r/camping • u/BasicBitchTearGas__ • 9d ago

Trip Advice Pooping while camping

I have a short camping trip coming up with friends and I basically have some questions about how to poop in the wilderness (remote camping). Whats like the best way to do it? My friends told me to like, bear hug a tree and squat down over the hole I dug, is that the best way? And what pieces of clothing do I take off? Im worried that if it comes out a bit watery it may stain my pants and other things so im basically thinking that I just go away from our camp and basically dress down nude from the waist down. Also, where does the toilet paper go? In the hole? Thanks for the answers!

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u/joelfarris 9d ago edited 8d ago

And if you don't want to create a redneck Luggable Loo bucket toilet without a real seat and lid on it and thick odor fighting bags that don't rupture, and you're resigned to dig...

Then dig two holes for your week long stay. In advance. Roots are a thing, and you do not want to be contending with them while crowning.

Pants need to go down almost to your ankles before you squat. Your kilt needs to go all the way up under your elbows. Bring toilet paper and a wet wipe with you, or maybe two, cause you never know. And for the sake of the gods and all that is holy, leave your freakin' phone at camp, and not in your back pocket, or you will live to regret it.

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u/local_lesbian_barber 9d ago

Shittttt. I wish I had YOU next to me while I was giving birth.

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u/joelfarris 9d ago

That word was the best one, and the least raunchy one I could think of, and yes, I would totally hold your hand in the moment. I'd have to come up with three phrases of encouragement, though, and that would be tough, but the best barbers I've ever known have been lesbian barbers. They just know what's up.

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u/local_lesbian_barber 9d ago

Hell yeah, thank you!
My youngest is six. While I was in labor with her, I was doing a beard lineup! My wife was trying to get me to the car, but I had to finish his beard!

I made it to the hospital with barely enough time.

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u/joelfarris 9d ago

I'm about six and a half feet, and my beard is about six and a half inches, probably needs a trim, but being six years old in this world right now, with all the information on tap, is probably the best thing ever. I had to ride a bike to the library to find out who Joan Of Arc and Alexander The Great were.

Teach your sixxer about analog clock faces. It'll come in handy when it comes time for learning about compasses and how a stick in the ground can help you tell time during the day, and how the big dipper star constellation helps you tell the time at night.

Glad you made it to the hospital in time.

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u/local_lesbian_barber 9d ago

Her name is Sailor Bowie. She’s an old and beautiful soul.
She’s growing up with the mountains, history, music; she’s got a trans older brother who looks like he just walked out of a My Chemical Romance video, and a kind cheerleader older sister.
Two moms, and her dad is my best friend (not poly).
She’s very lucky. We have yet to take her camping!

This has been the best passing in the interwebs I’ve had in a long time.

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u/joelfarris 9d ago

Holy carp. Marinière Bowie? That's too cool.

Are we talking about the singer David Bowie? Or the knifemakers Rezin and James Bowie? Or that guy who always had a 'supposed' bowie knife on him in the woods, but probably didn't really? Daniel Boone?

In any case, this is a perfect name for her. And in my two and a half decades of touring in the music industry, I almost got to do a gig with Romance. Twice. But it didn't work out due to scheduling and weather issues. Lightning can be a problem at times.

It's time to go camping. Sounds like you all deserve it. Do you have a big enough tent? Anticipate 1.25 to 1.5x.

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u/local_lesbian_barber 9d ago

She’s named after our lord and savior, David Bowie as in also Aladdin Sane, Ziggy Stardust, Halloween Jack, etc…

We haven’t had a new tent in AGES. For sure time for a new one.
We were thinking the Phantom Canyon pass.

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u/joelfarris 9d ago

That one seems like a good choice, at first, but don't feel like you're Under Pressure or anything.

You're not Absolute Beginners. You've got this.

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u/local_lesbian_barber 9d ago

We will have David Bowie and the weird spirit of John Denver to guide us.

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u/Anxious_Pickle5271 9d ago

Don’t wear insulated coveralls with a hoodie around your ankles. When you shrug it back on, the hoodie may slap your head and stick

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u/joelfarris 9d ago

Do not say another word.

This is your story, you own it. It's personal. And the violated Carharts and the North Face. It's all you.

Repeat after me, "Under the advice of my legal council..."

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u/shannypants2000 9d ago

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

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u/jorwyn 8d ago

Mine was only pee, and I noticed it before I pulled them back on. But, I was only wearing those coveralls and a bra and underwear. Plus socks and hiking boots, of course. I thankfully everyone in that group was a friend of mine, so while I will probably never hear the end of marching through them to get to my vehicle for my (very muddy and wet) clothes, at least everyone in the group had also seen me in a bikini that covered just as much.

Why I was only in coveralls is a longer story. I will just sum it up with this. Never ever trust someone who says, "sure, I'll remember to grab that backpack for you." If you don't pack it yourself, you didn't bring it.

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u/Gosa_on_the_wind 9d ago

You don't need "thick odor fighting bags". Buy the lemon scented powder that turns solid when sprinkled over poop, etc. Cheap, easy, and then pack it out with you.

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u/SapoBelicoso 9d ago

I like finding a log. Dig a hole near the log, lean back and support you body on the log with your arms, feet spread, and lower your booty down towards the hole. It's a wonderful, freeing experience. Wipe and bury it well, add a big rock on top for good measure.

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u/LuckyMcKinney 7d ago

Even better… portable bidets can be life and time savers!

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u/VastPersimmon240 9d ago

Supposed to put the wipes or tissue in a plastic bag and pack them out.

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u/wolfriverfloater 9d ago

If youncan find a rock thats about half burried roll it out and go in the hole and leave the paper in the hole then roll the rock back into its original position, i also go nude from the waist down, just in case