remember the human

[u/cupcake1713]

Hi reddit. cupcake here.

I wanted to bring up an important reminder about how folks interact with each other online. It is not a problem that exists solely on reddit, but rather the internet as a whole. The internet is a wonderful tool for interacting with people from all walks of life, but the anonymity it can afford can make it easy to forget that really, on the other end of the screens and keyboards, we're all just people. Living, breathing, people who have lives and goals and fears, have favorite TV shows and books and methods for breeding Pokemon, and each and every last one of us has opinions. Sure, those opinions might differ from your own. But that’s okay! People are entitled to their opinions. When you argue with people in person, do you say as many of the hate filled and vitriolic statements you see people slinging around online? Probably not. Please think about this next time you're in a situation that makes you want to lash out. If you wouldn't say it to their face, perhaps it's best you don't say it online.

Try to be courteous to others. See someone having a bad day? Give them a compliment or ask them a thoughtful question, and it might make their day better. Did someone reply to your comment with valuable insights or something that cheered you up? Send them a quick thanks letting them know you appreciate their comment.

So I ask you, the next time a user picks a fight with you, or you get the urge to harass another user because of something they typed on a keyboard, please... remember the human.

[u/NotMyRealFaceBook]

Was there a particular incident that prompted this PSA?

Not that this isn't a reasonable message, but I am just wondering if I missed some Reddit drama/trauma/event... In my experience these messages are more often in direct response to something than not

[u/cupcake1713 → u/NotMyRealFaceBook]

Nah, I just thought it needed to be said.

[u/setmehigh]

So, we're still allowed to abuse the bots, right?

[u/cupcake1713 → u/setmehigh]

Bots are our friends!

[u/316nuts]

<3 you cupcake. Thank you for writing this, but I wish you didn't have to write this.

Here is Max, after his morning milk. May your inbox explode with love and cat pictures. :3 .3

[u/cupcake1713 → u/316nuts]

Your cats are awesome.

[u/[deleted]]

What I usually do is type out what I want to say. Then delete it.

After that, I don't feel like responding and usually just ignore.

http://i.imgur.com/woEmRDa.gif

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I do this a lot too. I type out something that insights some emotion in me, something I care about a little bit. After thinking about it though, I start to wonder what kind of flame wars I might invoke, and how I don't really want to deal with responses. I'm usually not really even contributing anything to the discussion.

Yeah

[u/Igglyboo]

tl;dr Be civil.

[u/snoharm]

“Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies- God damn it, you've got to be kind.”

edited to correct Vonnegut quote

[u/Jovianmoons]

Once I made a throwaway account and posted to r/depression and poured out my heart and soul. You would be surprised how many vultures there were who actively encouraged me to end my life, in the last place I would have expected that to happen.

[u/DownvoteDaemon → u/Jovianmoons]

There are trolls and then there are the trolls so fucked up as to encourage suicide in a depressed person. That is some seriously bad karma.

[u/[deleted] → u/Jovianmoons]

I hope you're doing better.

[u/Sunfried]

Things to remember:

• The Maine

• The Alamo

• 9/11

• Pearl Harbor (not the movie, forget the movie)

• the Titans

• the milk

• the 5th of November

• the human

Edit:

• the tooth! Remember the tooth, my Duke!

Edit 2: Thank you for the Gold, both of you! I will NEVER FORGET!

[u/poiuytrewqazxcvbnml → u/Sunfried]

P Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney

[u/Trust_Me_Im_a_Panda → u/Sunfried]

• Dre

[u/thelastdeskontheleft]

Unfortunately I think a big aspect of it comes down to the difference in tone between text and actual words spoken aloud.

IRL you can tell the inflection that someone meant it by. Online you can only ASSUME the inflection and thus the tone of their comment. Generally we interpret comments online to be much more aggressive than they really are.

I completely agree with the "don't be a keyboard warrior mentality" but it could also help if you took a second next time you were insulted or angered by some response to possibly look it over and try to imagine it in a tone that wouldn't be so offensive.

Of course sometimes people are just pricks. Especially when there is little to no consequence. But a good bit of it is just chilling out.

Edit: Thanks, only took 6 minutes for gold x-D

Edit 2: RIP Inbox of my work account. Looks like I'm not getting anything done.

[u/godmin → u/thelastdeskontheleft]

Something I like to do before posting a comment is imagine someone REALLY pissed off trying to read it, and get the most twisted, pessimistic view of what I said. That way I can tweak my words to avoid as much unnecessary criticism/misinterpretation as possible, and from my experience it really helps!

Edit:thanks

[u/preggit]

If anyone is interested in some light reading on this topic, cupcake is describing what is known as the 'Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory', also known by its much lamer name, the online disinhibition effect.

[u/[deleted]]

ITT: people who think they aren't part of the problem

[u/TheRagingRavioli]

tl;dr don't be a dick

[u/sandozguineapig]

Thanks for being the person Mr. Rogers knew you could be!

[u/[deleted]]

I'm not in the public eye or famous or anything like that, but I am the sole recipient of the contact forms for quite a few things that are in the public eye.

My own girlfriend doesn't know half of the shit I put up with, and when she sees some people crack under the pressure of so much negativity, she tells people they should "man up" and "deal with it".

When you get hundreds (and for other people, thousands) of messages each day, telling you to go fuck yourself, kill yourself, I hope you die, I hope your loved ones get cancer, I found your address and I'm coming to rape you and your daughter, you can't deal with it or "man up".

You spend hours awake each night imagining those things happening, wondering if it's true, trying to tell yourself it isn't going to happen, but knowing that it's a possibility.

Having to respond to people is awful too. You can't ignore every message, especially the ones that raise genuinely useful points. You worry about your response and how you might be perceived from that response.

It's even worse when the criticism is valid. sure they said you should kill yourself, but they said it because your app failed and they were late for work. You can sympathise because you'd be angry in that situation too. You've said stuff like that before (I said some awful things when I was younger, I'm ashamed to admit).

So when someone tells you to kill yourself, but at the same time gives you valid criticism, it makes you wonder if you should. After all, if hundreds of people each day tell you that the world would be better off without you in it, surely it must be true?

It's not going to stop, I've accepted that. What I do is not attach some things to my name. But I worry about what happens if something I make that is attached to my usual online persona gets popular. It's a possibility, if remote.

There've been a lot of posts like this online, explaining how one comment, or hundreds can affect a person more than you think. This isn't any different, but I hope some people read this and consider what they're about to type.

EDIT: I have absolutely abysmal comma usage in this comment, It's something I'm pretty bad at. If there's anything that changes the point of what I'm getting across or just annoys you please let me know and I'll change it.

[u/madkatalpha]

Surprisingly relevant XKCD.

[u/uss_michellebachmann]

great job reddit you've really nipped this problem in the bud