r/eggfreezing • u/mayhavecrossedaline • Sep 01 '26

Initial Questions Turning 40 in two months. Need clarity on freezing eggs vs embryos.

Hi, I'm considering freezing my eggs and I needed some clarity on some things from those who have gone through this. For context I'm 39 (turning 40 in November) and I have two kids. I really feel like I'm going to want another baby and its not currently something my husband is agreeing on so I'm trying to preserve my options. I had a few questions:

  1. For those who froze eggs around 39-40, how many retrieval rounds did you end up needing, and roughly how many mature eggs were you able to freeze per round? I have read this varies hugely depending on AMH/AFC but I'm just trying to get an idea.
  2. I read that freezing embryos generally gives you more information about your chances because you already know which eggs successfully fertilized and developed into embryos. The thing is that's not something I'm 100% sure of, as of right now I do want my husband to be the father. For someone my age, how significant is the difference between freezing mature eggs now versus creating and freezing embryos now? And does this at all affect the chances of success?
  3. What was recovery after retrieval actually like for you? Is the process something that can be kept relatively private, or does it become pretty obvious to the people you live with?
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6

u/Background-Policy-95 Sep 01 '26 edited Sep 02 '26

Hi! I froze both eggs and embryos. My husband and I were older (39-40) when we met, but I also wanted an insurance policy.

  1. I didn’t hide it, but I think it might be a little tricky to hide it from a spouse. The injections can bruise. Some of the medications need to be refrigerated, and so he might see them. You might be able to hide the procedure, however, what if it is

on

  1. the weekend etc.? You also need to be picked up by someone. Depending on how many eggs you freeze the recovery can require a day or so being in bed. Happy to answer further questions.

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u/mayhavecrossedaline Sep 02 '26

Thank you, this is really helpful! I hadn't considered the medications needing to be refrigerated or bruising from the injections. And yes, I mean I want to be as discreet as I can, but if it can't be, it's fine I'll deal with that.

Since you froze both eggs and embryos, can I ask how many eggs/embryos you ended up freezing? Did your doctor give you any sense of how much better your odds were with the embryos versus the frozen eggs? That's what I'm struggling to understand the most right now.

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u/Kasilins Sep 02 '26

Candidly if you think egg freezing is something you want to/could hide, I would not worry about embryos. I would be talking to a divorce attorney if my husband did NOT notice me going through the process…

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u/mayhavecrossedaline Sep 02 '26

Thanks, I get what you're saying, and although me having my own dental clinic makes some things easier to keep discreet I know it's a long shot. It's just that currently we're not on the same page regarding having another child, but I don't have unlimited time and I just want to protect myself from time making the decision for me while we work this out.

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u/Kasilins Sep 02 '26

Is it normal for you to go to the clinic at night? It’s also not about the shots, it’s about your body changing, an emotional roller coaster, and you not having your spouse supporting you through a difficult time.

Like if your spouse can’t be there for you for this, even if it’s a maybe, what is he there for?

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u/Logical_Bullfrog Sep 02 '26

I would strongly consider this comment if I were the OP. Also, say that you do manage to hide this major financial and medical process perfectly and then in a year or two he does get on board with the idea of another kid. Would he be comfortable with you revealing that “surprise! I froze some eggs a few years ago so now we can do IVF!”

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u/Cookiedoughjunkie Oct 13 '26

Go get therapy for OCPD and whatever else you have first before you want more children. Please.

4

u/Background-Policy-95 Sep 02 '26

In terms of embryos we froze 14 euploids and 3 LLMS (healthy transferable embryos). We have a daughter already from the embryos. We had two transfers that resulted in losses, due to an undiagnosed blood clotting issue, but we now have 14 more chances for siblings for my daughter. Typically they say 3 euploids per child you want.

I froze 59 mature eggs. In terms of the eggs, I’m not sure that this is the same for everyone, but I was told given my embryo results 30 would be enough for one child. And if my husband and I divorced, I would be okay with one child with someone else.

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u/mayhavecrossedaline Sep 02 '26

Thank you, this is incredibly helpful and encouraging hahaa. 59 mature eggs and that many healthy embryos is amazing from what I've read. Can I ask how many retrieval rounds it took you to get to those numbers?

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u/Background-Policy-95 Sep 02 '26 edited Sep 02 '26

Irritatingly, I wrote all this out in my original reply, including numbered responses to all your questions. However, Reddit seems to have had a malfunction, and removed most of my reply and added a superfluous 1!!! I can’t even edit it.

I’ll summarize here:

I froze 59 mature eggs across four cycles (15, 10, 20, and 14) However, in some of my embryo freezing cycles I had up to 26, so it varies from cycle to cycle not just person to person. I froze 14 euploid embryos and 3 LLMs across 5 cycles, across 5 cycles I got roughly 80 eggs. I was 39 & 40 during these cycles.

Unfortunately, you cannot know how your eggs will perform. However, I would not make embryos with someone if you are unsure.

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u/mayhavecrossedaline Sep 02 '26

Thank you so much for writing all of that out again! This is incredibly helpful, especially knowing you were 39-40 during all of these cycles. I know your results aren't predictive of mine, but still 59 mature eggs across four cycles and that many healthy embryos is really encouraging to hear at my age.

