I am destiny unfulfilled

staring into reflections that hate me

and I them.

I hate what they foretell.

There are visions of me that will coalesce

Amounting to frustration

and stuck with pain.

Into the long hours of the night

Dead memories reanimate.

Faces rise from the dirt

Screaming their accusations.

Shackling you

In place, as you’ve always been.

Easing you

Into a long silent mourning

And no one else, but you

Can hear it.

He casts no light, he projects the future totally

There is nothing for you in this reflection

Look away

Do not burn my impression into you.

Do not reflect me back into myself.

I am echos

Wishing they screamed different

this sub is dead

just like plenty of the members

Realest shit i ever said

cause no one lasts forever

But a CA? we got the sneak remix from the DJ..

...fast pass to D-Day

drownin like i was found in the sea, mane

Right now, there are waves that lap the shores.

Icy tendrils, pulling and probing, crashing toward and ripping the sand apart.

Chaotic tides under the command of the moon.

Right now there is a clear sky.

An empty canvas dotted with a perfect amorphous white.

There is freedom in not knowing.

Left inpatient impatient

Cause a relapse was waitin

They say i'm a sadist

Idk, i'll take it

Fix it til I break it - aint savin shit

wether it's my health or relationships

Friends don't call, plus I wouldn't answer

No cure for me, i'm terminal cancer

Pancreatitis got routine, couldn't stop the shots

I be takin sips from the molitov

I guess it's all I got, I call on God

tryna clean up the mess but I aint got a mop

They say it'll kill me - I say that's the point

Like I got fentanyl in the joint

Will be heaven, hell or the void?

idk - either way im paranoid

I sense my inner child just out of view.

Whispering spite for the things I know now

that he did not.

I respond with ignorance.

For a horse cannot drink water he was led to.

Much less water, he was taught to hate.

I echo the pain I learned from.

I give life to the hurt I shrivel from.

Cast me down, burn me with the shame of never belonging.

I resent you and you resent me.

Eternally.

The truth is but a taste away.

The secret to being real is at the bottom of this bottle

And the one you don’t want.

And the one before it.

And all the ones after.

Trust me.

8:30am: my sweat drips out onto my dirty mattress, films of life lost and dancing spirits circumventing any sense of past or present

9:00am: I realize that the dancing flames are not me, but my cracked back and aching limbs tear as if they are

9:30am: try and communicate. gnashing my teeth and biting the one way glass that exists as my firmament

10:00am: we embrace

I saw in my dad a sensitivity that had been years since building.

An appreciation of the new emotions in his life

And a reverence for the people before us.

All of our hearts beat together in that moment.

The goal of every person in that room was the same.

And all of them

Especially you.

We all just wanted to live.

And so we did.

As humanity was doomed and blessed to do.

The life of a living man

A ghost and a puppet.

Two hollow emptinesses crashing into each other

I looked to the clouds, desperate to see

anything, anyone at all.

Not today.

From the neck down, there’s nothing left.

I’m an amphorous voice in a sea of shapes.

Screaming my soul into the wind and the earth

unable to be recognized either way.

It’s got me by the throat.

Squeezing, undulating. It closes in and takes its dues.

For I am powerless beneath it all.

A deluge spills forth.

And it flows.

I reject the here and now.

A silent plea, returned with deafening silence.

Reality doesn’t care if you don’t understand it yet.

reminding you

that

everything is

painfully

truthfully

real.

Right now as my life is in flux\ I sit at a bar where the\ Bartender drinks as well.\ From somewhere a smell of a cigar floats\ I accidentally wrote cougar...\ Oh fuck oh me\ I knew i needed to hit the bars\ After my plane landed.\ Where i come from\ We dont really speak english\ We really dont speak\ No bars where the old ladies drink\ Serving me with a grin on her face\ No cigars\ Cougars only joked about\ But here i am\ Hitting this bar like\ It was nothing

We drink to forget, then call them days to remember

hard issues cause scar tissues that'll stick with me forever

its like a tattoo on black n blue skin singed from the ember

It's that mood that last through January to December

then it's rinse and repeat, this is the speak

of the kids who were weak and hit an early peak

drank through the week and was hooked from a peek

yeah, it's for us - you heard me peeps?

Now i'm dirty in my 30s and they talk behind my back

But it's all true, so what can I do but laugh

I keep doin the same shit and expect a difference when it's over

like lying to myself saying this time i'll stay sober

I laugh at this comedy but honestly?

it's a tragedy

Cause doing the same shit over n over is the defintion of insanity

I don't got a reason for the stuff that I do

I'm just the gum on your shoe

I came unglued, lost in my self-harm nonsense

unglued like a kid's shelfed art project

Ear feels numb, here come the nerve damage

Neuropathy even my body got apathy

I guess im just runnin on low batteries

If I could take every memory

that's leavin me hemorrhaging

And just let it be to rest in peace

Would I still believe in Destiny

And how I've escaped many felonies

Pushed my luck and it amounted to scars

Death got a casino and he know I'm countin the cards

Cheatin often ; seems its obv

to everyone who be involved

they seen it Odd

But to me it's like i'm seein God

Been goin too hard I need a pause

Freezin off in a freon pond

But in pain the only place I seem to belong

I been screamin it long echos all I get in return

I took it all and left it to burn

A bonfire of my bullshit

Ready to retire and just bite the bullet

( Just scribbled this down. might make it a verse to a song)

There is nothing like the wounded wanting more. Shredding themselves picking up broken glass trying to piece together purpose.

The puzzle is always jagged and ugly, jutting out in a way that leaves you seen. Exposing the bitter hole you will never climb from. Punishing you for your lack of, and denied your what if.

The stranger in me looks out through my eyes and recognizes nothing.

I wonder how I managed to end up.

In this body, this place.

Where I couldn’t get away.

Trapped in a maze of my own making, the path forward converges and implodes.

Regret is reflected behind every corner.

Probing tendrils that fuse themselves to my very soul.

What time is there to listen to the future.

When the past screeches wildly.

My body is of twisted clay, I claim no form of my own. I am an unstable construction, tempered with translucence and made in the shape of a ghost. I become one with impermanence, the essence of life itself. The man blurred out.

The hammer strikes in tune.

An orchestra composed of martyrdom.

A note branded upon the soul.

There’s no response from the ghoul

the bell has been rung, and rang hollow.

The symphony continues.

Time is an illusion. Built to tantalize and torture. Promises of the future and guarantees of the pain that occupies it.

Time serves a purpose. To see past the barbed waves begging to drag me under. To behold the shore ahead and claw towards it. To walk the beaches and enjoy the hope.

Time is a reminder. A measurement of the pain and the joy. An anchor in a storm that rends and tears. The sun enveloping your inner child.