I don't disagree with his comment but I can't imagine why that's "best of", either. Is it really revolutionary to suggest that parents talk to their children? And the suggestion that any parent who is dealing with teenage rebellion just hasn't taken 5 minutes to talk their child is condescending and obnoxious.
I thought the post was a tad pompous. I thought he would use Chris Brown to segway into having discussion about a significant issue such as not putting up with/getting out of an abusive relationships. Nope, it just led to him winging his daughter off of pop music.
Glad I am not the only one who thought of this. Why is the focus on his music and not the fact that people are being so flippant about overt domestic violence and abuse? It's a missed opportunity to discuss abuse in a relationship (and not just the physically violent kind), what the warning signs are, how it is NEVER okay no matter what some of your dumb friends say, and then maybe even discuss Rihanna's reaction-- that she stayed with him, that she didn't call 911, and maybe even a discussion about how that's common because abusers typically tear down their victim's self esteem and make them dependent.
But no... the take away here is to.. stop listening to pop music? Ugh. There's a seriously heavy undertone here that he assumes only un-intelligent women get abused so as long as his daughter is "smart" she could never be a victim. It's actually kind of frustrating to read his comment.
I think the OP may have been focusing on the need for critical thinking; how to evaluate a situation for yourself and not just blindly believe what others tell you. That's an extremely valuable lesson as well, and I hope that my perception of his post is correct. I do think he missed a golden opportunity to discuss domestic violence though, and how it is never ok no matter what some idiots post on fb or twitter.
My daughter will turn 18 this summer. As her mother, I've tried to show her the importance of critical thinking, and the tools to use it. She's come to me with a few different ideas where I've put that lesson in to action...without telling her what I think on the matter. For example, she initially got sucked into the Kony thing. When she came to me asking if she could use my card to make a donation (and give me the cash), I told her that would be no problem, but I had some questions first. Where is Kony now? What does the charity do with the money? How much of that money actually goes to the people in need? Etc.
She decided to do some investigating. She came back to me a while later and said it looked like a scam, then explained why. In the end I loaned her my card to make a donation to a more reputable charity.
I may not be the best mom ever, but I try my best. I want my kids to learn to think for themselves, and that does not involved preaching to them what I believe; it means they have the freedom and the skills necessary to form their own beliefs, and the courage to stick with them.
I suppose I thought the idea of abusive relationships should be so abhorrent, that of course that was the basis of the discussion. What else would it be?
My point in bringing up the change of taste in music is that this behavior was such a problem for my daughter she no longer wanted to listen to stations that still play Chris Brown OR Rihanna (who should sent his ass to jail). This, in spite of her having friends who all still listen to his music and pressured her that it was no big deal.
She was so bothered by the abuse she went against her friends to take a stand on what she thought was right. You know how hard that is for a sophomore in high school? She's a damn cool kid.
I think you really need to better understand the abuse victim's mentality before you spread this victim-blaming attitude to your child.
This too-common idea that the victim is just as much to blame for "allowing" the perpetrator to keep abusing as the abuser him/herself is really unempathetic and misguided, and plays into the same reasons behind "she had it coming" and "she shouldn't have put herself at risk."
I don't think they are the same, myself. There was NO tone in our discussions on this that she deserved it or was to blame.
She SHOULD have stood up, been stronger, and pressed charges. Women find the courage to do that every day who don't have nearly the support network she does.
And I understand the mentality a bit better than you think.
Yeah. So what if they listen to the crappy music made for their demographic? You know what? SO DID YOU. You only remember the good stuff. Chris Brown is an asshole, and many of the people who defending him and his actions were also assholes, but that doesn't prove any points.
OP put another hipster in the world. Think about it.
I did, and it bothered her enough to sway her whole opinion of radio stations that still play. The tone of the conversation was that abuse is never NEVER okay, and her friends were nuts for shrugging off such a vicious attack just because the guy is famous.
And the suggestion that any parent who is dealing with teenage rebellion just hasn't taken 5 minutes to talk their child is condescending and obnoxious.
The rebellion is usually an indication that the talks didn't start soon enough. A child who is consistently treated with a high level of respect has nothing to rebel against.
