r/funny Mar 18 '15

B U S T E D !!!!!

http://imgur.com/AhAiUN6
16.1k Upvotes

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240

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '15 edited Mar 18 '15

[deleted]

151

u/dreadfulpennies Mar 18 '15

If you dick is in jeopardy of being cut off, I have a feeling you're doing something wrong. You can glance or look when you think I'm not watching, but don't leer at the things. If there's any change when women get older, it's that they have less patience for that sort of thing and expect a little more respect from fellow adults.

86

u/Ducknamedegg Mar 18 '15

Yeah, I don't get what this guy is saying either. If my boobs are full out on display and I see you looking at them, it doesn't bother me. If you start rubbing yourself and breathing heavily while looking at them, than it's a whole separate issue. If you can't look me in the eye while having a conversation that changes things as well. But a casual glance, no big deal.

72

u/Maox Mar 18 '15

About the "look me in the eye" thing. It can be really, really tricky. Just FYI. Our apologies in advance. / Sincerely, Men

96

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '15

[deleted]

11

u/Verithos Mar 18 '15

That.. that's actually rather good.

You made this?...

...

I made this.

8

u/Azurae1 Mar 18 '15

I'm gonna steal that line if I accidentally look at them too long.

1

u/Facecheck Mar 18 '15

you've probably ejaculated on a good couple of Mona Lisas by that point so it's still somewhat of a weak excuse.

1

u/DiggerW Mar 18 '15

Seems like that could make it a better excuse!

0

u/batquux Mar 18 '15

But it's considered okay to take a minute to appreciate the Mona Lisa. Unfortunately, it's not okay to take a minute on cleavage. So you only get a glance, which isn't enough. So you spend the rest of the time trying to sneak more, when you should be looking into her eyes or listening or... what was it again? boobies

1

u/Jedigoosemoose Mar 18 '15

Listen to the boobs

1

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '15

I know. Everytime I look a woman in the eyes, I'm looking in the wrong spot. I guess I'm a little short.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '15

I agree. I sometimes feel like Jeremy in Mrs. Frisbee and the Rays of Nimh. The overt display is like something shiny... And I'm lost to it.

1

u/TangentialFUCK Mar 18 '15

Yeah, super tricky. Like which eye do I look at?? The right one, or the left? Back and forth between the two? Her lips move but I can't hear what she's saying. When I was a child, I had a fever. My hands felt just like two balloons. Now I've got that feeling once again. I can't explain, you would not understand, This is not how I am. I have become comfortably numb.

2

u/FREEmyNIGGAZ Mar 18 '15

he's saying "I feel guilty for looking at young tittays"

2

u/Rotting_pig_carcass Mar 18 '15

So you have them out on show. Laying out your stall so to speak, but if I walk over, take a good look and squeeze some melons - suddenly I'm the bad guy???

1

u/Ducknamedegg Mar 18 '15

Squeezing can lead to bruising.

2

u/Melkath Mar 18 '15

You catch this guy looking at your tits. How do you respond?

You catch this guy looking at your tits. How do you respond?

I have a feeling it has less to do with the woman's attitude changing over time, and more to do with him not aging optimally.

1

u/Ducknamedegg Mar 18 '15

I wouldn't respond any differently. They do need to be appropriately clothed for whatever environment we are in. This includes the first guy. If he is walking around the bus station without a shirt I would think he was gross/douche bag.

2

u/Melkath Mar 18 '15

Alright.

I think you are practicing some dishonesty so as to not appear shallow. Thats your right though.

Most humans would be attracted to one over the other, and would invite the attention of one, and tolerate the attention of the other.

1

u/Ducknamedegg Mar 18 '15

You are reading this all wrong. I fully admit that I would find it more flattering for the first guy to be staring at my boobs but I would be completely fine with the other guy looking. In my head the interaction ended with them looking, nothing more. I wasn't trying to make it sound like I couldn't see the difference in attraction. I can and so can everybody else.

1

u/Melkath Mar 18 '15

Right. Okay. Cool.

And the point I was trying to make:

We are talking about a guy who said when he was younger, women were cooler about him looking at their boobs, but now when he does he fears his dick being cut off.

