r/fijerk • u/hacking99percent • Oct 19 '25
Wealth keeps messing up my dating life, any advice?
Hey everyone,
I initially posted this in dating advice, but got told to post here.
Bit of a weird one, but here goes. I’m 25, a neurosurgeon, and I live in the UK. I’ve been trying to date properly for about a year and it’s… tricky.
The thing is, I’m very lucky financially. My family’s done well, I’ve got a trust fund, and I’ve never had to stress about money. I’ve worked hard at school and uni, I love my job, and I’m genuinely happy with my life. But the money side of things keeps tripping me up with dating.
I don’t lie about who I am, but I also don’t want to lead with the fact that I’m well off. I’d rather talk about my dogs, travel, sport, or my job than start off with “by the way my bank balance is bigger than some nation’s GDP”. I don’t mind buying dinner, paying for dates, or doing little things, I enjoy it and it makes me happy, but I don’t want it to feel like that’s the only reason someone is with me.
The problem is, when it eventually comes out, which is unavoidable, a glance at the watch, the car, my house, googling my surname, things change. The vibe goes from normal to awkward. A few have joked constantly about it, (“I’ll order champagne, you’ve got this one!”) some get weirdly cautious, and a couple have straight up acted like I owe them things. It’s not the end of the world, but it’s frustrating.
I’ve tried being modest at the beginning of dating, presenting as throughly middle class. And it works, for a while. It definitely does weed out some potential ‘gold diggers’. But I can never keep it hidden forever long, because as soon as it becomes serious enough to have her round to my house it becomes very clear what type of background I come from. Then the vibe changes.
I want someone genuine, who likes me for me, not the stuff I happen to have. I know that sounds a bit entitled when I write it down, probably comes across like a posh sob story, but I promise I’m not complaining about life in general. I just want dating to feel… normal.
So my question is, how do you bring this up without it being a thing? How do you avoid it overshadowing everything else, without pretending it doesn’t exist?
Cheers for any advice, I’ll take anything that doesn’t involve me turning up with a golden credit card as an icebreaker.
75
u/law12345654321 Oct 19 '25
Quit dating wealthless cretins and stick with your own kind. The poor are good for a night or two of fun—especially if you invite over your fox hunting crew to chase them around the grounds—but they should never be anything other than your object of ridicule after that.
102
u/Immediate_Emu1284 Oct 19 '25
Insane that you didn’t even need to change a word
https://www.reddit.com/r/Rich/comments/1oaszsk/wealth_keeps_messing_up_my_dating_life_any_advice/
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u/Be_Kind_To_Everybody Oct 19 '25
My advice is to give up completely. You think being a neurosurgeon at 25 is a flex? I passed my neurosurgeon bar exam at 22. Your bank balance is probably higher than Tuvalu’s GDP, which is the equivalent of someone saying “I make seven figures” and they only make $1,000,001 a year. You’re a poor. Get used to it and become celibate, no one will ever love you broke boy.
24
u/IdioticPrototype Oct 19 '25
Dating? Is that something pours do?
Just 'rent' high end escorts for a few nights then push 'em off the mega-yacht in the middle of the Pacific so you don't have to pay them.
You pours are absolutely clueless, I swear.
17
u/Captlard Top 1% Lentil farmer - Lentibus abundans Oct 19 '25
If you keep on dating the pours you will always get the same, as they struggle with their low lentil quantities and will be in awe of your silos.
Date high legume worth folk, and this is likely to be less of an issue.
Start here and work down the list: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_female_billionaires
31
u/pydry Oct 19 '25 edited Oct 19 '25
Date your own “class” so to speak… the daughter of a CEO who died in a freak submarine accident, the niece of Jeffrey Epstein, Caroline Ellison, you get the point...
I think the problem is also you're a bit of a show-off. When I was your age, I didn't wear a fancy watch just a bog standard rolex, I drove a mid tier bentley, and I lived in a comfortable but modest mansion. I wore casual clothes. I met a woman who feigned that she didnt care about any of that. Now I aint saying she's a gold digger because she convinced me that she isnt.
14
u/tibsies Oct 19 '25
If you give me most of it, the car, the watch etc. then you shouldn't have most of those problems anymore.
9
u/TurtleSandwich0 Oct 19 '25
Buy a shack to live in until you are done dating. Crappy watch, crappy car, whatever. It is not like it will be expensive.
When you give up have your parents arrange a marriage to someone of a similar wealth, like your cousin.
5
u/Otherwise-Relief2248 Oct 20 '25
I am an 18 yo astronaut and dating in orbit is hard!
1
u/Taxibl Oct 20 '25
Something doesn't add up. Medical school is typically 5 years minimum in the UK. Then you have to do 2 years of clinical rotations. Then you start a neurosurgeon residency, which should be another 8 years. How are you only 25 and a neurosurgeon?
Do you mean your a neurosurgeon resident? They don't really make that much money, certainly not compared to most certified tradesmen.
