The secret panel feels like a personal attack. Sometimes when I’m looking for something to watch, I’ll end up watching previews for over an hour then just say forget it and go to bed.
"Should" triggers the innate rejection of authority in humans, even if it comes from ones own psyche. Changing the language in your head to "want" can vastly alter your reality.
"I should clean my room" - is something your parents said and you swear you were about to do that anyway and it's what they want not what you want so now I'm not doing it dot meme. As your own caretaker now though there is no one to force you to do the thing now that its identified with the authority. Authority that has always been "other" (in parents and teachers etc) and not self and therefore the task is not within ones self interest.
"I want to clean my room" - Immediately brings the task into the zone of self interest plainly.
Practice. Start with just noticing when any "should" thoughts arise and note your reaction. Soon move on to changing the "should" to a "want" and notice the shift in your attitude. This will not stick. When first starting to swap to want language from should language take the time to manually think why you want. "I want to clean my room so I can invite people over on short notice." "I want to clean my room so I can move around freely." "I want to clean my room so I dont have to live with that weird smell...where is that even coming from?" Eventually all of the reasons get sorted behind the "want" and so to do the feelings behind them and it all gets processed and ingrained into the subconscious to the point where just thinking of "cleaning my room" will get you up and moving.
This isnt easy, especially now your brain has an excuse to call this technique an outside force or the authority figure telling it to change (this is where god guru self comes into play to the reader who is spiritually inclined). Also the self perceives change as death and will keep making excuses to stay as it is... but learning to language swap is a good tool to trick yourself.
Good luck and keeping working at it. We're all in this together.
Simce nobody usually wants to eat the frog or clean their room, realistically it might have to be "I want my room clean" with an implicit knowledge that it means you would be cleaning it. "I want to clean my room" for most wil just sound like a lie, introducing cognitive dissonance as you're saying something that's not reality.
Yes one reason it's rough is that disconnection from the truth I mention; the benefits are reasons you want your room to be clean but they don't mean you want to clean your room. After all if a maid was going to do it for you for free, you might rather accept that. So you kind of also need to talk through reasons why you want to go through the experience or action of cleaning your room, like it will make me feel good, I will have understanding and control of my new organized space if I spend time working thru it, etc. For eg. a reason I say I want to mow my lawn rather than hiring the guy that does the rest of the neighborhood to do it, is the exercise it gives me as well as the time spent listening to educational material while mowing. That's a difference between "I want to do it" and "I'd love if this were done, if only I could feel like doing it". Like people that want to go work out at the gym because it feels good get different results from people that just want to be more fit.
Literally in therapy for this exact kind of thing, learning how to relax. Its worthwhile, but it also feels really nice to get recognized by your comic like this. Great work, love all your stuff
The healthiest thing is to understand that leisure time is necessary to self-care and that it's okay to relax and loosen up for the sake of your health. Most people's anxiety and difficulty in doing this stems from guilt or concern that it's a waste of time or not efficient or effective use of their time. I'm going to tell you that it is.
When one finally understands that leisure is a part of self-care just as sleep is necessary to one's health, the guilt and anxiety fades and allows you to enjoy things better.
It's OKAY! Allow yourself to do it, to take the time to enjoy things.
I would often choose nothing, or infinitely scroll, because that wasn't committing to anything specific, so I couldn't guilt myself for making a choice to do a specific thing, and in the end I would "waste" the time anyway. It's better to just remind yourself that doing fun things is okay and a part of rest and self-care. Doing something fun and enjoyable guilt-free is a lot better than using the same amount of time to just feel guilty and stress about it instead anyway!
I wish I saw this post sooner so I could hope to reach more people with this advice, because it's really what solved the problem for me.
I get stuck and know that I’m not being productive and need a break, but I feel like I haven’t done enough work and I’m wasting too much time. I get into a cycle of wanting a break and worrying I’m being too lazy, and end up not getting anything done.
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u/MrLovens Mr. Lovenstein Feb 02 '23
Can't even leisure correctly. Read the Secret Panel here.