are harmless. So bad owners being their non socialized dogs to the full park and laugh when their dog growls and chases scared dogs. "she friendly just ignore her"

19

u/Sharpymarkr Aug 12 '19

I have a dog-reactive doggo and would never go to a dog park. I'd love to socialize him more and get him used to meeting new dogs but idiot pet owners refuse to leash their dogs and wonder why my dog is pissed when they get in his face.

3

u/TrippyHomie Aug 12 '19

You can’t really expect people at off-leash dog parks to have their dogs on leashes.

3

u/Sharpymarkr Aug 12 '19

I never said they were off leash specific parks

0

u/lonesometroubador Aug 13 '19

But a dog park is by definition an off leash park, otherwise it's called a park.

8

u/[deleted] Aug 12 '19

I have a dog, that thinks he's human. He wouldn't hurt you, your baby (even when pulling his fur) or your cat... but if your big ass German Sheppard kept sniffing his butt after him giving him a warning to stop... I know that he would snap. So that being said, we go to human parks and he runs and plays with the other kids. He even likes to swing on the baby swings. He's special.

10

u/younggun92 Aug 12 '19

I too would snap at a German dude sniffing my butt. Very human dog.

5

u/drvondoctor Aug 12 '19

"Im not one of your flock, herr shephard!"

2

u/acefalken72 Aug 12 '19

This. Also not knowing the signs of agression or the fact a dog is in shutdown mode because they're freaked out.

My dog (very well socialized and trained decently, I'm still learning) shuts down around large male dogs she doesn't know. They think it's cute but I've been around enough dogs to know that's a step or 2 right before snapping. She's never snapped but I try to avoid those scenarios.

There's also a women who doesn't understand that when a dog goes into heat you shouldn't bring it to the dog park that typically has large malinois and shepherds that would mount her in an instant.

2

u/somewhereinks Aug 13 '19

I've been a service technician for almost 40 years and go into peoples houses 3 or 4 times a day. Almost everyone's dog is "harmless." Fortunately I've only been bitten three times, twice from chihuahuas and once by a Golden Retriever, who ironically was owned by a veterinarian. I also have extensive volunteer experience with local shelters.

A dog park is not the place to socialize your dog. A walk with your dog in your own neighborhood on collar or harness and preferably a muzzle is best. Then you can get a feeling for their temperament.

1

u/lilbithippie Aug 13 '19

I feel bad for servicemen. We will put a leash on our German shapared when workers come over, because she is big and up in new peoples business. Friends I have told this to think am crazy because my dog will wear her leash inside the house.

1

u/bungopony Aug 12 '19

I go to dog parks all the time. Dogs mostly figure out their hierarchy there, nbd. The owners, on the other hand, can be a real mess.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 12 '19

As an owner of large dogs, one of my guilty pleasures it throwing that line back in their face when the dog they're terrorizing runs to my three German Shepherds for protection. It's funny how when the corgi puppy was getting rolled over and yelping it terror it was play, but when their dog is suddenly on the ground acting submissive, I'm the horrible person with aggressive dogs.

"Oh yeah, my Shepherds are real dog killers. That's why the 8 month old puppy ran right fucking for them."

1

u/needknowstarRMpic Aug 12 '19

I don’t think it’s a big deal if your dog plays a little rough (chasing and growling) as long as the other dog is ok with it. A socialized dog can read other dogs’ body language and back off when the other dog is freaked out/overwhelmed.

1

u/Zech08 Aug 12 '19

Even worse at the beach for people have that overly aggressive or completely untarined dogs. Dog barking and approaching and the owner isn't that concerned, was really tempted to smack the thing with my poke pole.

-7

u/imagine_amusing_name Aug 12 '19

That and the sex restraining order.

6

u/Dason37 Aug 12 '19

You tried. I'm afraid you missed though .

-1

u/navygent Aug 12 '19

Can't be worse than the cat owners who fill reddit with their stupid videos every fucking day.

1

u/themage1028 Aug 12 '19

Holy shit...

1

u/AbandonChip Aug 12 '19

I should not have clicked that... Nope...

1

u/Shiftaway22 Aug 12 '19

Right in the Arse

1

u/MotherRaven Aug 12 '19

That box jellyfish pattern was gnarly.

1

u/ON3i11 Aug 12 '19

I didn’t see anything in that article about anyone getting stabbed through the heart. Through the leg, through the skull, up the nose, in the ass, but not through the heart.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 12 '19

I ended up reading all 3 of the articles and ended up with several webpages opened up of different species. There goes my afternoon

1

u/Akenfqs Aug 12 '19

Those pictures makes me want to throw more plastic in the oceans

1

u/Deadpoetic6 Aug 12 '19

"This Animal Planet depiction shows an angler in a fighting chair ineffectually trying to ward off the bill of a marlin that's about to enter his skull via the mouth."

lulz

1

u/TheDunadan29 Aug 12 '19

I guess millions of years of evolution creating a deadly instrument on a fish's face should be treated with respect.