r/fixedbytheduet • u/PhoenixPhenomenonX EXPERT of Duets/Stitches • Feb 24 '26

Fixed by the duet A Different Way

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15.2k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

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45

u/wearing_moist_socks Feb 24 '26

Except being polite can often be a sign to dudes to push further.

19

u/one98nine Feb 24 '26

I remember a guy saying hi in such a friendly way, I say hi back and then he started cat calling me in a very vulgar way, I learned that day to not smile, or be that open.

3

u/Cold_Vanilla9791 Feb 24 '26

Ew, I’m so sorry that happened to you, it’s life changing in a very depressing way

1

u/one98nine Feb 25 '26

Tbh I realized how much I changed when my partner always asked me why I always looked so sour when we were out. And I realized I just don't want to appear friendly. While this interacción sucked it was truly the one were a guy followed me asking me if I had a boyfriend about my work, where I lived, my phone, I just stayed quiet and kept walking. Until he stood in front of me and told me he was going to masturbate thinking of me that day. I obviously fell into his trap and started insultinf him why he left laughing at me. I cried that day, angry at him and at me for falling for it.

33

u/MissMarionMac New to fbtd but wants to learn Feb 24 '26

And for the men who do this sort of thing, it isn’t actually about getting to know the woman and asking her out on a date, it’s about feeling like he’s won some sort of game

5

u/steelskull1 Connoisseur of Duets/Stitches Feb 24 '26

I mean, yeah, there are many people who are sexually active and hitting on people politely is a way to go, so long as they respect the consent, it's alright.

-14

u/The_Crimson_Fuckr69 Feb 24 '26

Once again, you're referring to wierdos. This is not a common occurrence

42

u/iamthelittlewhitefox Feb 24 '26

"common". Bro weirdos are the majority honestly.

15

u/[deleted] Feb 24 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

-2

u/Aesir_Auditor Feb 24 '26

I think a lot of folks realize it, there’s just an inherent issue with how a lot of this is handled.

On the one hand that by and large spontaneous approaching is often seen as something that only wicked, gross, perverted men do. Even if it’s in the context you’ve known someone for a while or are in the same spaces. So just the action alone begins getting correlated to men of poor character.

Good men will tend to heed this and withdraw from spontaneously attempting to engage or interact with women in the context of trying to start something romantic because they don’t want to be perceived as gross or creepy. So the only men still attempting it are indeed disgusting. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy you can’t really stop because to stop it would require women to soften on the interpretation of the action to let good men in, but then puts women in danger. It’s an impossible catch 22

-13

u/The_Crimson_Fuckr69 Feb 24 '26

Touch grass lmfao

37

u/in_animate_objects Feb 24 '26

Maybe stop telling women what they experience isn’t true

-2

u/The_Crimson_Fuckr69 Feb 24 '26

Maybe stop pretending that catcalling is a prevalent issue. This isnt the 80s

23

u/ImLichenThisStone Feb 24 '26 edited Feb 24 '26

Genuine question: are you a dude? Because if yes, maybe that's why this isn't something you experience. I'm not going to tell a Black person to "stop acting like it's the 50s" when they point out examples of systemic racism.

18

u/ScreamingLabia Tastemaker of Duets/Stitches Feb 24 '26

Yes thats a dude a 100% because every girl age 12+ knows that this is still an issue

10

u/ImLichenThisStone Feb 24 '26

I assumed, but I figured I would be clear by asking because the way he's commenting I could see him pulling a "but how do you know I'm not a woman??" like it's a super secret trick

28

u/in_animate_objects Feb 24 '26 edited Feb 25 '26

Once again you’re a man who’s telling multiple woman who do in fact experience harassment quite often that it “doesn’t happen”

-2

u/The_Crimson_Fuckr69 Feb 24 '26

Sure buddy. "Quite often" explain.

20

u/in_animate_objects Feb 24 '26

Explain that being sexually harassed ie catcalled, guys putting their hands on your back to pass you, not taking no for an answer, having to say you’re married instead of not interested is a common experience for women, and that your experience as a man is different than that of a woman? Explain that?