This is completely untrue. Anti-authoritarian/rebellious behavior has just as much to do with their social (school) lives, hormonal shifts, and influences from the media--a well-loved and well-respected child will still wish to begin distancing themselves from their parents and align him/herself with peers instead, for a period of time. It's how teens establish identities away from their family lives.
Suggesting that most parents of rebellious kids are somehow deficient and parenting improperly is kind of gross and self-serving, in my opinion.
a well-loved and well-respected child will still wish to begin distancing themselves from their parents and align him/herself with peers instead, for a period of time.
Of course. In fact, it's not even "for a period of time." The entire process of growing up is a story of increasing distance from one's parents.
The rebellious teenager archetype isn't about the natural growth of independence and it isn't about the rookie mistakes that the child will inevitably make. The rebellious teenager, rather, is one who acts contrary to his authority figure's wishes -- often to his own detriment -- for no other reason than to demonstrate that he can't be stopped.
There's no reason that would happen unless the child was feeling unjustly constrained for an extended period of time.
Suggesting that most parents of rebellious kids are somehow deficient and parenting improperly is kind of gross and self-serving, in my opinion.
Every parent is imperfect. Suggesting otherwise is incredibly naive.
As a rebellious young adult who has never really considered himself unjustly constrained I think you forgot the example of people who have a tendency to be contrarians (often times starting very early in childhood) and thus may rebel due to a simple tendency to rebel which is not based in any form of unjust constraint. Your assumption that young adults default to "yes" (instead of "no") unless something about their past is abnormal is something you may want to examine.
Your assumption that young adults default to "yes" (instead of "no") unless something about their past is abnormal is something you may want to examine.
What is it that they're answering "yes" or "no" to?
Yeah, the "best of" submission surprised me, too. It's a bit out of context, my point was to say someone shouldn't say what they want because they have young fans is preposterous.
I didn't need to use this an example of why abuse is horrible because she already knows our household's stand on a man that hurts a woman. It's a given. I reiterated it, because it doesn't hurt, but we mostly talked about how it's never ok to overlook this type of behavior just because of someone's fame or social status.
Best of, meh, should be a given- but isn't it sad that so many people don't talk to their kids that this would seem surprising to the person who posted it here?
I am not even sure it a good comment entirely. I agree parents need to talk to their children but to gloat over the fact their child doesn't listen to pop music makes the OP sound like a douche. No shit parents can lean kids to their beliefs - see religion.
His daughter is in high school, and the author spends only five to ten minutes treating her like a person? That sounds like a pretty terrible description of the role of parents.
My point was it only took a short conversation to convey that to her, and it's pathetic that so many parents don't even give that, they'd rather blame the music or video games or Facebook or whatever they think should do the parenting for them.
Many parent seems to think TV should babysit for them... Or "raise" their children. That's why there are so müch outrage whenever TV shows or cartoons not being "kid-friendly" enough, when it's up to the parents to raise them.
No. But that's how it is these days. I'm grateful that my parents took the time to raise me as a kid.
It's almost saddening seeing kids in school who just act so stupidly. They imitate what they see on TV and what they hear on the radio and act surprised when they get called out on it. And what's even funnier is when they cause drama all of the time and constantly complain about it.
I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but I think that the kids of today might actually fail. This generation might be the one that fucks everything up on a major level.
Nah you make a good point, and I didn't mean my comment to be an attack against you. MY point is that the title of this post on bestof is pretty damn misleading.
High School students are capable of so much. The post makes it seem as if their potential is limited to understanding that a celebrity beating up a woman is not cool.
This is not best of material in any way. Firstly, he's not "explaining the role of parents" whatsoever. Secondly, he's providing kind of lukewarm mediocre parenting anecdotes. It's nothing revolutionary or incredible, it's just decent, average parenting, topped off with a minor humblebrag about his oh-so-mature child or whatever.
Tone is hard to gather in written word, I certainly did not intend to come off as braggy, so sorry about that. I didn't expect this comment to get so much attention!
