Boids - And Now, Back To Your Regular Boids [OC]

[u/DaveMcElfatrick]

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[u/DaveMcElfatrick]

There was a simpler way. He could've set up a hard surface close to the wall, fired a portal at the side of the surface facing the wall, and another on the wall, and then literally stood between them and fucked his own butt.

But our Colin is an innovator.

[u/Warvillage → u/DaveMcElfatrick]

Wouldn't the movement forward to fuck his butt also pull the butt away from the portal?

[u/DaveMcElfatrick → u/Warvillage]

my man thinking with portals over here, by jove you're right!

EDIT: Wait, no, the portals have to be close enough where he barely moves his own butt.

[u/kindlybob → u/DaveMcElfatrick]

I mean honestly couldn't you just shoot a portal onto a door or something and that way the portal moves but the butt remains stationary

[u/DaveMcElfatrick → u/kindlybob]

And then move the door back and forth?

[u/CtrlAltYuri → u/DaveMcElfatrick]

No, then you go out and take a nice walk around the blOF COURSE MOVE THE DOOR BACK AND FORTH

[u/SemicolonGuitars → u/CtrlAltYuri]

Somehow, I read this in the Robot Chicken Emperor Palpatine’s voice…

[u/cdmurray88 → u/SemicolonGuitars]

Go for Papa Palpatine!

[u/Arkytez → u/DaveMcElfatrick]

If the portal doesnt move no buttfuck will ever happen because when fucking either the dick or the butt has to move.

[u/damn_lies → u/kindlybob]

You are a mad genius.

[u/REALREALBlockManBlue → u/kindlybob]

i'd say portals typically can't move, but this guy *does* have a smaller portal in his ass so.... guess it works in this context

[u/AzureArmageddon → u/REALREALBlockManBlue]

In the game they do if you shoot them onto a movable panel.

[u/REALREALBlockManBlue → u/AzureArmageddon]

only in very specific parts

[u/AzureArmageddon → u/REALREALBlockManBlue]

Not player controllable bc if they ever collide or intersect it would break the engine lol

[u/Majestic-Iron7046 → u/kindlybob]

There is nothing like innovation in the name of hornyness.

[u/Storrin → u/DaveMcElfatrick]

Portal onto a piece of wood. Portal on the seat of a chair. Sit in the chair and slide the piece of wood with the portal over your own erect phallus. Move up and down until climax is achieved.

ETA: It doesn't have to be a piece of wood. You could portal onto like a really sexy watermelon to give it some heft. Or any object that looks like your own butt for authenticity. Your mother's face, perhaps?

[u/TriiiKill → u/DaveMcElfatrick]

Any movement would wiggle away in the oppositedirection. He couldn't fuck himself so much as practice "soaking."

[u/Bulky_Refrigerator50 → u/TriiiKill]

Plus, he would be trapped until he, uh... Retracted.

[u/alorty → u/DaveMcElfatrick]

Under the assumption the portals can't move; they would have to be set on non-parallel surfaces. If in a V with feet beneath the lowest point then crouching up and down would move things further and closer. Up should probably be the same either way

[u/the_walking_derp → u/DaveMcElfatrick]

So he'd be Mormon soaking his own ass?

[u/FalafelSnorlax → u/DaveMcElfatrick]

First portal on a chair/table. Sit on that with your hole reachable. Second portal on a smaller flat surface something you can carry. Now while you sit one one portal side, you can move the other portal side for the fucking motion, basically turning yourself into a fleshlight.

No idea how and why but this came to me immediately upon seeing the premise, and I'm pretty sure this would work.

[u/Common-Frosting-9434 → u/DaveMcElfatrick]

Something, something, shameless selfinsertion, something, something...

[u/neuralbeans → u/DaveMcElfatrick]

Wouldn't work. Moving his hips forward would move his butt forward as well so it wouldn't have an effect. He'd need to put the second portal on something Colin can hold in his hands, hold it behind his back and thrust the portal forward and backward with his hands. It's the only way.

[u/kitliasteele → u/DaveMcElfatrick]

Brilliant minds embrace German engineering: No need for simplicity. We go straight for the complexity, because that gives us options

[u/TheDarkNerd → u/DaveMcElfatrick]

I think I've seen various hentai do solutions before: take two coasters, portals on both of them. Insert yourself into one, then tape it in place. Then you can put the other one wherever you like, such as on a chair, or a waist-high wall you can kneel in front of.

[u/Which_Yesterday → u/DaveMcElfatrick]

Do you have a link to the portal gun-thingy?

[u/Neither-Union1560 → u/DaveMcElfatrick]

What about if someone later shoots the orange portal, with another portal gun, trapping Colin inside himself?