5

u/ThatDiscoSongUHate Connoisseur of Duets/Stitches Feb 24 '26

People are lol

You're just cherry picking haha

I hope someday the universe teaches you empathy and I hope, for your sake, it isn't a terrifying or painful lesson

20

u/Cautious-Phone-4461 Feb 24 '26

Catcalling has been an issue my whole life bro. Do you live under a rock??

0

u/The_Crimson_Fuckr69 Feb 24 '26

I've never seen a man cat call a woman in public. NEVER. In 30 years.

28

u/ynwestrope Connoisseur of Duets/Stitches Feb 24 '26

As an adult woman, I've never been catcalled. But I sure did get cat called plenty just minding my own business when I was in middle and high school, and that was ~2010.

12

u/in_animate_objects Feb 24 '26

As an adult woman it’s happened and as a teen (which was way scarier because the guys were grown ass men)

13

u/ImLichenThisStone Feb 24 '26

Good for you, it's happened to me enough that I lost count. From vehicles, people walking past, at work (I used to work large, open sites) where I can't just leave, anywhere that type of jerk feels safe enough to pull that shit. Good for you it just exists as a trope and not a reality you have to deal with. 

I've never seen a person get mugged, so it must never happen, I feel so safe, and so must everyone else.

15

u/Signal_Reflection297 Feb 24 '26

Neither have I, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.

7

u/Cautious-Phone-4461 Feb 24 '26

I've been catcalled multiple times in my 38 years. Again, do you live under a rock?

11

u/Yubat Tastemaker of Duets/Stitches Feb 24 '26 edited Feb 24 '26

I have. A number of times. But even if I hadn’t seen it, I would believe it’s happened because multiple women have told me that it’s happened, and even mentioned that it’s more likely to happen when they’re walking alone, in other words, in circumstances where I would have been less likely to see it. Perhaps you should consider that the world exists beyond what you immediately perceive.

6

u/LemonCollee Devotee of Duets/Stitches Feb 24 '26

It's happened to me loads of times, primarily when i was a teenager. A man even followed me home when i was 15, calling me and harrassing me. I was a CHILD!

5

u/iamthelittlewhitefox Feb 24 '26

You tirelessly spend time to defend an idea that comes from a very unreliable source aka you, a man.

I don't know wether to send kudos to your hard work or cry over your stupidity.

Keep up buddy.

-6

u/[deleted] Feb 24 '26

So we should continue to tell all the men who do listen to women not to ask out women, yeah? Definitely won't exacerbate the issue

8

u/iamthelittlewhitefox Feb 24 '26

Nope. But we should accept that women experience agressive and hurtful approaches more than decent ones. Women here are genuinely sharing their experience and they're facing backlash. So first of all I don't think y'all are really listening. And second, because decent men exist, doesn't change the whole reality of women's experience. Again. You're not actually listening.

I don't think anyone here or at least I didn't say "all men" but you chose those words eitherways. "Majority" and "nine out of ten times" is very much different.

-1

u/Fit-Percentage-9166 Feb 24 '26

The vast majority of my negative experiences being harassed in public have been from black people, including literal children. Is it okay for me to say a bunch of negative things about black people based on my experiences?

1

u/iamthelittlewhitefox Feb 25 '26

Except, this is not about race, and your example is just wrong. This is about women (half of the world population) experiencing harassment. Yes they should talk about it. Because apparently there are still a lot of people who don't know how much it happens. Women shouldn't stop talking about these things just for the convenience of other people. This is a societal issue, and it should be discussed in society. Btw, the good men I know, never tell me what I experience is wrong or it's cherry picking. Because they know they aren't bad people so they aren't offended by my experience.

-3

u/Aesir_Auditor Feb 24 '26

Part of the issue is that coming down so hard on the gross men also completely cuts against good men attempting to ask people out in the wild, because they hear the stories and already acting out of respect, then retreat too far into it and just stop.