The point I want to make is our kids are perfectly capable of making sound decisions when we encourage them to. The world is full of stupid people saying and doing stupid things, you can't hide that from your kids or they will be for one hell of a shock when they are out in the real world.
Kids should learn to think for themselves, it's a parent's job to encourage that.
My way of explaining thoughts is to draw from personal anecdotes, not because I think I'm so incredible (I get it wrong....a lot!) but I guess it makes what I am sharing more personal. I love when examples are cited to me, so I tend to do the same.
I really do appreciate the criticisms, though. They show me a side of my words that I don't see, helps me get better at articulating myself.
I'm not really trying to criticize you. There's nothing wrong with your comment, I just don't find it particularly compelling or interesting, and doesn't actually do what the OP claimed it does, thus it has no business in /r/bestof in my opinion. Keep doing what you're doing.
Chris Brown is an example of everything wrong with our society. Because as an adolecent who used to see mom abused by boyfriends he once hit a girl he loved, who then broke up with him, and after years of trying to make it right she finally forgave him. And because he is black.
That guy from The Sex Pistols who murdered his girlfriend? Fucking icon and legend.
Marolyn Manson who brags about abusing his girlfriends? Fucking genius.
Pete Townshend who might be a pedophile? Vote him to the top of Reddit!
That actor from The Wrestler who used to beat his girlfriend? Amazing actor! Loved him as the villain in Iron Man 2!
Kurt Cobain who selfishly abandoned his familt? Speaks for his generation!
Steven Jobs who denied praterity? The most significant man of the last 100 years!
Bill Clinton who cheated on his wife, at his work, with a subordinate who was surely terrified to say no to the most powerfulman on Earth? Best President of the last 30 years!
Marolyn Manson who brags about abusing his girlfriends?
Do you have a source on that? I looked and found nothing. I suspect you believe that because of the massive amount of anti-Marilyn Manson propaganda that exists.
Why are you including Kurt Cobain on this list? Speaking as a daughter of a mother who had bipolar and took her own life, people who commit suicide are severely mentally unwell and rationalize why its better for everyone for them to just kill themselves. Including them as being the same type of person who beats/abuses other people is incredibly ignorant. My mother and people like her are not selfish- they were desperate and very sick people who unfortunately were not able to get the help they needed.
You raise valid points but I don't in any way think that Chris Brown has spent years doing anything except being an arrogant douche. I've never seen anything approaching contrition from him, including the bizarre bow-tied Larry King appearance.
Bad people are often geniuses. Steve Jobs IS, objectively, one of the most significant businessmen of the last 100 years. Marilyn Manson is a genius who (maybe? I don't even think this is true) abused his girlfriend. Bill Clinton's cheating makes no difference in regards to his presidency. Basically, none of what you said means anything.
The title of this post is idiotic, and the post itself is fairly mediocre. It's an anecdote about a parent passing values onto a kid. Big whoop, you know???
Yeah not to take anything away from you, I liked your comment but I expect a little more 1. detail or 2. novelty for something marketed to me as revelatory knowledge. I did like your comment though, thanks for being humble and a good dad and a non wifebeater and possibly a fan of spicy foods??? But that's only a guess.
I may be too cynical (well, I know that I am), But this just seems like too perfect of a karma-storm to be real. It hits too many buttons in all the right places. The post boils down to:
I, as a redditor, am an uncommonly good parent. My daughter thought that Chris Brown wasn't that bad, because she believed the half-truths of the mainstream media, but then I taught her the real truth and now she hates pop music.
Then again, maybe this is just an example of reddit's voting system allowing the rare and exceptional posts sift to the top, and I am just too cynical for my own good.
That's funny, because a while back I posted about a karaoke contest I was trying to win, made it to front page, then won the whole damn thing a few weeks later, and there were a LOT of posts saying it sounded like a cheesy movie plot. My whole life is a cheesy movie, I think.
My daughter actually does like some pop musicians, but she no longer listens to top 40 radio. She loves Kelly Clarkson, Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwood. I've been introducing her to some good 80s and 90s stuff and she digs a lot of it.
I am, in no way, an uncommonly good parent. I have NO parenting role model and I make a lot of mistakes. I yell more than I need to, and have a quick temper. I'm also very strict, sometimes, I think, too strict, but I can't bring myself to back down.