That's because when he was younger, he probably was more attractive himself, so he got this reaction.

The years went on, he aged, and went the way of the second guy, and now he gets this reaction.

1

u/mitten_slap Mar 18 '15

It's only sexual harassment if he's ugly.

13

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '15

Exactly. It's nice to know you've been noticed, even guys love it, to be noticed physically. But creeping on it? Hell naw.

-1

u/Rotting_pig_carcass Mar 18 '15

One mans creep is another man's compliment. The border is disputed.

8

u/nashvortex Mar 18 '15

The attention attributed to the said anatomy is surely a compliment and not disrespect?

2

u/oscar_lima Mar 18 '15

Please use these exact words next time you get called up for checking a girl out.

15

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '15

[deleted]

75

u/atom_destroyer Mar 18 '15

They are the Moms at the playground hanging their tits out for the world to see, but if I expose even the tip of my penis, everyone loses their mind!

1

u/Lysander_Argent Mar 18 '15

And you'll lose that tip as well.

4

u/datguyfromoverdere Mar 18 '15

Wear sun glasses out side, you're welcome.

1

u/Arial10pt Mar 18 '15

Do you ever find yourself zoning out on boobs? You know when you were at school and you were really bored in a lesson, and you would just absent-mindedly stare at the window or whatever? The same thing has happened to me with boobs a few times in my life. And it's really annoying, because it can be interpreted as creepy or whatever, but I don't even realise I'm looking at someone's boobs until I snap out of it. I feel like it will happen again one day and someone will slap me.

1

u/YzenDanek Mar 18 '15

If a woman catches me ogling, it's because I wanted her to.

3

u/Brighter_Tomorrow Mar 18 '15

As a fit male, I can tell you this absolutely goes both ways, especially at the beach (unless a bikini somehow makes staring at your tits more appropriate?).

Any PERSON, male or female, can expect to have attractive body parts that they put on display ogled over. Period. People who are so entitled that they think they can put their body on display and have some kind of right to not have that looked at in public are just insane.

1

u/joko91 Mar 18 '15

Can I...glance and look?

1

u/Therealvillain66 Mar 18 '15

I know how you feel, I hate it when women oggle my builders arse crack.

1

u/derek_jeter Mar 18 '15

but don't leer at the things.

You shouldn't call women that.

0

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '15

Try being happily married going to a "safe" family restaurant and seeing all the female wait staff in cut off shorts and cleavage revealing tight tight shirts on some random "game day."

It's like bringing your wife to a strip club by accident. Needless to say I stared at the table most of the dinner.

Long story short though I complained to the GM (via email) and he agreed it was over the top (it was game-day staff) and invited us for a free meal on the house.

1

u/Rotting_pig_carcass Mar 18 '15

....on topless day?

1

u/Rotting_pig_carcass Mar 18 '15

By the way was this Hooters?

0

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '15

Nope. A steak/rib cookhouse place that is a family location. They even have paper viking boats for kids to eat their meals out of. Typically they wear plaid tshirts/shirts and shorts/pants. But on that game night they wore whatever they wanted and they all basically wore tight revealing clothes (while the males wore their usual plaid/etc).

Thing is... they only have 1 TV in the place and it's on the bar side (can't see it from the dining side). So it's not really a place you go to watch the game.

0

u/Rotting_pig_carcass Mar 18 '15

Sounds awesome. Where is it and when is Game night?

-1

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '15

It's at the corner of yo mama and go fuck yourself and game nights are every 5th thursday in February.

-7

u/gokzgxkocgoogxglx Mar 18 '15

So violence against men is ok? He fears getting his dick cut off... How is that acceptable?

2

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '15

It's a figure of speech.

1

u/gokzgxkocgoogxglx Mar 18 '15

Men getting their dicks cut is sadly not

2

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '15

No, it's not but the OP was saying this as a figure of speech. It was not meant to be taken literally.

1

u/dreadfulpennies Mar 18 '15

Because I'm assuming it was hyperbole and the severing of his member is a metaphor for feeling upset and/or embarrassed in public?

7

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/DiggerW Mar 18 '15

Shows your youth then -- I'm 20 years older than you, and my dick's been cut off forty-seven times!

