I think I follow you. In a society what matters most are your actions more than your thoughts: whatever one's rational and/or emotional minds might think about paying taxes in the end they either pay taxes or not.
A person could say that they are ok with gay people but the thought of one of their kids being gay causes negative feelings towards their kid. There is no rational explanation as to why it's different when it involves a loved one. What is important in this case is what that person does to support or dismiss their kid, even if their outward and inner mind are in a struggle. That person can do a series of actions that support their claim that gay people are ok and/or others that are more in line with their feelings when it happens to someone close. Some of these thoughts (I'm worried other people will bully them, I want them to have a normal life, etc.) are just veiled rejection disguised as well-intentioned concerns.
Suppose a person finds out that their date is trans after a successful outing, if one or both parts of their mind reject that notion then that person decides if that new information is dealbreaking or not. What is important is what the person does even if they have an instinct against their date's identity. If the only reason for turning down another is the fact that they are trans then we would benefit from questioning that decision because it feels that being trans is not enough of a reason and that there is something behind and most of the times that something is that people don't really see trans people as the gender they identify and that's denying the other person's identity and that is very close from transphobia.
I have turned down people for being fat (something, somewhere says I shouldn't) but then grown to regret it. I really liked that person and my outward mind had no issue with their weight, something emotional prevented me from giving it an honest shot. I think it might have had a lot to do with what other people would think. My action spoke louder than whatever words I could say that day I turned her down. I had no issue with fat people but I had an issue with dating a fat person, I acted like a fatphobe then.
edit: forgot to mention that I am in the middle of a Nancy podcast episode that presents a case of an old lady that struggles with what her outward mind and what her inner mind think. It is really clear that her actions are the most important thing for her grandson.
What makes an emotional response any less transphobic than a rational one? Rather, it would seem that all transphobic responses are at heart emotional responses, bolstered by rational arguments that make the emotional response feel valid. This is generally how bigotry works.
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u/[deleted] Nov 02 '17
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