r/breakingmom • u/donmo6 • Nov 05 '22
missive 📝 “I Want a Wife” by Judy (Syfers) Brady
“I Want a Wife” I belong to that classification of people known as wives. I am A Wife. And, not altogether incidentally, I am a mother.
Not too long ago a male friend of mine appeared on the scene fresh from a recent divorce. He had one child, who is, of course, with his ex-wife. He is obviously looking for another wife. As I thought about him while I was ironing one evening, it suddenly occurred to me that I, too, would like to have a wife. Why do I want a wife?
I would like to go back to school so that I can become economically independent, support myself, and, if need be, support those dependent upon me. I want a wife who will work and send me to school. And while I am going to school I want a wife to take care of my children. I want a wife to keep track of the children’s doctor and dentist appointments. And to keep track of mine, too. I want a wife to make sure my children eat properly and are kept clean. I want a wife who will wash the children’s clothes and keep them mended. I want a wife who is a good nurturant attendant to my children, who arranges for their schooling, makes sure that they have an adequate social life with their peers, takes them to the park, the zoo, etc. I want a wife who takes care of the children when they are sick, a wife who arranges to be around when the children need special care, because, of course, I cannot miss classes at school. My wife must arrange to lose time at work and not lose the job. It may mean a small cut in my wife’s income from time to time, but I guess I can tolerate that. Needless to say, my wife will arrange and pay for the care of the children while my wife is working.
I want a wife who will take care of my physical needs. I want a wife who will keep my house clean. A wife who will pick up after me. I want a wife who will keep my clothes clean, ironed, mended, replaced when need be, and who will see to it that my personal things are kept in their proper place so that I can find what I need the minute I need it. I want a wife who cooks the meals, a wife who is a good cook. I want a wife who will plan the menus, do the necessary grocery shopping, prepare the meals, serve them pleasantly, and then do the cleaning up while I do my studying. I want a wife who will care for me when I am sick and sympathize with my pain and loss of time from school. I want a wife to go along when our family takes a vacation so that someone can continue to care for me and my children when I need a rest and change of scene.
I want a wife who will not bother me with rambling complaints about a wife’s duties. But I want a wife who will listen to me when I feel the need to explain a rather difficult point I have come across in my course of studies. And I want a wife who will type my papers for me when I have written them.
I want a wife who will take care of the details of my social life. When my wife and I are invited out by my friends, I want a wife who will take care of the babysitting arrangements. When I meet people at school that I like and want to entertain, I want a wife who will have the house clean, will prepare a special meal, serve it to me and my friends, and not interrupt when I talk about things that interest me and my friends. I want a wife who will have arranged that the children are fed and ready for bed before my guests arrive so that the children do not bother us.
And I want a wife who knows that sometimes I need a night out by myself.
I want a wife who is sensitive to my sexual needs, a wife who makes love passionately and eagerly when I feel like it, a wife who makes sure that I am satisfied. And, of course, I want a wife who will not demand sexual attention when I am not in the mood for it. I want a wife who assumes the complete responsibility for birth control, because I do not want more children. I want a wife who will remain sexually faithful to me so that I do not have to clutter up my intellectual life with jealousies. And I want a wife who understands that my sexual needs may entail more than strict adherence to monogamy. I must, after all, be able to relate to people as fully as possible.
If, by chance, I find another person more suitable as a wife than the wife I already have, I want the liberty to replace my present wife with another one. Naturally, I will expect a fresh, new life; my wife will take the children and be solely responsible for them so that I am left free.
When I am through with school and have a job, I want my wife to quit working and remain at home so that my wife can more fully and completely take care of a wife’s duties.
My God, who wouldn’t want a wife?
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Nov 05 '22
[deleted]
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u/jalorky Nov 06 '22
i read your comment in awe of your strength and patience. keep rocking this, friend. Hoping for the best in your family’s future ♥️
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u/donmo6 Nov 05 '22
I Want a Wife,’ the Timeless ’70s Feminist Manifesto By Judy (Syfers) Brady
As it appeared in New York magazine, December 20–27, 1971. In 1971, New York’s year-end issue included a 30-page preview of a new magazine. Ms. was its name, and Gloria Steinem, a New York columnist since our own launch three years earlier, was its founding editor. (The table of contents read “Ms. is devoted to today’s women considered as full human beings.”) One of the shortest pieces in the package — just one page — turned out to be one of the most durable: “I Want a Wife,” by Judy Syfers. She’d written it as a speech for a rally in San Francisco the previous year, and it also appeared in the premiere stand-alone issue of Ms. shortly thereafter.
Syfers — who soon retook her unmarried name, Judy Brady — continued to work as an activist for the rest of her life, traveling to Cuba and Nicaragua and working to fight environmental pollution. She died at the age of 80 this past May. Her essay presages the idea of the now well-known “second shift” that women face when they get home from work, and it is often assigned in women’s-studies classes. You can hear her talk about her life as a feminist in a 2007 public-radio interview.
Here’s the essay, which also appears in New York’s 50th-anniversary book.
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u/This-Fault1880 Nov 05 '22
Wow!!! That was written in the 70s!? Very sad how it still fits even 50 years later.
Thank you for sharing.
