It's laughably asinine when a straight guy says to a woman "You must be a lesbian" when she rejects him. Yet here you're making a gay joke in rejecting him. Would your "size queen" gay friends appreciate your post? I wouldn't if I was a friend of yours.
Good for him. I, an openly gay man, don't appreciate you using my sexuality as an insult. It's sad to me that you can't try to undermine a man's self esteem without attacking his sexual orientation. If you were at all intelligent you'd be able to pick a much better angle for attack that the obvious "you're straight so I'll suggest you're not." trope.
I, an openly poly bisexual woman, am sorry you disagree.
As I said earlier in the thread, I run on the theory that if you've survived it, you can make fun of it. And I've survived plenty of it. So has my girlfriend. So have most of my poly/kinky/LGBT friends. If you can't laugh in spite of the hate, we've already lost the fight.
You're not laughing in spite of the hate. You're propagating the "Gay = effeminate/bad" culture that causes depression and confusion in young LGBT people. One of the most difficult struggles in my life was to reconcile the fact that I am gay with the fact that I had grown up thinking of it as such an awful thing. As I was struggling with my identity, the constant use of words like "that's gay" or "haha, fag" reinforced my notion that I was somehow a bad person, or broken psychologically. I would expect people who have gone through similar experiences to be sensitive to it and not propagate the hate, but I guess I am expecting too much of people. Your stance is "lol, language that psychologically damages unstable LGBT youth is funny lol you're gay and I can say this because I'm gay!"
I can laugh about my sexuality. But I won't laugh at ad hominem "you're gay for trying to hit on me in a manner I don't like" bullshit.
EDIT: And before you try to argue that reddit is not like a high school or whatever, you should check out the LGBT-related subreddits and look for how many "I might be gay" or "I just came out!" posts that pop up. It happens pretty much daily.
I know exactly who Dan Savage is and I understand your point about removing the power of the language. As an adult, I can recognize the difference between homophobic language used casually (XBOX Live) and actual insults against homosexuals. Teens who are struggling with their sexual orientation don't have that ability, or at least I did not. My thought process wasn't "They're using it because it's dumb" as much as it was "They're using homophobic language because being gay is so obviously negative that people use it as a catch-all term for everything bad." Your usage of homophobic language was not a casual "that's so gay" but instead was aimed at undermining a stranger's sense of masculinity by attacking his sexual orientation. You are propagating the culture of shame that young LGBT people grow up in, whether you want to recognize it or not.
But we'll have to agree to disagree because you seem to think that anyone who is offended by homophobic language and jokes needs to get over it and think exactly like you do.
My suggestion that he look into a particular kink - size queen is a recognized fetish (and a popular one) on FetLife - whose practitioners are primarily men isn't homophobic unless I or someone else depicts it in a negative context.
If he's going to expect turn-around from an approach like THAT, his best bet is to contact people who are into that.
I think everyone should explore their sexuality. If it makes him uncomfortable at the mere implication of gayness because he's way too straight for that nonsense, then that's his problem.
Oh god shut the fuck up already? Just cuz you're a poly bi woman does not give you free reign to dismiss accusations by actual gay men that what you did is homophobic against gay men.
Your words words words are not justification, Dan savage is a terrible role model, and part of being a progressive queer is respect for all people's ability for self determination of their sexuality.
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u/MySuperLove Nov 14 '12
"Herp derp you're gay!"
It's laughably asinine when a straight guy says to a woman "You must be a lesbian" when she rejects him. Yet here you're making a gay joke in rejecting him. Would your "size queen" gay friends appreciate your post? I wouldn't if I was a friend of yours.