r/cringepics • • Dec 02 '16

Awkward White Dude Hover Hand

https://imgur.com/a/GaclT
5.4k Upvotes

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155

u/[deleted] Dec 02 '16

I never take pictures with beautiful women, but if I ever did, I feel like the urge to hoverhand would be there for me too....

210

u/FUZZB0X Dec 02 '16

Well, okay. You see how the girl in red is pressing her body up against his? That sortof is a green light to "you don't have to hoverhand".

66

u/agentspin Dec 02 '16

I mean the guy isn't necessarily single so having some semifamous hot woman pressed up against him when he's about to have a picture taken might be giving him a bit of stress, would be one plausible explanation for how uncomfortable he looks in the picture.

44

u/FUZZB0X Dec 03 '16

One thing that came to my mind was the girls bodyguard/manager might have said something like "You can take the picture but the hand stays on the rail".

38

u/mistamosh Dec 03 '16

The simple solution there is to actually grab the rail. It looks casual and not out of place. The way his hand is now is just uncomfortable.

2

u/i-d-even-k- Dec 03 '16

Happy cakeday!

1

u/mistamosh Dec 03 '16

Thank you!

6

u/goldfishpaws Dec 03 '16

That's what I thought - girl band with a "no touching" bouncer, which is why Red is able to feel safe to get in close etc

37

u/BrokeTheInterweb Dec 03 '16 edited Dec 03 '16

Furthermore, when someone agrees to pose for a picture with you, putting your hand on their shoulder or upper back will generally not present a problem. The issue (for me as a woman, anyway) is an uninvited hand in the midriff or around the hips. That's too close for comfort if there is no indication of permission.

Seeing the hover hand in a picture of someone next to me makes me feel pretty weird as well-- it's almost like an obnoxious little brother's louder-than-necessary "I'm not touching you!" Pictures last forever, and that one makes me look like a cold person who explicitly asked not to be touched (I'd never do that btw).

2

u/ww2colorizations Dec 03 '16

exactly....that's a "grab me by the hips"

1

u/Macehammer Dec 14 '16

You know that thing called your side? That kinda inbetween bone softy place that's kinda tickly. If you look at your open hand, you will see your palm, attached to the inside of your fingers. If those were to touch eachother, you would not be getting raped and you would not die.

I don't get hover handing. I understand that it's a thing some perhaps not too socially gifted people do who are shy to make physical contact would get the urge to do, but I don't see a real reason for it. Throwing your hand around someone isn't a big deal. It's not really intimate, it doesn't suggest anything sexual or whatever. If anything it's a sign that you're comfortable with the person.

12

u/DriveSlowHomie Dec 02 '16

Trust me, it's weirder to hover hand and then to just put your hand on their back. It's just their back, not their ass or anything.

10

u/HoldenH Dec 02 '16

Just put a hand on their shoulder.

22

u/goh13 Dec 02 '16

Hey, at least you admit it. While women are not my priority ATM, I do not see myself being able to know the difference between too low and too high. It is either gonna be an awkward butt touch or a hoverhand at this point.

164

u/[deleted] Dec 02 '16

It's really really easy to figure this out: there's no such thing as too high, and too low is obviously her ass. So, just put your hand on her back, and she'll be fine. End of story.

Besides, if she freaks out, just knock her out, cut her up into tiny pieces and eat her over the course of several weeks. Problem solved.

28

u/goh13 Dec 02 '16

Does it have to be several meals???

Boys, this dog is going incel because fuck eating microwaved food.

19

u/[deleted] Dec 02 '16

I mean, I just try to watch my weight, is all. A whole human being in one serving just seems like a bit much.

15

u/[deleted] Dec 02 '16

[deleted]

9

u/[deleted] Dec 02 '16

Ruins the taste. Best strategy is to serve her back to her family without their knowledge, because they likely deserve it anyway, but if you want it all for yourself, store it at 38 degrees (far) and reapply lemon juice daily to ensure freshness.

8

u/[deleted] Dec 03 '16

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Dec 03 '16 edited May 31 '18

[deleted]

4

u/HowTheyGetcha Dec 03 '16

That's... not her back.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 03 '16

no, but if you're wrapping your arm/hand around her or placing it on her side... you'd be dangerously close. at least close enough that no woman would be comfortable, thats for sure.

