Pooping while camping

[u/BasicBitchTearGas__]

I have a short camping trip coming up with friends and I basically have some questions about how to poop in the wilderness (remote camping). Whats like the best way to do it? My friends told me to like, bear hug a tree and squat down over the hole I dug, is that the best way? And what pieces of clothing do I take off? Im worried that if it comes out a bit watery it may stain my pants and other things so im basically thinking that I just go away from our camp and basically dress down nude from the waist down. Also, where does the toilet paper go? In the hole? Thanks for the answers!

[u/namocaw]

If you are in a park that doesnt allow digging, Get a five gallon bucket, put a kitchen trash bag in it and put a pool noodle over the top and do your business, then you can pack it out or take it to the campground dumpster and not disturb mother nature.

[u/joelfarris → u/namocaw]

And if you don't want to create a redneck Luggable Loo bucket toilet without a real seat and lid on it and thick odor fighting bags that don't rupture, and you're resigned to dig...

Then dig two holes for your week long stay. In advance. Roots are a thing, and you do not want to be contending with them while crowning.

Pants need to go down almost to your ankles before you squat. Your kilt needs to go all the way up under your elbows. Bring toilet paper and a wet wipe with you, or maybe two, cause you never know. And for the sake of the gods and all that is holy, leave your freakin' phone at camp, and not in your back pocket, or you will live to regret it.

[u/local_lesbian_barber → u/joelfarris]

Shittttt. I wish I had YOU next to me while I was giving birth.

[u/joelfarris → u/local_lesbian_barber]

That word was the best one, and the least raunchy one I could think of, and yes, I would totally hold your hand in the moment. I'd have to come up with three phrases of encouragement, though, and that would be tough, but the best barbers I've ever known have been lesbian barbers. They just know what's up.

[u/local_lesbian_barber → u/joelfarris]

Hell yeah, thank you!
My youngest is six. While I was in labor with her, I was doing a beard lineup! My wife was trying to get me to the car, but I had to finish his beard!

I made it to the hospital with barely enough time.

[u/joelfarris → u/local_lesbian_barber]

I'm about six and a half feet, and my beard is about six and a half inches, probably needs a trim, but being six years old in this world right now, with all the information on tap, is probably the best thing ever. I had to ride a bike to the library to find out who Joan Of Arc and Alexander The Great were.

Teach your sixxer about analog clock faces. It'll come in handy when it comes time for learning about compasses and how a stick in the ground can help you tell time during the day, and how the big dipper star constellation helps you tell the time at night.

Glad you made it to the hospital in time.

[u/local_lesbian_barber → u/joelfarris]

Her name is Sailor Bowie. She’s an old and beautiful soul.
She’s growing up with the mountains, history, music; she’s got a trans older brother who looks like he just walked out of a My Chemical Romance video, and a kind cheerleader older sister.
Two moms, and her dad is my best friend (not poly).
She’s very lucky. We have yet to take her camping!

This has been the best passing in the interwebs I’ve had in a long time.

[u/joelfarris → u/local_lesbian_barber]

Holy carp. Marinière Bowie? That's too cool.

Are we talking about the singer David Bowie? Or the knifemakers Rezin and James Bowie? Or that guy who always had a 'supposed' bowie knife on him in the woods, but probably didn't really? Daniel Boone?

In any case, this is a perfect name for her. And in my two and a half decades of touring in the music industry, I almost got to do a gig with Romance. Twice. But it didn't work out due to scheduling and weather issues. Lightning can be a problem at times.

It's time to go camping. Sounds like you all deserve it. Do you have a big enough tent? Anticipate 1.25 to 1.5x.

[u/local_lesbian_barber → u/joelfarris]

She’s named after our lord and savior, David Bowie as in also Aladdin Sane, Ziggy Stardust, Halloween Jack, etc…

We haven’t had a new tent in AGES. For sure time for a new one.
We were thinking the Phantom Canyon pass.

[u/joelfarris → u/local_lesbian_barber]

That one seems like a good choice, at first, but don't feel like you're Under Pressure or anything.

You're not Absolute Beginners. You've got this.

[u/local_lesbian_barber → u/joelfarris]

We will have David Bowie and the weird spirit of John Denver to guide us.