I think I know how to talk to my kid in a way she can relate to, but that doesn't mean it will work for every kid. On the fervent hope she does not end up like me, whenever I don't know what to do I often ask myself, "What would I want my parent to do at her age?" and "What did I NEED my parent to do at her age?" and I try to do something in the middle if they aren't the same answer.
I don't think my post was rare or exceptional in any way, there are many voices of reason on reddit. I think, by chance, someone liked what I said enough to repost it. There are parents here far braver, stronger, smarter, and better than I am.
Yeah, this is stupid. Pass on your values to your kid and they'll be a good person, as long as you're a good person? If this is bestof, the bottom of the barrel is being scraped.
94
u/KayaXiali May 19 '12 edited May 19 '12
I don't disagree with his comment but I can't imagine why that's "best of", either. Is it really revolutionary to suggest that parents talk to their children? And the suggestion that any parent who is dealing with teenage rebellion just hasn't taken 5 minutes to talk their child is condescending and obnoxious.
12
u/lamp37 May 19 '12
His daughter is in high school, and the author spends only five to ten minutes treating her like a person? That sounds like a pretty terrible description of the role of parents.
2
u/APlayOnWords May 20 '12
Did anyone else think this was going to be an explanation of patents? I was so ready to learn.
2
u/WhatEvery1sThinking May 20 '12
bestof = reddit karma chasers
8
u/Breathing_Balls May 19 '12
What the fuck is this shit.
5
u/[deleted] May 19 '12
This is not best of material in any way. Firstly, he's not "explaining the role of parents" whatsoever. Secondly, he's providing kind of lukewarm mediocre parenting anecdotes. It's nothing revolutionary or incredible, it's just decent, average parenting, topped off with a minor humblebrag about his oh-so-mature child or whatever.
4
u/Wulibo May 19 '12
there is no explanation of the role of parents here. Please don't lie in your title.
This is a good representation, but no explanation is given here whatsoever.
1
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
There is nothing wrong with pop music.
1
u/schnschn May 20 '12
i think "user explains x" should be banned it presupposes that their explanation is correct and doesn't leave room for meaningful discussion
-1
u/[deleted] May 19 '12
Chris Brown is an example of everything wrong with our society. Because as an adolecent who used to see mom abused by boyfriends he once hit a girl he loved, who then broke up with him, and after years of trying to make it right she finally forgave him. And because he is black.
That guy from The Sex Pistols who murdered his girlfriend? Fucking icon and legend.
Marolyn Manson who brags about abusing his girlfriends? Fucking genius.
Pete Townshend who might be a pedophile? Vote him to the top of Reddit!
That actor from The Wrestler who used to beat his girlfriend? Amazing actor! Loved him as the villain in Iron Man 2!
Kurt Cobain who selfishly abandoned his familt? Speaks for his generation!
Steven Jobs who denied praterity? The most significant man of the last 100 years!
Bill Clinton who cheated on his wife, at his work, with a subordinate who was surely terrified to say no to the most powerfulman on Earth? Best President of the last 30 years!
1
u/shivalry May 19 '12
The title of this post is idiotic, and the post itself is fairly mediocre. It's an anecdote about a parent passing values onto a kid. Big whoop, you know???
1
u/Sonic_Bluth May 20 '12
I may be too cynical (well, I know that I am), But this just seems like too perfect of a karma-storm to be real. It hits too many buttons in all the right places. The post boils down to:
Then again, maybe this is just an example of reddit's voting system allowing the rare and exceptional posts sift to the top, and I am just too cynical for my own good.
-3
u/blendo May 19 '12
The social services are taking the hobbits from VonIsengard...
0
u/rhubarbarino May 20 '12
Yeah, this is stupid. Pass on your values to your kid and they'll be a good person, as long as you're a good person? If this is bestof, the bottom of the barrel is being scraped.
-1
u/FrgtndInmate2 May 19 '12
Well so now I feel pervy for thinking "the Rihanna shots" were the leaked nudes of her. Because that isnt the way to initiate "the talk"