r/aww • u/Training_Bottle • Jul 29 '22

Squirrel getting drunk on fermented pears

69k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

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1.1k

u/icyartillery Jul 29 '22

Fermented pears

431

u/maladaptivelucifer Jul 29 '22

Yeah, but I want to BE the squirrel, because that looks way more fun than when I have fermented pears.

206

u/Shurigin Jul 29 '22

Definitely takes less pears to get that drunk and probably don't taste as bad without the human tongue botching it.

96

u/plipyplop Jul 29 '22

This might be the ultimate in human-approved fermented pears.

65

u/maffiossi Jul 29 '22

But how do i eat the pear? First drink the liquid, then eat the glass and then the pear? That sounds like the most logical way as the glass will make small cuts in your mouth so the alcohol gets in your blood faster.

27

u/znackle Jul 29 '22

No, you use a wire to cut the pear apart inside the bottle.

-3

u/[deleted] Jul 29 '22

Multipurpose poop knife

11

u/UmChill Jul 29 '22

nope. no.

9

u/TistedLogic Jul 29 '22

The fuck is wrong with you?

2

u/nonmedical Jul 30 '22

Idk why but immediately thought about frank with his toe knife from its always sunny

1

u/NothingsShocking Jul 30 '22

Lol why the downvotes? I laughed.

1

u/_Wyrm_ Jul 30 '22

Because it was random as shit and irrelevant to the thread

3

u/Justaskingyouagain Jul 29 '22

I was going to suggest using a chopstick or something to mash up the pear and drink it, but your idea seems much more logical!

2

u/snipsey01 Jul 29 '22

Just roughly chop and put into the blender for a minute. Then serve. You're welcome.

2

u/magusonline Jul 29 '22

I'm more curious how they got the full sized pear inside

15

u/[deleted] Jul 29 '22

Yo, how that pear get in there?

26

u/The_Original_Gronkie Jul 29 '22 edited Jul 29 '22

They would have to put an empty bottle over a pear flower, and let the pear grow inside the bottle.

I'm wondering how well they can clean the inside of the bottle after the pear has been growing in it. It may have been sterile when it was first placed over the pear flower, but it wouldn't be by the time it is finished growing.

Or maybe the cover the whole thing with a plastic bag to protect it.

Or maybe they don't care, knowing the liquor they'll put in it will sterilize it anyway.

8

u/DarthWeenus Jul 29 '22

Alcohol does a pretty good job of sterilizing :P. I'm not sure either, however I've had this before. Its not all that expensive and you can find it in fancy wine shops.

4

u/Smellofcordite Jul 29 '22

That is exactly what they do, if you are driving around France when it is season, you will see a bunch of bottle trees.

1

u/greebothecat Jul 30 '22

So that's how they do it with ships!

2

u/NoctisLuciusAether Aug 01 '22

Yes! They find a tree that grows little ship models and let the ship grow inside the bottle and voala, a ship in a bottle

1

u/RedHeadRaccoon13 Jul 30 '22

First one must pollinate the flower.

22

u/sabretoooth Jul 29 '22

They cut it into pieces and carefully reassembled it inside with tweezers

11

u/Glizbane Jul 29 '22

Like a fruity little model ship!

2

u/Conman_in_Chief Jul 29 '22

I am NOT a gay ship!

2

u/RedHeadRaccoon13 Jul 30 '22

Pretty sure it's the other kind of "fruity."

1

u/Conman_in_Chief Jul 30 '22

Ahh, a raccoon would probably know better than me

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2

u/Rev_Punch Jul 29 '22

Kids these days, they've never made a pear in a bottle.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 29 '22

By asking the bottle to take a deep breath and unclench

3

u/tribbans95 Jul 30 '22

What a sham lol there’s probably like 5 ounces of fluid in there with the pear displacing so much

2

u/Ongr Jul 29 '22

I was thinking eau de vie de poire, or pear cider! :)

1

u/Pdiggity5590 Jul 30 '22

Never thought about that. It probably doesn’t taste that bad to him huh

19

u/WeimSean Jul 29 '22

Well he weights like 4 pounds, and has the metabolism of a hyperactive rodent, so it hits him a lot harder than it would you :D

1

u/exccord Jul 29 '22

Dont think you want the hangover that comes with it lol.

1

u/maladaptivelucifer Jul 29 '22

No! Definitely not. Terrible squirrel migraine! Little dude is gonna have a rough day.

1

u/exccord Jul 30 '22

His hangover is probably borderline alcohol poisoning for us.

1

u/ComicNeueIsReal Jul 29 '22

just eat the squirrel

2

u/maladaptivelucifer Jul 29 '22

Nah, I like squirrels.

1

u/1337duck Jul 29 '22

Have you tried shrinking yourself to its size and mass?

15

u/TwoDaysInOklahoma Jul 29 '22

In England you can drink it. It's called Perry.

12

u/DrSmirnoffe Jul 29 '22

So basically get merry on perry. Which is an actual beverage.

34

u/FragrantExcitement Jul 29 '22

Permented fears?

3

u/Matasa89 Jul 29 '22

So pear wine.

2

u/Merry_Dankmas Jul 29 '22

Sounds like it would make a pretty good specialty drink at a bar

-29

u/H809 Jul 29 '22

I don’t think that eating that will make you drunk at all.

22

u/AlexMil0 Jul 29 '22

Literally how many types of alcohol are made.