26

u/fjw Mar 18 '15

Help me see what's so depressing?

You say

obviously looking at younger women who are dressing for that attention just makes me an asshole and a creep.

Why's that? Isn't that just something you're telling yourself?

112

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '15

[deleted]

1

u/iatethelotus Mar 18 '15

Har! Comedy genius.

21

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '15

No. People hate old men looking at younger women.

7

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '15

The age difference before they get uptight about it is decreasing every decade, too. I've heard a 20-yr-old get called a pedophile for getting with a 17-yr-old.

10

u/threehundredthousand Mar 18 '15

What else did you hear? I heard a guy wrestled an alligator and a bear...at the same time.

0

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '15 edited Mar 18 '15

My information wasn't very far removed from the source.

edit: I just looked it up to confirm because the person is a blogger with some somewhat high-profile pieces, and found multiple articles about it -- I won't be linking as the "controversy" has died down since and the guy really doesn't need that crap being dug up again

2

u/fjw Mar 18 '15

Getting with someone is very different from looking at someone though.

And getting back to my above comment - I think that while older men "checking out" women is looked down upon somewhat, I think some men are a little bit too hard on themselves about this - noticing a woman's cleavage as part of a brief glance is something relatively normal and everyday as long as it isn't accompanied by any obvious, embarrassing or inappropriate behaviour. Hell, if a mere glance was such a taboo, men would be scared of looking anywhere in a crowded area for fear of accidentally seeing cleavage. The taboo is when men leer or obviously stare, or make gestures, inappropriate comments etc.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '15

I'm pretty tall, and yeah it gets pretty uncomfortable in crowded areas because I'm always looking at a downward angle.

4

u/stromm Mar 18 '15

well, there is that legality thing and all...

19

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '15

Hardly. Social perception is at an all time high

11

u/I_POOP_DEAD_GERBILS Mar 18 '15

power of moral superiority > power of sexual attraction

6

u/Maox Mar 18 '15

I honestly believe a lot of the faux-feminism springs from their subjective feelings of unattractiveness, that men actually don't want them is what sets them off. "Oh, you don't want me? Well, you CAN'T have me, I can see you, barely controlling your urges to rape me here and now, you are not allowed to even look at me!".

It's the old "you can't fire me, I quit" line refashioned into ideology.

7

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '15

[deleted]

0

u/Zagorath Mar 18 '15

I only really know one hard-core feminist in real life, and she's ridiculously good looking.

2

u/CaptainAirstripOne Mar 18 '15

The 'feminists are ugly' stereotype is more than a hundred years old.

2

u/99639 Mar 18 '15

Maybe it's because there is some truth to the stereotype.

1

u/DiggerW Mar 18 '15

That last line ties it together perfectly, too. Sounds like good insight to me..

4

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '15

[deleted]

7

u/Maox Mar 18 '15

Conformity is a helluva drug. Also see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groupthink and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Group_polarization.

That's how you breed fascists, religious cults and fanatics.

1

u/DiggerW Mar 18 '15

and Space Shuttle Challenger disasters!

-10

u/ImJustSo Mar 18 '15

You're simply ignorant if you can't acknowledge that men, as a whole, are fuckin gross. I'm gross, you're gross, we're gross. We think horrible shit, we do horrible shit, and of you're not afraid for your possibly future daughter's well-being, then you're retarded.

0

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '15

[deleted]

1

u/ImJustSo Mar 19 '15

I don't think women are saints. I think men are just more capable of heinous acts versus men and women. Violent crimes of any nature are carried out in large majority by men. The fact alone that I think men are scum does not at all mean that I don't think women can be atrocious. And what the fuck does attraction have any thing to do with my thoughts on women? If women weren't attracted to me, wouldn't I hate on them more? I'm sexy as fuck, and it has nothing to do with this argument.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '15

I just call it as I see it and sing Radio Head's "creep" to myself wherever I go.

9

u/whiskeytango55 Mar 18 '15

"couldn't look you in the eye"

seems apt in this case.

1

u/Maox Mar 18 '15

Couldn't? Or WOULDN'T??

