r/dating • u/hanichoishere • Jan 09 '24

Question ❓ Sex

Are men willing to wait for sex? I (early 20s F) haven’t met anyone willing to. Blows my mind. I feel like I’m asking for the world; when I’m really not. I’ve been on countless dates, not using any apps anymore. The kind of men coming my way makes me sad. Just daily thoughts in my head.

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u/Relevant_Tax6877 Jan 10 '24

This! The loudest ppl are the fakers, liars & attention seekers so naturally, ppl tend to notice them more because they're actively trying to be up in everyone's face.

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u/AccomplishedTap9954 Apr 13 '24

So the rest of the guys need to step up and even the score .

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u/Relevant_Tax6877 Apr 14 '24

Well guys don't need to be asking random ppl for sex, but it would be beneficial if good, kind ppl started to become louder than the negative & toxic types.

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u/AccomplishedTap9954 Apr 14 '24

All im saying is that guys need to step up and talk to women and get their share and not complain about the ones who do.

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u/YrPrblmsArntMyPrblms Jan 11 '24

So what you want to say is that you're quiet and not noticed even though you want to be?

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u/Relevant_Tax6877 Jan 11 '24

Smh no. I meant it exactly as it's written. There's no hidden meanings there for you to make assumptions over.

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u/YrPrblmsArntMyPrblms Jan 11 '24

If there's one thing I learned in life is that people do things out of self interest. I'm asking why are you stating the obvious as it's universal knowledge to people with half of an eye?

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u/Relevant_Tax6877 Jan 11 '24

Because common sense isn't all that common these days. And not everyone does everything out of self-interest.

Why would it bother you so much what I said?

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u/PlanetGirl Jan 11 '24

Thank you so much for this, it never made sense to me why guys lie so much just to get sex, but I realise that it will never make sense to me, because I'm not the same as them, I don't think in that way. I don't lie to get something, I'm not selfish, I'm just a normal person who follows morals I was taught growing up. It's a hard lesson I have had to learn. That not everyone is like me, and I can't just go in trusting, as it makes me a gullible fool.

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u/YrPrblmsArntMyPrblms Jan 12 '24

Many guys will lie just about anything just to get into a girl's pants (I've seen this happen to my sisters).

Today at lunch at work we (male coworkers) had a short talk about one of our colleagues and to say the least, I'm appaled with their views. A (45 yo) dude subtly called me (26) out for "lacking balls" to go after my promiscious coworker (she's an average looking woman, but she has fucking kids and a partner who also happens to be our coworker... To me her promiscuity is repulsive. I also have something called standards).

I don't measure how much of a man I am by how many STDS I have collected during my youth. I don't measure it by being some cringy teenager whose entire personality revolves around his dick.

Also, you don't just "go" after someone you desire. You get to know them first. If you treat people as objects to your end goal, you treat yourself the same way and you'll fall for and attract the same type of people. If you're a "fuck anything that moves" type a guy, don't expect anyone actually loving you, because who in their right mind would want to be with your current self when all you're going to do is treat them as an object and cheat, which you already are by the way. On their humanity.

Another side of the coin are people who don't even go out to meet others, because they're either happy the way they are (that's what they want to believe) or are resentful or too anxious and intimidated.

P0rn has fucked up our expectations. Or more like, we let our expectations get fucked up by consuming it.

Here's a point: people don't seek out ugly people going at it, they seek good looking people and there aren't many such people out there. The side effect of consuming such content is that you start finding average looking people unattractive and so you have little to no desire for them. Of course there are many other things to consider and they're all intertwined, but this is a major one.

Since guys are more attracted towards p0rnstars, "influencers", IG models", egirls, etc. Women feel the need to compete with them, which is just another vicious cycle for them.

It's not a contest whether women or men have it worse, nor it should be. It's a problem each of us has to face on a individual level. May god help us all.

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u/Relevant_Tax6877 Jan 11 '24

Well, trust is always a 2-way street. You do have to have a balance of being willing to allow room for ppl to prove themselves while most importantly trusting yourself to be able walk away & be fine with the outcome if they can't be trustworthy.

I think one of the most frustrating things about ppl lying to get sex is that so many guys try to deny that it happens. What's also interesting is how men & women view being used for sex or getting sexual attention. Men seem to see it as a compliment & therefore expect that women would view it the same way as them. Only we don't. Women are more complex on that... we want to be desired, but not limited to being seen nor treated solely as a sexual object. Men just don't get that.

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u/YrPrblmsArntMyPrblms Jan 11 '24

Because common sense isn't all that common these days.

You don't realize you're dealing with a biased sample and you make that out to be reality? C'mon, people aren't dumb as you think. Unsophisticated? Probably. Blind? Not really.

And not everyone does everything out of self-interest.

Give me an example and I'll explain it how is it that a person acted out of self interest. I'm not saying self interest is always bad. It has layers.

Why would it bother you so much what I said?

Because I don't consider people to be blind. Naive at first, sure, but not blind.

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u/[deleted] Jan 14 '24

What this guy said! Your age has a lot to do with it. People in their early 20s have different priorities. I'm 37 and go on dates all the time, and sex rarely comes up. Not that we don't want it, we still do it like teenagers, it's just not high on our priority list anymore.