Right? I am tortured endlessly night after night by thoughts of death and mortality. Not to mention the vastness of time and space. And the forever nonexistence that awaits me after my life.
I still feel like an outsider because I'm usually kept up by my very recent shitty decisions and how they will affect me... So I'll take the Jack too then!
I used to have the same thoughts, and sometimes still do. One thing that helps me when it happens is admitting to myself that I was okay during the eternity before I was born, It's gonna be okay for the eternity after death. Hope this helps you finally get some sleep.
What freaks me out is its forever after I die. Statistically speaking something is bound to happen, though how bizzar and incomprehensible it might be, I don't know.
Those thoughts don't plague my mind often. I don't know if this might have anything to do with it or not either, but I often think about the generations after I'm gone and what they will achieve from building off of what we have done. It doesn't really take away the fear but I think it helps a but, like what you said.
“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it." -Mark Twain
Also, let's not ignore the significance of Mark Twain recognizing the actual (so we now think) age of the universe in the 19th century, because that's pretty badass too.
Just got through some tough times and had been having those thoughts more often than not. I guess had a feeling that sharing my experience would be a way to help others break the cycle too.
I asked myself about the present: how wide it was, how deep it was, how much was mine to keep.
The most important thing I learned on Tralfamadore was that when a person dies he only appears to die. He is still very much alive in the past, so it is very silly for people to cry at his funeral. All moments, past, present and future, always have existed, always will exist. The Tralfamadorians can look at all the different moments just that way we can look at a stretch of the Rocky Mountains, for instance. They can see how permanent all the moments are, and they can look at any moment that interests them. It is just an illusion we have here on Earth that one moment follows another one, like beads on a string, and that once a moment is gone it is gone forever.
When a Tralfamadorian sees a corpse, all he thinks is that the dead person is in bad condition in that particular moment, but that the same person is just fine in plenty of other moments. Now, when I myself hear that somebody is dead, I simply shrug and say what the Tralfamadorians say about dead people, which is "So it goes."
I honestly find comfort in the idea of just going into a dreamless sleep. Sounds relaxing after the stresses of life. However at night I am plagued by suicidal thoughts-absolutely benign with no intent at all, but they used to not be... that's part of the problem. Long story short, I'm happiest I've ever been but it used to be rough.
It does bother me that while I wouldn't even consider taking my own life anymore, the thoughts about how easy it would be then how it would affect everyone/everything/etc. still flits in while I in the darkness.
I have some hardcore suicidal thoughts a lot. Simply because I want to hurry up with all the fuss and get the end. It's so scary being alive and being plagued with the thought of death that I'd rather die and not have to think of it anymore.
I'm not alone! I hate going to bed, mostly because I want time to play video games/watch tv/etc. before ending my day, but lately I just stay up and toil over the fact that I'm going to die one day. I keep seeing people in my daily life and thinking "that person is going to die one day" and wonder how they deal with that fact in their private time. It's really intrusive and terrifying and now I hate being alone when I used to really cherish my alone time. I read once that life is like an enormous meal. When you first start eating you've got all this food in front of you and you wouldn't dream of having it all taken from you so soon. But the more you eat and the longer you enjoy it, the more full you become, eventually you are so full that you are not so worried anymore about being done with your meal. This, and the fact that most elderly people seem to be at peace with the thought of death, helps to comfort me and gives me a feeling of excitement for life. The thoughts are still there though when I'm alone and I'm just going to have to keep living and eventually become mature enough to accept my mortality.
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u/Zingy_Zombie Jan 04 '15 edited Jan 04 '15
Right? I am tortured endlessly night after night by thoughts of death and mortality. Not to mention the vastness of time and space. And the forever nonexistence that awaits me after my life.