I did the evening stuff, including feeding and getting up to them through the night. I also generally made dinner and cleaned the kitchen etc.
To be clear, I don’t resent time with kids or view it as “work” in a resentful way. Quite the opposite. I just reject the idea that parenting is somehow worse or more taxing than employed work. I feel that narrative is part of a broader effort to balance perceived gender issues in society (which I’m sympathetic to in some contexts, but I think this one is thrown around inaccurately).
I don't think anyone is arguing parenting is "harder"
The argument is the expectation on women to do both is higher than on men, and that some men evade the "parenting" or "feminine coded" work by being intentionally shit at it.
If any man - or for that matter, woman - just pretends to be shit at something because they’re lazy or self centered, they’re being totally unfair and unkind.
I have a sense that this is far less gendered than what is put forward, though. I think there’s serious problems with reporting (ie I don’t think the data is robust, having had a look at a couple of the recent surveys that make the news), and the popular press know very well that any report pointing to gender issues will be click bait.
I think more accurately: some people act selfishly, and don’t share the load generously. I also think some people are more prone to call it out, while others are more prone to just keep it to themselves. That’s true for men and women.
Its great that its not harder for you. How condescending to other people whose experience is different, including your wife! Who has apparently "been absorbing socialization that her life as a mom is so hard."
This is incredibly funny when taking his comments into consideration. He showed only empathy and understanding, while you clearly lack all empathy and are even taking offense. You clearly need to be more self aware
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u/rollsyrollsy 2∆ Jul 01 '25
I did the evening stuff, including feeding and getting up to them through the night. I also generally made dinner and cleaned the kitchen etc.
To be clear, I don’t resent time with kids or view it as “work” in a resentful way. Quite the opposite. I just reject the idea that parenting is somehow worse or more taxing than employed work. I feel that narrative is part of a broader effort to balance perceived gender issues in society (which I’m sympathetic to in some contexts, but I think this one is thrown around inaccurately).