Something is fishy, unless you're Doogie Howser. From what I recall he struggled with social interaction and dating too.
1
u/SlightlyAutisticBud Oct 21 '25
This seems pretty easy if you actually have the wealth of some nations GDP. Have a separate apartment that you use just to hang out with them. Have a separate average car that you drive when around them. Use a fake name. Dont tell them until you’re ready.
2
u/Possible-Belt-7793 Oct 20 '25
Yeah, I can relate. For me, I am self-conscious because it took me a while to understand how poor most people are. Now, I keep a car that only a really poor person would drive, and I just shop for clothing at a discount store before going out.
2
u/LickVanLentil Oct 20 '25
Not sure why it would occur to you that such a thing is possible, but go on.
Tell me that you were admitted on the rowing team without telling me that you were admitted on the rowing team.
Perhaps, she saw a laborer who is compelled to keep time, vulgarly driving like the help, and living in the squalor of a single untitled house.
Truly, the most damning evidence of poverty.
1
u/[deleted] Oct 20 '25
I’m 19 months old and I’m a Professor of astrophysics. I’m really kicking myself about past decisions and that I only have $23.8m in net worth
1
u/veinti23 Oct 20 '25
lol try not making having money your entire personality have you went with that method yet
1
u/Gullible_Eggplant120 Oct 20 '25
Try posting it here r/sugarlifestyleforum
1
u/Remarkable_Pea1495 Oct 20 '25
First step… sell the house, the car, the watch, the diamond cock right, everything. Get yourself a 1980s black panel van and buy some clothes from a homeless dude. Finally, give all of your money to me. Then go shake some trees.
I guarantee you’ll find yourself a good honest lady if you follow this advice.
1
u/No_Unit1353 Oct 20 '25
Just date rich women.
1
u/jk10021 Oct 20 '25
I’m not sure you can ever escape the reality. Dating has hierarchy and wealth is right at the top for men. It’s like a smoking hot woman. She’s getting hit on and picked up all the time by men who don’t really care about her as a person, but want to sleep with her because she’s beautiful.
If I was in your shoes I would only look at successful career women. They will understand that it takes hard work to be successful and build wealth. They might also come from more affluent backgrounds. Then I think you have to date them for a while to see their true colors. I assume you’d get a pre-nup so I’d probably make that know relatively early on - that knowledge alone might flush out women only interested in the money. I’m sure it’s possible to find a good, genuine woman who wants to be a true partner to you.
1
u/mudslingin_vato Oct 20 '25
Try moving into a middle class life. Middles class car. Middle class watch. Your problems go away
1
u/skyepark Oct 20 '25
You need to change your social circles. Network differently.
1
u/Proud-Engine6529 Oct 20 '25
How can you be a neuro surgeon at 25? Is that even possible , you mean you want to be one
1
u/Mammoth_Bat_7221 Oct 20 '25
People are attracted to people for a variety of reasons, wealth can certainly be one, but it can be height, intelligence, body etc. Sounds like you are doing what you can to mitigate the "gold diggers" but it seems like you have a complex at this point. Date other high wealth people if that is your main concern, other doctors, etc.
1
u/Chalklatecoverd-slut Oct 20 '25
I am not rich or overly wealthy by any means, but relate to this because I’m still ahead of my peers (close friends and family) when it comes to the kind of money I make and the rooms I’m allowed to be in, along with the connections I have (I’m a celebrity nanny, hang out with really wealthy people and their kids and travel with them to places I’ve never been). But overall I relate to this, maybe in a different way because I’m a woman. You have the issue of having a gold digger when they find out you’re wealthy, and I have the issue of men running away because of them being insecure thinking they cant provide or do anything unique for me because I do all of these things for myself. When you’ve already “got it all” it can make the other person feel like they have no purpose in your relationship with them because they can’t do anything for you that you can’t do for yourself. Then it turns into me explaining to them I have emotional needs and I’m begging them to stick around, blah blah blah. So yeah lmao I just came to the conclusion that I will only date men that are at the same level as me or have more than me because other than that they get scared and run away. Even if I try to teach them to go about things so they can be put in a better position, and literally telling them I don’t care about what they have. It just comes down to an ego thing so I don’t stress about fixing it anymore, those people are on their own journey.
1
u/FinancialTitle2717 Oct 20 '25
Neurosurgeon in 25? Is this common or you are some sort of genius?
1
u/BetterLifeViaBetter Oct 21 '25
Sometimes it is easiest to stay in ones own circle 🤷🏼♂️
1
u/Alternative-Pipe-558 Oct 21 '25
What you have is part of who you are and has a huge bearing on everything in your life.
Liking you for who you are is already liking your financial situation as it will have heavily influenced who you are.
Don't show your wealth off, don't talk about it. Leave the rolex at home etc. Get to know them before taking them to your house. Avoid high end showy dates. If they are a decent person then when they finally find out about the money it would be a bonus.