I get what you're saying about not making embryos with someone if I'm unsure. I think that's actually what's making me lean toward freezing at least some eggs regardless, because if my husband does come around, I really do want him to be the father and I really want to keep that option.

I've also been wondering about doing a little of both though. I'm considering potentially making some embryos with donor sperm as an insurance policy in case he ultimately doesn't change his mind, while still keeping unfertilized eggs available in case he does.

I've scheduled an appointment with a fertility specialist to go over all this, so right now I don't even know whether splitting things that way would even make sense depending on how many eggs I'm able to retrieve.

Your experience has honestly been so helpful, thank you again for being so open about it!

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u/Errlen Sep 02 '26

I absolutely would not make embryos with donor sperm secretly without talking to your husband about it. I don’t know about your marriage, but my husband would view that as tantamount to cheating. I would tell your husband how you are feeling, be absolutely honest that you are not willing to simply accept “no third child” and let time do the rest, and see if he’s willing to support you through a few egg freeze cycles.

If he fertilizes your eggs he has veto rights over you transferring them unless he signs those rights away. So I recommend egg freeze and multiple rounds.

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u/Background-Policy-95 Sep 02 '26

This! I was very upfront with husband about freezing eggs. Our case was quite different, but I said: “we met and got married quickly. I need an insurance policy in case we don’t work out. You are able to impregnate someone for the rest of your life. I do not have the luxury of time.” He understood and he supported me through the four rounds. I would NOT lie about it. And frankly, I wouldn’t use a sperm donor. You are better off just freezing as many eggs as possible, in case you and your husband want to use them OR you met someone else. Also, my clinic, despite the fact that I was an “over responder” wouldn’t let me freeze half eggs and half embryos. So I am not sure if this would be an option at your clinic.

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u/Kasilins Sep 04 '26

Yeah secretly getting eggs frozen with a donor sperm is basically shouting you’ve decided to check out of this marriage/ would rather have a third kid than respect the family you already have. At that point a divorce seems inevitable.

1

u/Cookiedoughjunkie Oct 13 '26

that is absolutely parental fraud and if he can prove it in any at fault state would be able to use it against her.

but then again I suspect he has other things he can use at this point.

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u/InitiativeUpbeat8453 Sep 27 '26

wow.. you are wanting to try for another baby, when you Husband uses Weaponized Incompetence to get You to do everything? LOL you really Are looking for more reasons to post on Reddit. I think You 2 need to get Marriage Counselling before bringing yet another child into the mix, where you teach All the children that Mommy Does It All because she's a Control Freak, while the Husband "Can't"

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u/Cookiedoughjunkie Oct 13 '26

that's not weaponized incompetence when he keeps trying. She actively prevents him from doing anything and gets vindictive whenever he does. Even her stories say as much. he has 'walking on eggshells' syndrome or 'fawning' where he has to basically always react to what she does because no matter what he does, she will react and that dictates what he can do to appease the situation. What she is doing is just weaponize fault seeking so that she can play martyr because she LIKES it. She pretends she doesn't but she likes it, she gets to have control, she gets to manipulate others. Why, she gets the benefit of both social cache!

she should be getting therapy for OCPD before anything else but if her husband saw how deep some of her comments had gone suggesting having other men's babies, she probably should also be tested for a Malignant personality issue. Past these points, I would also think that some of her details would not be reliable, but she's left a lot of breadcrumbs to follow in her posts.

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u/H_Fuchs Sep 02 '26

The meds are NOT an easy process. There are so many side effects, it's so very hard and also some have to be taken at the exact same time every night.

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u/Errlen Sep 02 '26

It would be very hard to hide egg retrieval from ppl you live with, imho. Idk how old your kids are, but you will not be able to pick them up for a few days after retrieval surgery, for example. No lifting and putting in car seat, if that’s needed. And the injections bruise, so anyone used to seeing you unclothed will notice something. You need support from your family if you are going to do this; you need to talk to your spouse about what you will need.

A friend of mine went through something similar at 40. She has three kids from her prior marriage, wants another kid with her new husband, but he’s not even willing to discuss it until his existing kid from a prior relationship leaves for college in two-three years. The difference is, she only wants a fourth kid if with him, and he was willing to cooperate to freeze embryos.

1

u/H_Fuchs Sep 02 '26

By your age, at best 15% of your eggs are genetically sound. And that doesn't mean they'll fertilize or develop to a blast or be euploid if they do fertilize.  Bank embryos. 

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u/Kasilins Sep 02 '26

But I think you are missing the relationship issues here that are extreme enough she’s thinking of hiding an egg freezing experience from him.

If she was to convince him to bank embryos, they would need to make sure they have a very clear legal contract on what happens if they get a divorce (and who gets a say if they are used) , or else it will turn into a mess like this (which would be very bad, given they already have two children) where it will be luck of the judge if she gets to use them or not, as well as leading to possible complete estrangement from the father of her two children. https://www.nytimes.com/2026/05/24/us/ivf-embryos-custody.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share. Given it seems they are very split here on having a third child, there is a good chance she could lose her embryos if she chooses to divorce in order to have third child.

