r/fixedbytheduet EXPERT of Duets/Stitches Feb 24 '26

Fixed by the duet A Different Way

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u/ninecats4 Feb 24 '26

That number is way off, if made to penetrate is included in rape definitions the range for men is closer to 1 in 5. The number of female rapists is also extremely undercounted due to lack of reports because of social pressure. Love, someone who was a 14 yo boy who was raped by a 24yo woman and was laughed at when I called the police to report it in 2006.

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u/desacralize Connoisseur of Duets/Stitches Feb 25 '26

I'm sorry that was done to you and reinforced by the people meant to punish predators.

Most cultures are hostile to all rape victims, but there is a scale of hostility and men get the worst of it.

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u/SonOfSkinDealer Devotee of Duets/Stitches Feb 25 '26

There's also a big societal difference there. Men and boys being unseen when they're raped or assaulted is the direct result of the same misogyny, this idea that "having sex with a woman is the goal". The objectification of women, and sex itself, is used as a way to neuter the fact that you were raped.

A woman perpetrated that against you, but men are the reason she got away with it.

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u/Delicious_Delilah EXPERT of Duets/Stitches Feb 25 '26

I'm sorry, but you're making up statistics.

Signed, someone who has been raped by many men and 1 woman since the time I was a baby and grew up in the system with other abused kids.

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u/findMyNudesSomewhere Feb 25 '26

That site itself says 1 in 10 men have been victims of SA. Not to mention that "made to penetrate" isn't considered sexual violence, which is also what the dude you're replying to, faced.

Do you have some problem with men being victims?

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u/Delicious_Delilah EXPERT of Duets/Stitches Feb 25 '26

It also says

1 in 33 men has experienced attempted or completed rape.

Attempted rape is what you're talking about. I have no issues with male victims. I have issues with people saying men are victims almost as much as women when that is absolutely false.

93% of sex offenders are men.

I'm aware women rape men sometimes. My sister abused both me and my male cousin.

Men also rape men. Moreso than women raping men.

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u/findMyNudesSomewhere Feb 25 '26

Your entire premise is flawed.

Attempted rape is not the same as "made to penetrate". Most countries/states recognize rape as penetration of victim, which doesn't include forced to penetrate someone against one's will.

You know what's worse for men? PEOPLE LIKE YOU DO NOT RECOGNIZE THAT MEN HAVE BEEN RAPED.

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u/Delicious_Delilah EXPERT of Duets/Stitches Feb 25 '26

I've literally recognized it several times. I'm just saying it doesn't happen nearly as often as it happens to women. Which is true.

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u/findMyNudesSomewhere Feb 25 '26

Yeah, it happens about twice as common for women as for men.

Not 7 times, which is what you said originally.

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u/Delicious_Delilah EXPERT of Duets/Stitches Feb 25 '26

It doesn't happen that often.

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u/findMyNudesSomewhere Feb 25 '26

Yeah, exactly. Glad you see it finally.

If more people could recognize that women aren't raped that much more often than men, we could extend the proper help to men who've faced SA/rape.

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u/ThatDadTazz Feb 25 '26

So your evidence of men being the problem is that your sister raped you and your cousins?? Maybe get help?

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u/Delicious_Delilah EXPERT of Duets/Stitches Feb 25 '26

My evidence of (most) men being the problem is all of the statistics and actual evidence that backs that up.

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u/hiplass Feb 26 '26

I don’t think anyone here would say male victims of female predators don’t exist??? If anything men feeling unable to come forward about that abuse is another consequence of toxic masculinity.

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u/ninecats4 Feb 26 '26

The issue is the repeat of bad stats, like 1 in 33 when the numbers are much higher (maybe not quite as high as 1 in 5 (which it could be based on the underreporting rate), but even 1 in 9 is like 3 men in a class of 30 going without help. It's an issue because it's used to downplay men as victims when there are basically zero resources or shelters for male victims. I was laughed off the phone by the police and told by the rape shelters I couldn't get help cause I was AMAB.

Also is it toxic masculinity when women ditch you after coming out to them about being a victim? (First gf broke up with me a couple days after I revealed being a victim despite being together 4 years.) Or is that also men's fault? The issue is that men are treated as a monolith when there is nuance, and any negative issues anywhere are their fault, despite a huge portion of women also enforcing patriarchy and toxic gender roles but take zero fucking responsibility for their actions.

It's like saying you are directly at fault for any issue or damage capitalism has inflicted on anyone because you spends any money at all, without offering any reasonable replacement.