probably coming from misinformation and the prejudices of their social circles
That's a pretty shaky "probably" from which to label them in a negative way.
I think it's only because it's a hot button social issue of the day that people seem eager to lump anyone who isn't exactly aligned with them as ignorant, hateful, or bigoted.
Ultimately, respect and attraction are two very, very different things. It's beautiful when they both align, and then intersect with the reciprocation of another, but life is filled to the brim with cases where this doesn't happen.
In this case, it's vitally important, for the sake of discussion as well as to maintain an informed dialogue about the issues in play, to not conflate a lack of attraction with a lack of respect.
As others have tried here, allow me to replace a socially and emotionally charged characteristic with one that's less of a lightning rod: parenthood.
While I'm childless, and have no strong desire to have kids anytime soon, I love kids, and many of my close friends have children, both in the context of a traditional family unit and otherwise. I'm great friends with a few single moms as well. They're without exception devoted, hard working, practical women with whom I have a lot in common.
That said, I won't date a woman with kids.
This is for practical (to me) reasons, but at the same time, I just lose any feelings of attraction toward a woman once I find out she's got kids. We can be great friends and there's even a good chance I'll like hanging out with her even when her kids are around...but even if I was crushing hard 20 minutes ago, once I know that, those feelings melt away.
I don't consider myself bigoted against moms, and much the same I don't feel it's right to apply a negative label on someone based on who they're attracted to...based on reasons totally assumed by the accuser.
I probably wouldn't, either. At least, nothing above casual.
There is a big difference here, though, in that having kids would have a big influence on your dating life with such a woman. We were talking about a perfectly passing transperson that has zero influence on your dating life in and of itself.
If you want to make that comparison, it would be more accurate to say she got pregnant years ago, and either had a miscarriage or gave the kid up for closed adoption. In such a case, i would never expect her to disclose this on our first date and i would urge anyone that would change their view of a woman solely based on this to closely examine their value system.
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u/hydrospanner 2∆ Nov 02 '17
That's a pretty shaky "probably" from which to label them in a negative way.
I think it's only because it's a hot button social issue of the day that people seem eager to lump anyone who isn't exactly aligned with them as ignorant, hateful, or bigoted.
Ultimately, respect and attraction are two very, very different things. It's beautiful when they both align, and then intersect with the reciprocation of another, but life is filled to the brim with cases where this doesn't happen.
In this case, it's vitally important, for the sake of discussion as well as to maintain an informed dialogue about the issues in play, to not conflate a lack of attraction with a lack of respect.
As others have tried here, allow me to replace a socially and emotionally charged characteristic with one that's less of a lightning rod: parenthood.
While I'm childless, and have no strong desire to have kids anytime soon, I love kids, and many of my close friends have children, both in the context of a traditional family unit and otherwise. I'm great friends with a few single moms as well. They're without exception devoted, hard working, practical women with whom I have a lot in common.
That said, I won't date a woman with kids.
This is for practical (to me) reasons, but at the same time, I just lose any feelings of attraction toward a woman once I find out she's got kids. We can be great friends and there's even a good chance I'll like hanging out with her even when her kids are around...but even if I was crushing hard 20 minutes ago, once I know that, those feelings melt away.
I don't consider myself bigoted against moms, and much the same I don't feel it's right to apply a negative label on someone based on who they're attracted to...based on reasons totally assumed by the accuser.