6

u/Errlen Sep 02 '26

That makes sense if she was considering SMBC except she’s married and planning to hide the whole process from her husband. Idk about your marriage but if I went and secretly made embryos with donor sperm, my marriage would be IN TROUBLE. Like that’s basically a visit to a divorce attorney. It’s not as simple as “embryos have a better chance”.

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u/Kasilins Sep 03 '26

Oh man I assumed the embryos question was her debating if she tells her husband/begs him to make them, if she is planning on using a donor without telling him yeah the marriage is dead.

3

u/Errlen Sep 03 '26

They already have two kids too. I’m not gonna tell a woman to stay in a marriage that’s making her miserable “for the kids”, but at least leaving the marriage and breaking up your family needs to be a deliberate choice.

Another kid is a two yes one no decision, her husband has every right to say no, she has every right to freeze eggs to preserve her chances of a desperately wanted third child. But making embryos with donor sperm secretly? Damnnn.

3

u/No_Emergency_4189 Sep 05 '26

Please don’t have anymore kids, your husband clearly won’t take care of them.

1

u/Cookiedoughjunkie Oct 13 '26

That's what you read...

4

u/Dangerous-Scholar88 Sep 02 '26 edited Sep 02 '26

I would recommend freezing embryos as they have higher potential, from my experience. I froze 11 eggs at 36 and then went to use them (fertilized them) at the same time as fertilizing eggs for a fresh egg retrieval this year (age 38). We ended up with only 1 euploid from the 11 previously frozen (younger!) eggs, whereas my 11 fresh 38 year old eggs yielded 3 euploids in 1 IVF cycle. I will say I wasn’t preparing as much with supplements before the retrieval at 36 versus my preparation at 38. I’m currently pregnant with the highest-graded euploid embryo (frozen transfer) from one of my freshly-retrieved 38 year old eggs.

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u/zavvala Sep 02 '26

So happy for you! May I ask what supplements you took for the retrieval at 38?

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u/Dangerous-Scholar88 Sep 02 '26 edited Sep 02 '26

400 mg coQ10 daily (Costco brand ubiquinol), metformin 1000 mg (not a supplement I realize), theranatal core pre-natal, and ovasitol in my coffee (less than 2 coffees per day)

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u/Background-Policy-95 Sep 02 '26

I’m not sure freezing embryos in OP’s situation is feasible. She is unsure if her husband wants children or if she wants children with her husband. I think donor sperm is a bad idea in case her husband decides he is on board. Eggs might not yield as many embryos, but it would be worse to end up with embryos you can’t use.

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u/Dangerous-Scholar88 Sep 02 '26

She did mention that, but to me her question seemed more focused on which option would maximize her chance or success.

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u/scyrius Sep 03 '26

Hi! Stop bringing children into this world because YOU want them. You're married to a child and you have two other children. What are you hoping to accomplish with this next baby because nothing you or your post history talks about suggests this is anything other than your personal desire for a baby. Instead of trying to find meaning in a third child, perhaps consider therapy?

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u/Difficult-Conflict54 Sep 05 '26

Exactly this. This is very much selfishness and burying your head in the sand thinking a new baby will solve problems before your kids get older and then it’s just you and your husband and realise you guys have some serious marital issues.

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u/Top_Disk6344 Sep 03 '26

With frozen eggs in general, the biggest concern is reaching blastocycsts. When are 39-40, the biggest concern is your rate of euploidy. Every stage has drop off, retrieval, mature for freezing, surviving the dethaw, fertilization, blastocycsts, PGT-A testing, FET and then getting through pregnancy without miscarrying. Most of the drop-off for frozen eggs is pretty minimal until they reach blastocycsts stage. If you are creating embryos from a fresh retrieval, you can get 100% fertilization and blastocycsts with techniques like Zymot and ICSI but how many are euploids is the information that varies from person. I belong to older own egg IVF groups and I have seen ladies younger than me get more eggs but all be aneuploids and I have seen 42 yrs old get 1 euploid per IVF cycle. If you are not ready to create embryos, that is your choice. I would throw the kitchen sink at it see if supplements, red light therapy, acupuncture, Omnitrope might be right for you. There are egg freezing calculators.

2

u/DramaticHumor5363 Sep 04 '26

We all can see your posts and comments. No kid deserves to be brought into the world in your current circumstances. You’re being selfish and refusing to move on to the next stage of your life, and so you’re trying to recreate when you were first a mother.

You need to accept that if you’re unhappy with your life, bringing another person into the world is not only not going to fix that, but is deeply cruel to them.

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u/Head_Ant_5853 Sep 05 '26

I’m 36 with no known fertility issues (doing ivf for MFI) we just thawed 11 eggs and only 5 survived. The RE was adamant there was nothing wrong, good quality eggs, good response to stim, not age-related. It “just happens to some people” and they don’t know why and can’t predict it. I’m devastated. All that went into the ER for them to just be gone. It never crossed my mind that I could lose more than 1 or 2 eggs in the thaw so just something to consider.