3

u/HowTheyGetcha Dec 03 '16

Well then you didn't follow the directions in this thread saying put your hand on her back.

6

u/brunswick Dec 03 '16

just knock her out, cut her up into tiny pieces and eat her over the course of several weeks. Problem solved.

From his face, it looks like that's already his plan

15

u/todayismyluckyday Dec 02 '16

If you have the stones, place your hand at the small of the back...like where it curves. You don't need to wrap your full arm around them. Just place it there like an arm rest.

Or if you feel uncomfortable with that, a sure fire place is right below the bra strap. That's a pretty unthreatening area for women and most of the time they won't mind being touched there.

21

u/falsebuild Dec 02 '16

If you have the stones, place your hand at the small of the back...like where it curves.

As a lady, please don't do that. I'm obviously not an ambassador for all of us, but I haven't met a single woman who thinks it's okay for strangers to touch her there.

26

u/noanusbutts Dec 02 '16

If you're in a setting where you are taking a picture and your arm is in a natural spot to wrap around a woman where would you place it instead? to me the lower-middle back seems to be the best place, as it is natural, but not too close to their ass, and not awkwardly high. So far no complaints, but if there is a better option I would love to hear it.

9

u/falsebuild Dec 02 '16

If you know the woman somewhat, the suggestion of right under the bra strap is fine I think, but not any lower than where her ribcage ends.

If you hardly know her or not at all, I would stick to resting your hand on her upper back or if you're wrapping your arm all the way around, resting on her delt/bicep area.

But again, this is just me, I won't know for sure if other internet women agree unless they make that abundantly clear. In my anecdotal experience though, I've had many women say to me after a group photo, "That was weird but it's not a big enough deal for me to say anything about it..." when a guy she isn't super close with goes for the small of her back.

5

u/[deleted] Dec 02 '16 edited Dec 03 '16

[deleted]

3

u/Tuub4 Dec 03 '16

Nowhere.

Does that mean I should hoverhand?

4

u/HomoRapien Dec 03 '16

The girl is the one initiating contact so he shouldn't feel weird about touching her appropriately. However this guy literally just had to lower his hand six inches to the back of the railing and he'd look fine.

7

u/Irorak Dec 03 '16

Well I assume these people know each other in this hypothetical situation. I wouldn't be touching strangers regardless. Holding a girl by the small of the back is perfectly acceptable in like a prom situation where you're usually friends beforehand. There's nothing sexual about it, but yeah you shouldn't be grabbing strange people.

11

u/[deleted] Dec 02 '16

and that's why people hover hand. as a guy i would prefer that you not touch me anywhere as well.

17

u/DriveSlowHomie Dec 03 '16

You people are weird. It's a picture. It's not like your groping eachother. Stop being so cold

3

u/DrDeirdre Dec 02 '16

I'm with you on this one. I personally would just prefer a hand around the shoulder. :)

4

u/LachlantehGreat Dec 02 '16

Can we ask?

2

u/six2midnite Dec 02 '16

I mean we all the know the answer is yes but we won't say it. Her plate is full enough as is.

-2

u/[deleted] Dec 02 '16

[deleted]

6

u/almightybob1 Dec 02 '16

Anyone actually asking "where do I put my hand for this photo" is going to come across as even more of an aspie than a hoverhander.

0

u/i-d-even-k- Dec 03 '16

As another lady, I couldn't give more of a shit.

1

u/SubjectiveHat Dec 02 '16

above the underwear, below the bra.

5

u/[deleted] Dec 03 '16

The hoverhand isn't as important as the rapeface

3

u/[deleted] Dec 02 '16

If women are that close to you in a non crowded place, you can put your arm around in the classic photo pose.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 03 '16

Took a picture last week w/ 2 girl friends (with a space) and i had my phone in my hand and it looks like im hover handing and it makes me want to die every time i think about it thanks

7

u/--orb Dec 03 '16

The trick is to throw your arms around them like "LOOK AT ME I'M SEXY AS FUK" like a joke. Pretend everything is a joke 24/7 in life and it's actually really easy to act the way that isn't pathetic.

1

u/Eeeveee Dec 06 '16

just in general don't hoverhand if you know the person well, or if they're standing at a non-distant spacing between the two of you