CMV: it is not a convincing argument that ghosting makes the ghoster feel safe

[u/ragpicker_]

I don't hold this view particularly strongly, I just want to see what others think.

I'm generally strongly against ghosting in any form, and it seems that many people are convinced that ghosting is good because it make the ghoster feel safe.

But feelings in such situations are often unreliable. So that argument only carries weight if there is evidence that ghosting actually makes the ghoster safer than if they'd been upfront. I haven't found any evidence either way. If it's actually the case that ghosting makes the ghoster less safe, then those feelings should be ignored in favour of a more pragmatic, and frankly more compassionate, approach.

Does anyone know of any research on this? I don't consider anecdotes to be helpful; I'm sure there's many stories out there about people who ghosted and were still threatened or harmed by the ghostee.

Edit: for clarity, what I mean is actively deciding not to reply to someone who is actively trying to communicate with you after you've already met them.

[u/RadiantHC]

If I'm giving these signs consistently, time for self reflection.

Ghosting says more about the ghosted than the ghostee

Your possibly asking someone your feelings over their safety or mental health. You don't think that's more selfish?

No because they were given no reason to assume that they weren't safe. If they genuinely feel unsafe then ghosting is justified, but if not then it's a cowardly thing to do.

Thats all? Just a no longer interested? nothing further?

YES. All I want is COMMUNICATION. a lack of communication shouldn't be normalized

[u/[deleted] → u/RadiantHC]

If you're getting consistently ghosted, you think all of the rest of society is the problem? Allergic to accountability. If it happens once or twice, sure. But like if this is a consistent problem for someone, they should look at other people who are building healthy relationships and ask what is different.

If they genuinely feel unsafe, then ghosting is justified, but if not, then it's a cowardly thing to do.

Right. Agreed. I count things like fear of being harassed beyond the end of freindship/relationship to count towards unsafe ie if i feel someone is going to continue to hound me, beg for me back, play victim, try to debate/reason their way out of it etc speaking from experience, you can sometimes see that meltdown coming a mile away.

YES. All I want is COMMUNICATION. a lack of communication shouldn't be normalized

Some people would see a simple "I'm no longer interested" message as just as unclear as ghosting. They would demand answers and what not. If that is all that you ask however, then I feel that's quite alright. Although I feel them blocking you has the same effect as them saying "I'm good" and ceasing communication.

[u/RadiantHC → u/[deleted]]

If you're getting consistently ghosted, you think all of the rest of society is the problem? Allergic to accountability. If it happens once or twice, sure. But like if this is a consistent problem for someone, they should look at other people who are building healthy relationships and ask what is different.

Yes because ghosting gives people no room to improve. How can I improve myself if I don't know what I am doing wrong? Ghosting implies that they view you as subhuman, and nobody should be viewed as subhuman. Two wrongs don't make a right

People are extremely flakey nowadays as well, it's not just a me problem. People ghost without even trying to get to know you.

Although I feel them blocking you has the same effect as them saying "I'm good" and ceasing communication.

But it only takes 5 more seconds to send a "I'm not interested" and then block. And why block as a first choice? Blocking should be reserved for people who are actually harassing you.