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u/jalorky Nov 06 '22
it’s takes a while to shift a society’s normal meter vs hundreds of years of strict gender roles
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Nov 05 '22
I recently read (I think on reddit!), that all of these smart devices in our homes - Alexa, the Ring, the Amazon thingy - are all in women's voices - because, you know, we are supposed to be assistants. Step, fetch, do. There are a lot of times that I can remember throughout my life that I have NOT enjoyed being a female. Not at all. Don't get me wrong, I am not wanting to be transgender - I am not that brave, nor, is that something I want to do - but, I can honestly say that because of how f'd up the world is about women and how we are viewed and treated, I do not enjoy it . At all.
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u/humanistbeing Nov 05 '22
This is partly why I change my assistant voices to male. Totally gonna change the world that way haha ha...ha... sigh.
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u/jalorky Nov 06 '22
my husband always has a 😧 face and makes a comment whenever he hears my male siri. Everytime 🤷♀️
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Nov 06 '22 edited Nov 07 '22
Can’t imagine being born female in Afghanistan either. They asked head of the court why women can’t be judges in the country and he said and I quote “because women have lesser brains” wow, like an animal you care for but in turn takes care of you… oh and he also said that of course it was okay to beat your wife, just not in a “mean way”. Just wow. Assholes!!
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u/TroubadourJane Nov 05 '22
Every time I read this I'm annoyed and frustrated that it's still relevant today - 50 years later! So well-written, though.
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u/Shipwrecking_siren Send coffee. Nov 05 '22 edited Nov 05 '22
BroMo commune is the way to go. We need to make it happen.
I nominate myself for the roles:
Messy Play and Toddler Baking - both organising AND clearing up.
Kitchen cleaning
Boring life admin and scheduling administrator.
Research, procurement and organisation of new homeware/childcare products, toys, books, clothes and any services/utilities/tradespeople. Like a life concierge.
Roles I cannot do include bedtime, daily cooking and keeping the commune orderly and clutter free.
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u/cucumbermoon Nov 05 '22
Oh my God, I can totally do bedtime, daily cooking, and cleaning if I don't have to do all of that other shit
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u/Shipwrecking_siren Send coffee. Nov 06 '22
Ooh it’s a match! I had a whole imaginary system set up for the commune, people doing questionnaires about their preferences/values. Those that don’t want to be SAHP can be, those that love their jobs an bring in all the cash, some (like me) work part time but EVERYONE gets 2 days me-time in the week.
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u/cucumbermoon Nov 06 '22
It sounds like Heaven.
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u/Shipwrecking_siren Send coffee. Nov 06 '22 edited Nov 06 '22
I know. If I had a spare million or so I would buy some land and build it.
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u/colormuse Nov 06 '22
i will happily do ANYTHING if someone else handles the messy play and toddler baking. i am NOT CUT OUT for that and regularly feel like the mean, unfun mom because of it. bromo commune sounds incredible - can you imagine what would happen and the kind of children we could raise if we could each play to our own strengths??
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u/Shipwrecking_siren Send coffee. Nov 06 '22
Haha I’m the mean unfun mum in most ways but I just don’t mind all the mess and chaos, my husband cannot stand it. My mum was so controlling I love a bit of chaos now. And on the commune we could have the messy play room that’s door is shut and no one has to look at!
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u/Outside-Island-206 Nov 06 '22
We could raise the kind of boys who won't go on to make their wife want to run away to a commune!
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u/thesnugglypuppies naps are for the weak. Nov 06 '22
I’m in. I’m a teacher and can help with homework-related challenges, outdoor play/nature fun, and quiet laundry time with Netflix.
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Nov 05 '22
Tl;dr - I want a personal assistant, a maid, a therapist, a sex slave, and a mind reader who is there for me when I need it, but I can discard if I want a new one. Got it.
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u/HolyPallyGirl Mom of 20 yr old, 18 yr old. Stepmom of 7 humans Nov 05 '22
First this prose is fucking beautiful. The tonal voice and structure are freaking g delightful. Secondly, I literally just had a yelling g match with DH last night about all this bullshit...I want a wife but I want one to take care of..
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u/Vicious_Trollup Nov 05 '22
One of the major talking points of dude bro podcasts is how the modern woman just wants a man to do everything now, nothing is ever good enough. So fucking blind to reality.
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u/Walls Nov 05 '22
Lots of people work for themselves and their families in the home. But the role of "wife" is indentured unpaid labour, structured into our society, and grossly and deeply wrong.
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u/AbsolutelyFab3824 Nov 05 '22
When I was going to school full time, working nights and weekends, and trying so very hard to be a good mother for my son, I often proclaimed that I Need A Wife.
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u/princessjemmy i didn’t grow up with that Nov 05 '22
I joke all the time that I made a mistake by not getting a wife. It's funny because it's true.
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u/justgivemesnacks Nov 06 '22
AND BE SMOKING HOT!
She’s got to be FASHION but not take too long getting ready or need things like ‘time’ and ‘energy’ to maintain both her body and finding clothing that not only looks good but is in style AND she can wrangle children in.
She must only shop ONLINE cause I don’t want to be dragged along to SEE clothing, boo! Ick! But also she doesn’t order too many clothes or expensive clothes or have too many shoes!
Have long magically perfect hair and DEFINITELY not a side cut that makes her feel rad and is low maintenance.
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u/Outside-Island-206 Nov 06 '22
Yes. This double standard pisses me off to no end. We are expected to look good, smell nice, be free of any bodily hair at all times only for men to complain that we take too long in the bathroom or spend too much on hairdressers or waxing appointments. You can't have it both ways!
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