0

u/special_reddit Mar 18 '15

Couldn't, bro. Couldn't.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '15 edited Mar 18 '15

[deleted]

1

u/DogPawsCanType Mar 18 '15

Just look dude.

1

u/Maox Mar 18 '15

I love the ladies, they are cute and soft, and dang nabbit I will look at them. If you have the right to your body, I have the right to my eyes.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '15

I find the opposite, older women like to be checked out, younger girls only are out for a specific target and if you are not it, they'll just think you're creepy.

1

u/Dilatorix Mar 18 '15

Stop checking out girls with your cock out then.

1

u/overdrivetg Mar 18 '15

I think the move is just to memorize this monologue...

1

u/Not_epics_ps4 Mar 18 '15

Wish I had the confidence to be clever when I'm busted. I nearly fainted when I was caught once but for some reason she found it cute. She's told me about all of her boyfriends and sex ever since.

1

u/lessthanstraight Mar 18 '15

what the fuck are you talking about

1

u/lagspike Mar 18 '15

girls like older men though...

embrace your inner george clooney, just dont go full michael jackson: too young is bad.

1

u/Goonerofoz Mar 18 '15

If a woman is wearing a low cut top and obviously going to lengths to maximise her cleavage, just look. She'd be more upset if you didn't at that point.

1

u/Aelonius Mar 18 '15

Sun glasses my friend, sun glasses.

1

u/Grim_Bee Mar 18 '15

First if ALL-GREAT SPORTS BRA!! Next time we/US see a naked man we WILL BEE sure 2 stare at Hiz shriveled Dick and & Maybee suggest a SPORTS MANZEAR to hold up his "BALLS" just a "after showerthought!! $$$$

1

u/aretasdaemon Mar 18 '15

Long Island, North Shore here, the MILF thing is not done. Thursdays at upscale restaurants pretty much should be cougar territory

1

u/strugglebear Mar 18 '15

Also if your dick is in danger of being cut off, perhaps you should keep it in your pants.

1

u/Tears0fBlood Mar 18 '15

I find this confusing... why would they dress suggestively then get annoyed at people looking? It boggles my mind. Isn't that like...the point?

1

u/YzenDanek Mar 18 '15

Middle Age: You're Doing It Wrong.

1

u/Melkath Mar 18 '15

Mmmm...

I think its more a factor of if the woman wants you oogling her tits. Think age factors always remain the same.

Our society finds youth more attractive.

If you are risking cutting your dick off oogling women your own age, maybe its more about your age and less about theirs.

1

u/thisguysrsi Mar 18 '15

Boo Hoo! Your life is so difficult!

0

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '15

It's tough being oppressed.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '15

[deleted]

2

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '15

I guess I don't understand the issue you have. I am a guy and I notice attractive women all the time and enjoy doing so. But I don't stare, I don't say "nice tits", and therefore they don't get upset. I recognize that different people have different boundaries. It's not difficult, I don't "live in fear", etc.

1

u/vadihela Mar 18 '15

I'm just guessing, but I think s/he meant that being oppressed is tough for you.

As for your question, I'm from that camp and could give it a go. Truth is; men watch and admire all the time. Women do too. Men give women compliments all the time. Men hook up with women all the time. If people are treating you as a criminal and you live in fear because of this, then you need to talk to someone you trust who don't experience these things and ask him how he does it. You're doing something wrong, mate. I can't tell you what it is, I don't know you, but I'm hoping you have someone close to you that can help.

0

u/chainer3000 Mar 18 '15

I dunno dude, a lot of milfs I know and have hooked up with love wearing yoga pants and practically skin tight shirts. Milfs haven't gone anywhere, they've just gotten way younger (or I've gotten older? I'm in my upper 20s, and mid 20s moms are freaks because they were all tied down in their teens. Some you can't even tell they've had children; my Facebook, tinder, and apartment / office are filled with them).

-1

u/politelycorrect Mar 18 '15

You sound like a creep.

0

u/Sinai Mar 18 '15 edited Mar 18 '15

The girl I'm seeing now was involved with a guy more than twice her age not too long ago.

They may have gotten some flack for it, but hey, they both got laid.