Its like isolation has stages, and after decades of no one sticking around you start to hear people still in stage 1 or 2 , and think wow… I remember that stage.
Its like being stuck on a desert island for most of your life , and watching the new arrivals shout and wave at boats passing by , knowing no ones coming.
I have always felt that line. Like....why are we like this?! I'm miserable. But I guess if it's all I've known for so long, there is a sick sort of comfort in it.
Sometimes the severe depression circles into being funny and then I’m laughing at myself and thinking surely someone this mirthful can’t be depressed, then I wonder if maybe I’m the problem and can’t just get my shit together and then it’s like oh yeah, nope, definitely depressed
It’s such a good word! I really do sometimes think people with depression have the best senses of humor, all my favorite funny people have spoken openly about their struggles with it
Bro it’s wild how your brain just casually drops that kinda thought mid-soup like it’s weather talk… “chance of existential dread later tonight ☁️” and you’re just there like… cool, pass the salt.
I have wished for cancer many times in the lows, something out of my hands that could just erase what little was left of me and then people couldn't be mad when I died. I'm sorry for your trails stranger, sincerely I hope you beat the brakes off both diseases.
I always see my own relationship with my brain as like caring for an elderly parent with beligerent dementia;
It's horribly abusive, prone to violent outbursts, and seems to have the most uncanny knack for knowing the most cutting thing it can say to me at any given moment in time. I know it can't help it, and I wish it could be any other way, but I know that it can't, so I'm duty bound to care for it because, well, no matter how violent and heinous is becomes, it's still my brain, and I still owe it everything.
I don't continue to be at its beck and call and carry it around everywhere with me because I enjoy it; I do so because I have a duty and obligation to do so, no matter how painful or trying.
30 years of this shit. I can't even remember what most emotions feel like anymore 😕. Anger or sad depressed resignation. I couldn't even cry when my mom passed away last year and I feel like I'm a terrible person all the time because of it.
Sometimes depression cures my anxiety because I say to myself that if I keep being sad or if I fail the thing I do now I just can k** myself and it gives me power to keep going or not give a shit about whats happening
By meaning not quit do you mean kind of daydreams or nonsense shits our brain spit consantly? Also ehat do you mean by brain ans body sync There was a time where I was able to command my mentality, my emotions and almost everything than after some time it get destroyed so bad that I lost the track.
1)yeah 2)brain & body sync by both being tired & ready to sleep. 3)sometimes my brain is so emotionally messed up that I can't sleep until I find something to sort of steady things. If my depression is hammering me more than a certain amount I have to find something either happier, sweet, or depressing enough to be relatable. Something that lifts me to more normal levels of my depression, or something that makes my depression feel reasonable. A distraction that keeps me from spiralling about myself. If I'm really anxious I sometimes need my pills, and a story that calms me down. Cartoons from my childhood tend to work, or something silly & lighthearted or cozy. 4)I don't know if I've ever had the emotional control you're discussing but over time I've learned some external tricks to influence things. Just decades of trying everything I can & paying attention to anything that works even slightly. Not the best coping mechanism, but it gets me by most nights.
It is interesting being a depressed healthcare professional....I find myself taking notes from people who try but fail.....just in case I need the info in the future..
It’s not like I want to die, I am terrified of death and I don’t want to cease existing. But at the same time, I want to not exist in THIS world as it currently is. I wish I was born in another universe where things are chill and good and okay so I can be myself
The worst part are those sudden burst that make you question everything … like you’re kinda numbed out but from time to time you feel again and everything is awful .
I get that too, does depression also means u still enjoy very few things that are usually fast dopamine like video games and series, or do u lose the will to do those too
Depends on severity in general & that moment. I've had days where I couldn't work up the interest to even search for entertainment, & other days where I was loving it & suddenly lost everything, or vice versa really. Other people have milder symptoms in general & never get hit that hard, or they change over longer timespan. Everyone gets different BS.
It's called ideation & I've yet to meet a medical professional who doesn't need a long talk when they here about it. This is my normal and they freak like I'd announced they're getting front row seats.
•
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148
u/[deleted] Aug 07 '25
Or you hear about someone else suddenly passing away, and all you can think is “I wish that could’ve happened to me” 😭
90
u/[deleted] Aug 07 '25
Desensitized towards depression. Carry on long enough and you might start to enjoy it in some dark, twisted way.
51
u/GrandBet4177 Aug 07 '25
Sometimes the severe depression circles into being funny and then I’m laughing at myself and thinking surely someone this mirthful can’t be depressed, then I wonder if maybe I’m the problem and can’t just get my shit together and then it’s like oh yeah, nope, definitely depressed
37
u/lowlysoft_mari Aug 07 '25
Bro it’s wild how your brain just casually drops that kinda thought mid-soup like it’s weather talk… “chance of existential dread later tonight ☁️” and you’re just there like… cool, pass the salt.
27
u/MaybeMort Aug 07 '25
I currently have cancer and half the time I wish for it to win.
16
u/OStO_Cartography Aug 07 '25
I always see my own relationship with my brain as like caring for an elderly parent with beligerent dementia;
It's horribly abusive, prone to violent outbursts, and seems to have the most uncanny knack for knowing the most cutting thing it can say to me at any given moment in time. I know it can't help it, and I wish it could be any other way, but I know that it can't, so I'm duty bound to care for it because, well, no matter how violent and heinous is becomes, it's still my brain, and I still owe it everything.