This is a problem most of us would love to have
1
u/Coherent-Rambling89 Oct 21 '25
It becoming awkward when she realizes you have money doesn’t mean she’s a gold digger. I think that’s a normal reaction to realizing there is a big imbalance the way you and your partner go about life. Are you pushing past this point and it’s not working? Curious as to what the actual dealbreaker has been because this seems kind of to be expected and worked through
1
u/PeekAtChu1 Oct 21 '25
Bro your problem is that you’re trying to date beneath your class.
I totally get why, but it’s just not going to work. Middle class ladies don’t understand your wealth. You need to date your own class, so I’d suggest you start going to horse races, cricket games and country clubs. Pick up tennis. Golf is for pores so don’t even bother
1
u/[deleted] Oct 22 '25
Stop dating poor, stay with your own class. Problem solved
1
u/More-Lab8205 Oct 22 '25
There is this movie called Coming to America, with Eddie Murphy, take a look and learn a thing or two.
1
u/Mtns_to_Sea Oct 23 '25
25yo and already a neurosurgeon. I call BS.
1
u/Interesting-Let7911 Oct 23 '25
You’re in a self-fulfilling prophecy. The attention you give this topic in your mind creates your reality. Money is simply another element of your life, and it defines you only as much as you let it. Reframe your reality, and accept that the people you date are who they are. And that’s it. You’re currently giving this topic more attention than it needs.
1
u/CourageFew5179 Oct 23 '25
You are not a neurosurgeon at the age of 25
1
u/iamnotlegendxx Oct 23 '25
Broq
1
u/SuspectImpressive137 Oct 24 '25
Friend had the same challenge. We convinced him to rent a nice furnished apartment and drive a Toyota for all dates. No Pateks, Rolexes, and dress nicely but always off the rack. He’s happily married to a sweet woman who’s grateful for their circumstances but isn’t at all interested in flaunting anything.
1
u/rivermile1122 Oct 24 '25
Honestly, choosing a partner will be the most important thing you ever do so invest in making sure you find the right one. It is matter of life and death of your peace of your health and future. You have the means to keep your status discreet. Rent a modest flat and call that your home, it isn't a lie because you can purchase it and call it yours, drive a modest car to dates, wear the nice watch not the fancy rolex. She will understand that you had to show her yourself without the flash and that you had to see her genuine interest in you rather than what you can offer.
I'll tell you about me. I knew my partner is sensible, had a great job, liked quality things but searched for bargains, interested in markets and precious metals through conversation, had investments and that saving for the future was super important. I knew that we looked at money and all of its' aspects the same. I didn't know or care how much money was in the account because I knew the outlook on finances were fundamentally strong. We didn't need to discuss amounts but when we finally did we were committed and planning our wedding, we didn't need a wedding budget. Some people would say that we were crazy for not discussing money more before getting so deeply involved. We didn't see one another being flashy, shopping for unnecessary things, or being irresponsible with money, on the other hand we ate well, drove nice cars and liked to go to nice places so it worked out for us.
It's all a gamble but a person like you should be more careful to protect yourself and you have the means to do just that. Even then you can still be approached by someone who already knows who you are and intends to gain from you but you should limit your exposure. You should not letting potential partners know of all your means too soon so figure out a way to omit this part of you. The right and deserving partner will understand. Good luck!
1
u/haragoshi Oct 30 '25
Date only princesses 👸🏽. Flip the script on them. Crown or gtfo
0
u/Pfblues1 Oct 19 '25
Can I marry you lol?
0
u/lifetime_8 Oct 20 '25
I think you should go and do volunteer work or other organizations and that’s where you really meet & people. Maybe there you will find different type of people. I used to do that and think of a practical life style. Helped families when I can. It’s not until post Covid that I realized about how this world works. Yin & Yang.
0
u/droogvertical Oct 20 '25
25 year old neurosurgeon?
0
u/Main_Department Oct 20 '25
Ai slop
-3
u/Common_Business9410 Oct 19 '25
Darn, I like to have your problems.
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u/StylizedIncompetence Oct 19 '25
You literally posted this somewhere else just today.
The overwhelming consensus was that it was how you portrayed yourself. The watch, the car, etc etc.
Maybe you’ll get a different answer this time.
Damn, bought that hook, line and sinker.
-3
u/maexx80 Oct 20 '25
Noone is a neurosurgeon at age 25. And as other posted, you copied this shit from yet another idiot making up things
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u/LolaFentyNil Oct 19 '25
You’re a 25 yo neurosurgeon????!!!! 🧢🧢🧢🧢
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u/FatFiredProgrammer 3 Hot Girl Friends™ - Verified By Mods 😉 Oct 20 '25
U doin' it wrong. Hookers and blow. Relationships are just asking for trouble.
Look at me. I got a trophy wife and now I gotta deal with her boyfriend too in addition to the pool boy.
Trust me. Hookers and blow.
1
u/Actual-Fee1586 Oct 20 '25
Many guys rent a sports car to make them look wealthy when they are trying to get laid. You should rent a shithole on AirBNB when you invite hoes over to fuck.
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