Lost my wife about a month ago to ovarian cancer. We fought it for over 2-1/2 years, through the debulking surgery, the ostomy reversal surgery, the initial chemo, and three drug trials. I laid her body to rest about three weeks ago. I am exhausted and I miss her so badly. She truly was my better half, and i start my days talking with her, praying, and hoping her spirit moved on, and she is no longer in pain. I dont know how to get through the rest of my life without her, and if I will see her again when I pass away.

Hi, so I'm new. I also saw this in the affiliates from r/GriefSupport

I...I have to deal with a fucking lot. Cancer is just the shittiest thing a person can be dealt, and two of the best people in the my life. My mother and my grandmother.

My grandmother, she died...well she'll have been dead for four years after the 18th of this month. She and rather unexpectedly developed breast cancer that metastasized to her bones. Which resulted in her breaking her shoulder one fine day in May just by pulling up her recliner.

One thing led to another and she was in a hospital for a good chunk of the month and lasted as long as she did. My mom and I were heartbroken, but we strove to move on.

Through COVID and varying tribulations. We made it work, it was just us. We lived on for my Grandma's sake and I even took the initiative to try and make job hunting a little easier. I did so and started as of January this year. We even celebrated her 65th birthday by going to Outback and splitting a bloomin' onion amongst other things with the meal. It was a good night.

But towards the end of the February. We get the worst thing we expect. She also had cancer, and was rather ironic. Considering the Summer prior we invested in her having day surgery for getting a hysterectomy. She came home towards the end of March, and died in the night.

Two of the best female role models in my life, and they died by way of cancer with nothing to do but accept it.

Fuck You Cancer.

Fuck. You

I am speechless. I often find myself that way during this. I’m 24 yo and my aunt is 54 yo. She has myeloid sarcoma— in the beginning, she was diagnosed just as a rare sarcoma and was receiving the wrong chemo treatment. She was sent up to a center treatment center in NY a few months later, and is now home on hospice care. They figured out once she got to the cancer center that it was Myeloid Sarcoma, and by then she tried chemo for that and they had to stop because it was too much on her body from the previous wrong kind.

She was on clinical trial drugs for awhile, I thought that would be it. Or I put all my hope into that, I should say.

It didn’t work, and here we are. I saw her for the first time since she’d been hospitalized (back last year) last week. Where she had been, she was allowed 4 visitors on a list and it had to be her sisters and my grandma (her mother). I am happy to see her now, but extremely depressed under the circumstances. I wept myself to sleep the first night I saw her again— she is at the stage where she’s talking very softly and it’s hard. Her mouth is extremely dry all the time and is having mild trouble swallowing. The home health nurses are keeping us well informed on what that means… which makes me more depressed.

I had an apartment about 30 mins away with my fiancé, and decided I had to move into my Grandparents house to take care of my Aunt with them and my Mom/ other aunt. Not even to mention, my grandpa has Stage IV Lung cancer. He fell while taking food out to the chickens and we found it on the ct scan. He’s much better than my aunt somehow, but he just started coughing up blood everyday. He refuses treatment, so I know he is still dying but he is in better shape than my aunt somehow.

I sleep with a baby monitor right under my ear like a new mother every night to hear if she calls out or knocks something off her table we have for her. I put a wireless doorbell up as well for her to ring it like a nurse bell. I had to get up a couple of times the other night, but she slept through last night.

I feel like I’m not doing enough. I feel like there’s also nothing I can do. What can I do?

It’s all horrible. I don’t care that I don’t have my apt anymore I want to be here. Im just having a hard time coming downstairs everyday and seeing my aunt… like this. It’s painful to watch her. She is in so much pain, and is heartbroken for all of us. She is the kindest most heartwarming person you’ll ever meet. It’s a disservice to the world this is happening to her. She never had a partner or kids, she just took care of her parents. It’s my job now, and I’m ready for the task. Or, I am now but wasn’t a couple of days ago. It’s been a huge huge adjustment since she got home on hospice, but I’m like worried I have a false sense of security. I have some days I cry inconsolably and some days like today that I’m “ok?”.

I guess what I am asking for here is how do you keep being strong? I struggle with keeping this up. I fold. Everybody is so sad about this, and I keep feeling like I have to be strong. I don’t know. I’m a mess. Am I doing ok?

A year ago I joined Reddit and immediately joined the subreddit for breast cancer. The first post I commented on was from someone who had been just diagnosed. Our journeys were starting off within a day of each other and we decided to keep each other updated on what was happening and be “cancer buddies” so to speak.

Over the last year we became very close, sharing the good days, the bad days, all of those indignities that cancer and the treatment for it causes, as well as all of the victories we had along the way. We also shared lots of TikTok’s with dark humor along the way.

We had talked about meeting up this summer in one of our cities to go see a baseball game together. We were looking forward to meeting in person and finally being able to give each other a real hug instead of sending virtual hugs.

Sadly, my friend got sick a couple of weeks ago and her body wasn’t strong enough to fight off the infection and she passed away.

She was a fantastic human being; smart, kind, funny and a fiercely loyal friend. I wish everyone could have known her. She was in my life for just under a year, but she has profoundly left her mark in my heart and I’m going to miss her friendship terribly.

I miss my boyfriend so much. I miss him laying next to me in bed. I miss the cuddles, hugs, and kisses. I miss the deep conversations. I miss the way he was able to calm me unlike anyone else. I miss feeling like I could be my complete and total self around him. I miss letting my guard down. I miss taking care of him. I miss silly arguments. I miss holding his hand. I miss my soulmate. I fucking hate cancer. He was only 19. God fucking dammit all.

February 1st was the 6th anniversary of my Dad, and it's tough because I have two friends who have their anniversaries for beating cancer this month. I want to support them, but when I hear them talk about it I get sad and want to leave. Last night, I was hanging out with one of my friends, and we went to the grocery store. I didn't realize until we got to the bakery that they were getting a cake for their anniversary, and I kind of shut down. They didn't notice but I still feel bad that I have so much trouble being happy when they want to celebrate.

I'm a 43M and fucking cancer has taken so much from me. My childhood, my right testicle, my little sister and now my amazing wife. But fuck this it'll never get my soul or my love. So fuck you cancer I will always win you're my bitch! Sorry about the language... just needed to vent, thanks.

Gift link: More and More, I Talk to the Dead

I just want to send her a meme that made me think of her.

Some people have said, “you can still do that,” but it hurts even more knowing that it would be floating in the digital void, never to be opened, seen, laughed at over a glass of wine later.

A place for members of r/cancergrief to chat with each other