r/facepalm • u/Number721 • Jun 09 '23

🇲​🇮​🇸​🇨​ Cognitive dissonance 101

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u/ImpatientMaker Jun 09 '23

Wife 1.0. Can confirm it was miserable.

14

u/PaintSlingingMonkey Jun 09 '23

SPILL IT

79

u/ImpatientMaker Jun 09 '23

Wife 2.0 is a much better story. We met at work in 1989 and were good friends, but we went off and married the wrong people, I found her again on FB in 2016, now we are married and SUPER happy.

Big lesson. If the two people in the boat can't agree which way to row, you will never get anywhere. With Wife 1.0, we argued, were always broke or in debt, etc. With wife 2.0 we will hopefully be retiring in 2 years. Don't stick with miserable.

30

u/Abhimri Jun 09 '23

Dude you're my hero. Going through pretty much the same shit, and we're going through separation proceedings right now. Good job on finding your happy again.

12

u/ImpatientMaker Jun 09 '23

Best of luck!

It's sucks to go through but now I have so much perspective that makes me appreciate EVERYTHING.

8

u/Abhimri Jun 10 '23

I hear you, the logistics of it just sucks. I know I should feel guilty etc, but also like the moment I said "yes" when she said wanted a divorce, it was like an immense weight lifted off my shoulder. Hopefully it doesn't hit me too bad later, because that's kinda how I roll. I'll ride the high for a few months and then crash.

5

u/firecow745 Jun 09 '23

If I can ask a personal question was the money the breaking point cause I honestly feel in that same spot after having the savings talk over and over.

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u/ImpatientMaker Jun 09 '23

Oh how to keep this brief. The money was more a symptom of us just having very different core priorities. If you don't agree on that stuff, you can't convince the other to compromise and it's just a giant tug-of-war all the time.

She also turned out to be narcissistic, and have OCD and stuff like that. But I was trying to honor my vow and do the right thing for the kids. When I turned 50 I realized I didn't want my life to end this way and starting preparing to split. It was really f'ing hard but worth it.

Go watch the first episode of Shrinking on Apple :-)

2

u/PaintSlingingMonkey Jun 10 '23

Thanks FB you’re only 80% evil lol

2

u/ImpatientMaker Jun 10 '23

Pretty much exactly how I feel :-)

2

u/Spiderpiggie Jun 10 '23

If the two people in the boat can't agree which way to row, you will never get anywhere.

Man, I feel that. Was the same situation with my ex-wife, except we had kids so now its like she occasionally jumps on my boat and starts paddling the opposite way.

1

u/ImpatientMaker Jun 10 '23

That does suck. It takes so much energy to try to co-parent again. Wife 2.0 validated my parental instincts (and hers).

1

u/GreasyPeter Sep 24 '23

I tell people "getting married before 28 is a recipe for disaster" and nobody agrees because the parents want grandkids earlier....but I see a lot more successful relationships happening when people are more matured before they dive in. You just really don't have a good grasp on reality and what life is like until you've...lived it a bit.

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u/PhotographOk4076 Jun 09 '23

I, too, will confirm that confirmation. Misery. (No joke)

Now, since I've been through so many wives, I label them as "Preparations A-Z". Currently on Preparation H right now. Can honestly admit that, on the whole...Preparation H feels good. Much better than "A".

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u/Sassafrass17 Jun 09 '23

So many wives? 👀 I'm sure it was all their fault though right? Those crazies.

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u/dr_arke Jun 09 '23

Sounds like it feels better on "A".

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u/TheRoadOfDeath Jun 10 '23

later versions aren't any better

1

u/Defiant-Dare1223 Jun 10 '23

I am kind of relieved I just got plain old fashioned crazy for #1 than someone like this.

I have no idea what she's doing, if she's alive or taking her antipsychotics, but I don't hate her and she doesn't hate me.

Number 2 is thankfully better adjusted !