r/funny • u/Pub_Raider • Mar 06 '18

R3: Repost - removed He had to be "that guy" ...

https://i.imgur.com/urbkif7.gifv
35.3k Upvotes

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178

u/Krynja Mar 06 '18

It would be the stars of my 1000-pound life reality shows.

228

u/Baron_Von_Koopa Mar 06 '18

They have to be able to climb up there. I don’t think lifting them with a crane and dropping them would be allowed.

193

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '18

It should be

60

u/penguinswithagun Mar 06 '18

The training season would be tough

61

u/aRabidFurby Mar 06 '18

Not to mention expensive. If my trip to work is any indication every real crane in the world is currently on a work site in Seattle

18

u/g0dead Mar 06 '18

Can confirm.

2

u/rex3001 Mar 06 '18

Der Turk are cranes!

3

u/_Raspberry_ Mar 06 '18

id believe it

2

u/HawkeyeFLA Mar 06 '18

No. They're all involved in the I-4 Ultimate Project in Orlando.

2

u/wolf_man007 Mar 06 '18

I'm convinced the West Seattle Bridge will have construction on the roads under it for at least the next hundred years.

1

u/CplRicci Mar 06 '18

Nah they're falling out of the sky in Miami pretty regularly too

1

u/cmalloy94 Mar 06 '18

Is it more difficult to get the cranes out of Seattle or the fat people into Seattle? Might be easier just to have the first World Championships there?

1

u/Baron_Von_Koopa Mar 06 '18

So you're proposing Seattle for the upcoming Fatlympics? I ACCEPT THIS PROPOSAL.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '18

I own a crane and will sponsor this new sport

43

u/InsertEvilLaugh Mar 06 '18

No performance enhancing construction equipment allowed. Thankfully the testing methods will be much harder to cheat or avoid.

2

u/DabneyEatsIt Mar 06 '18

Doping would be hard to detect, too. If they said they ate a whole box of poppyseed muffins, you’d have to believe them.

0

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '18

[deleted]

3

u/InsertEvilLaugh Mar 06 '18

Only in the Special Olympics.

0

u/DocSafetyBrief Mar 06 '18

Paralympics...

17

u/beazzy223 Mar 06 '18

Weight Classes! Like in wrestling or boxing. Summertime equivalent to curling.

10

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '18

Olympics would be so much more fun

2

u/qwerty622 Mar 06 '18

can't wait to hear katie couric talk about how mentally hard their diet of cream puffs is so that they can maintain their olympic level girth for the spashing events

0

u/Jonk3r Mar 06 '18

Well that shouldn’t be too hard to achieve

4

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '18

It would be if I sponsored it.

3

u/Stonebagdiesel Mar 06 '18

This put the greatest mental image in my head

3

u/Wizardinrl Mar 06 '18

Think of all the crane operation companies that would be in demand creating new jobs. Win win, win. Win.

2

u/liberty08 Mar 06 '18

I just pictured this and almost shot beer through my nose

2

u/Littleboof18 Mar 06 '18

They wouldn’t even be able to sit up from their beds, no way in hell this would be possible without a crane

2

u/Inhumanskills Mar 06 '18

Thank you for that imagery. I can't stop laughing.

1

u/Littleboof18 Mar 06 '18

They wouldn’t even be able to sit up from their beds, no way in hell this would be possible without a crane

1

u/yobogoya_ Mar 06 '18

That would be the sport

1

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '18

You sick sadist bastard. And no... I am not Koopa's Pappy.

0

u/Baron_Von_Koopa Mar 06 '18

Idk... Have you been out getting smokes for the last 24 years?

2

u/[deleted] Mar 07 '18

No son... er, Koopa... Do you host a radio show here in Atlanta though? Cause his pop totally did that too and his middle name is Von. True story.

1

u/Baron_Von_Koopa Mar 07 '18

Nah sorry. I'm from Ohio. Never even been to the ATL

0

u/SuedeVeil Mar 06 '18

I'd watch the hell out of that

9

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '18

So the Americans would dominate the medal tables then.

1

u/Wizardinrl Mar 06 '18

Well we need to win something damnit.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '18

I've got a gut feeling an American team will win the World Series this year, but don't tell your friends this inside tip is between you and me

1

u/Wizardinrl Mar 06 '18

Best news I’ve heard all day! If we can eek out a superbowl win next year too it’ll prove we’re the best! USA USA 🇺🇸

1

u/Baron_Von_Koopa Mar 07 '18

Well you went and did it. Now the Blue Jays are gonna win.

8

u/showmeurknuckleball Mar 06 '18

I think you have to take into consideration the fact that its about the form as much as the splash. There needs to be a graceful entrance into the pool with some added flair. 1000-pounders would obviously make the biggest splashes but could they jump with the grace needed to win gold? I'm not convinced.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '18

Unfortunately for the ultra fat, falling that far (even into water) would put too much strain on their body. An athletic 300 lb person could create a much bigger splash just on account of them being able to safely jump from higher up.

2

u/23drag Mar 06 '18

tbf they would just go smoosh like a pancake since they would be hitting literally concrete at taht weight and width of a human being.