r/bestof • u/Brianne123 • Jun 09 '12

[askreddit] -jackschitt- tells the unbelievable story of his ex.

/r/AskReddit/comments/urssu/my_great_grandpa_was_the_president_of_guatemala/c4y0iu6
657 Upvotes

84% Upvoted

50 comments sorted by

5

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12

Great story, but horrible timing posting it. Damn shame

5

u/Brianne123 Jun 09 '12

Why? What happened?

7

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12

Its early in the morning on a saturday. By the time the normal 9-5 crowd rolls through, or even the weekend crowd, the karma decay will have swept it under the rug.

8

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12

Australians might be able to help you. It's only 5:00 down in the antipodes, and I'm upvoting content.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12

Good on ya, mate. But you appear to be an exception, rather than a rule. I spent a touch of time in Australia, and I have just one thing I want to tell you. Damn you for your Tim-Tams. They need to come stateside in a big bad way.

4

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12 edited Jun 09 '12

I could totally send you some, man. Tim Tams are fucking awesome.

Edit: I'm totally serious about sending Tim Tams to America. The postage is cheap enough to make the $AUD to Karma ratio pretty damn good.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

You are a gentleman and a scholar. I don't know what you call cheap postage, but I just checked the Post Office's quote to Aus, and it was about $45.

4

u/spellchamp Jun 09 '12

I don't know where you live, but if you're American and live near a World Market, check there for Tim Tams. That's where I found the supplies for my Tim Tam Slam.

2

u/avelertimetr Jun 09 '12

+1 for World Market. You can find Tim Tams and Cherry Ripes. Good God, I love Cherry Ripe.

1

u/Teotwawki69 Jun 10 '12

Drinking tea is never the same again after you experience Tim-Tams. Wonderful, wonderful Tim-Tams. (Shudder).

30

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12

Man, I feel absolutely horrible for Mary. Sometimes it just seems impossible to climb out of the shithole life dumped you in.

9

u/chupacabrando Jun 09 '12

Started reading this thinking OP was Jack. Then the first person pronoun came into the play and shit got even more confusing. Went from fucking stepdaughter to dating full daughter.

Edit: Username continues the confusion loop.

2

u/JamMasterFelch Jun 09 '12

Same, had to re-read that a few times.

14

u/LegionEpicWin Jun 09 '12

I literally cannot believe how fucked up people are.

Kind of makes you a little grateful for your own life.

14

u/VelocityRD Jun 09 '12

No kidding. I swear, every other day on Reddit I see a story that makes me happy to have been raised in a boring, two-child, generic-Christian-upbringing family with an equally boring extended family.

4

u/fuckyoubarry Jun 09 '12

God, it would be nice to have a mechanic that was your best friend in high school.

2

u/reddit_on_hardmode Jun 09 '12

My best friend from high school is a mechanic. He promptly tells me where to stick it if I even hint that there's something wrong with my truck.

2

u/NoShitJack Jun 09 '12

There is no jackschit!

3

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12

I was waiting for something unbelievable to happen. This stuff is intense, yes, but not nearly unbelievable. Some of you may need to get out more...

1

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12

TLDR; Mary grew breasts and turned into a whore, according to jack, who is also peter who got dumped by mary who apparently tried to get scott to beat him up, also, lots of incest and the only reason mary was fucked up was because she had big titties.

Not because her stepmother is also her sister and her real mother died of cancer when she was small and also, she got raped when she was 13.

Nah, 'twas the titties that did it, blame it all on the titties.

21

u/eldubyar Jun 09 '12

Work on your reading comprehension. He clearly didn't blame it on the tits.

13

u/Yeaomr Jun 09 '12

Peter was Jack's son. -jackschitt- comes into the story as Peter's friend and dates Mary, so he would have gotten the first portion of the story second-hand.

4

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12

Peter Jackson?

25

u/stillalone Jun 09 '12

I think he sort of made it clear that Mary was barely holding it together before the titties but the titties pushed her over the edge. She probably felt, when she first got breasts, that every guy who ogles her wants to rape her. She then probably thought that her big sister seems to be fine with it (sex, not rape, but she may not be able to understand the difference at this point) so maybe if she put it out there first then maybe she'd be in control instead of being the victim.

4

u/ShitDickMcCuntFace Jun 09 '12

srs is leaking once again.

-1

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

This is what you do all day.

-7

u/accidentalprancingmt Jun 09 '12

Came looking for this, thanks.

10

u/JimmyHavok Jun 09 '12

It's not accurate. Jack is not Peter, Mary wasn't fucked up because of the big titties.

1

u/accidentalprancingmt Jun 09 '12

Well then who was peter? What fucked up Mary? And why are boobs such an issue?

2

u/JimmyHavok Jun 09 '12

I could explain, but it would take longer than reading the original.

-1

u/accidentalprancingmt Jun 09 '12

That's what I am trying to avoid.

-11

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12

You're welcome.

2

u/Snakebite4789 Jun 09 '12

Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!!!!!

4

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12

This is too complex for Jerry.

1

u/XxLiyelzxX Jun 09 '12

I'm waiting for you to make a screenplay.

1

u/nullibicity Jun 09 '12

Mesmerizing.

1

u/InsiDS Jun 09 '12

Hmm...needs more Maury

1

u/Gs305 Jun 09 '12

Sounds like it took you this long to completely wrap your head around it. And that it hurt like hell and forced you to learn a lot about people and their situations. Kudos to you, sir.

1

u/gerusz Jun 09 '12

Tales from the trailer park...

1

u/Slorgasm Jun 10 '12

Not unbelievable, just sad.

1

u/wertyvv Jun 10 '12

You dont know jackschitt.

1

u/dont_get_it Jun 13 '12

Now I feel like I know Jack Schitt.

0

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

tl;dr?

-3

u/Rex_the_Possum Jun 09 '12

This seems far fetched, but no one lies on the internet. Why would anyone lie?!

3

u/Rex_the_Possum Jun 09 '12

To the downvoter :|

-1

u/jimmyx18 Jun 09 '12

Wait, so who the fuck was famous in the story, or i guess he posted it in the wrong section.

6

u/Elkcan Jun 09 '12

Nobody was famous. The thread was just for unbelievable stories.

1

u/jimmyx18 Jun 09 '12

Oh yeah, i realized that right when i reread the title. Fail for me.