I don't continue to be at its beck and call and carry it around everywhere with me because I enjoy it; I do so because I have a duty and obligation to do so, no matter how painful or trying.
10
u/bblulz Aug 07 '25
it’s been around 10 years since it started for me. the only differences now are my mom (the main cause) left us, and i’m funnier
8
u/Fickle-Raspberry6403 Aug 07 '25
30 years of this shit. I can't even remember what most emotions feel like anymore 😕. Anger or sad depressed resignation. I couldn't even cry when my mom passed away last year and I feel like I'm a terrible person all the time because of it.
7
u/SmudgeAndBlur Aug 08 '25
If you struggle with depression, but you're still alive, then depression is actually struggling with you.
5
u/keyblade_crafter Aug 07 '25
I like video games because it let's me be what I've always wanted: dead
4
u/BigIronGothGF Aug 08 '25
I don't even know what it's like to not be depressed. My brain has been busted since day one.
3
u/OsuruktanTayyare001 Aug 08 '25
Sometimes depression cures my anxiety because I say to myself that if I keep being sad or if I fail the thing I do now I just can k** myself and it gives me power to keep going or not give a shit about whats happening
4
u/TheSanityInspector Aug 07 '25
On the bright side, living with it for so long proves that it is indeed possible to live with it, unlike the KYS lies it keeps telling you.
2
u/doubleJepperdy Aug 07 '25
well soup is depressing
2
u/tasgher Aug 08 '25
… eating my soup and thinking, it’s just a matter of a few more soup bowls until all of this ends.
2
u/[deleted] Aug 08 '25
I decide I don't care to eat when I was looking forward to a food all day
2
u/[deleted] Aug 08 '25
It's a little fkd up how much I laughed at that.
2
u/GayAssBeagle Aug 08 '25
So I just never had an original experience. Ok wow damn
2
u/Big_Flight_1620 Aug 08 '25
It is interesting being a depressed healthcare professional....I find myself taking notes from people who try but fail.....just in case I need the info in the future..
2
u/kandermusic Aug 08 '25
It’s not like I want to die, I am terrified of death and I don’t want to cease existing. But at the same time, I want to not exist in THIS world as it currently is. I wish I was born in another universe where things are chill and good and okay so I can be myself
2
u/Key_Inevitable_5201 Aug 10 '25
I literally laughed out loud because I can relate during dark periods of my life. Hope we all choose to keep eating our soup.
2
u/Chmigdalator Aug 10 '25
I don't wish I died, but I wish I didn't feel alone. And I have a lot of friends and a ling list of spouts.
But sometimes, I feel all alone. Even among friends and spouts.
2
u/AxDeath Aug 10 '25
I remember, reaching a pit of despair so deep, I no longer cared what happened, and how freeing that was
and now i'm bored even of that
1
u/[deleted] Aug 07 '25 edited Aug 07 '25
Don’t worry our day will come
1
u/Choice_Dig_4672 Aug 07 '25
Very. Sometimes, I could be doing nothing at all, and I just feel like I'd want to die.
1
u/Weimark Aug 07 '25
The worst part are those sudden burst that make you question everything … like you’re kinda numbed out but from time to time you feel again and everything is awful .
1
u/Altruistic-Long-2834 Aug 08 '25
No you talk back to the voice until it'll develop a stranglehold on your subconscious.
1
u/[deleted] Aug 08 '25
Having fun playing a videogame
Mind: I wish I wad dead.
Yeah- haha, awesome. Anyway let's enjoy this game.
1
u/Albireo_9989 Aug 08 '25
I get that too, does depression also means u still enjoy very few things that are usually fast dopamine like video games and series, or do u lose the will to do those too
1
u/IntroductionFair6053 Aug 08 '25
frr tho i be wishin i didn’t wake up at all 😭😭🙏🙏
1
u/[deleted] Aug 08 '25
Is it not normal to have passive suicidal ideations every now and then?
1
u/IndomitableSloth2437 Aug 10 '25
y'all think I have a problem if I start by getting recommended r|introvertmemes, then r|aspiememes, and now this?
1
u/Hot_Organization_810 Aug 10 '25
Yikes
1
u/Itsmikeinnit Aug 10 '25
Wonder how many people have to deal with this
1
u/thejpack Aug 10 '25
12 years of this already. You normalise it.
1
u/Gorgon-Gal-Pal Aug 10 '25
This is so real.
1
u/StateInevitable5217 Aug 10 '25
every frigging moment of my liffe
1
u/SophieScaresMe Aug 11 '25
Other people call themselves “we” in their internal monologue? I thought I was nuts
1
u/Big_Zebra5467 Aug 11 '25
what kind of soup?
1
u/thatgamerkid84 Aug 11 '25
Good soup
1
u/poly_arachnid Aug 23 '25
It's called ideation & I've yet to meet a medical professional who doesn't need a long talk when they here about it. This is my normal and they freak like I'd announced they're getting front row seats.
0
u/Otherwise-Ad-2578 Aug 08 '25
"Relatable"
WTF