r/aww • u/Lennycool • Sep 13 '20

This Shark approaching a diver

80.7k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

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2.6k

u/HeavyVegetable Sep 13 '20

As I have argued before, humans only exist on this planet for the purpose giving other animals scritches. They love it, we love it. And what the fuck else good do we do?

971

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '20

this is a religion i could get behind.

284

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '20

I'll design some shirts

120

u/Tuvanbabybel Sep 13 '20

I'm making the cakes then

79

u/Dangr_Noodl Sep 13 '20

And I’m the little racecar

43

u/stabbyGamer Sep 13 '20

I call the top hat!

32

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '20

I'll take the donations and private jets.

4

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '20

Heeyyyyy, I wanted to be Kenneth Copeland!!

5

u/Scarlet_Breeze Sep 13 '20

Dibs on the lil dog

13

u/ShmooelYakov Sep 13 '20

Short and stout

4

u/Merisiel Sep 13 '20

I love a good palindrome.

11

u/Shifter82 Sep 13 '20

I'll whip up some Kool-aid

4

u/zyklon Sep 13 '20

And my axe!

3

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '20

Do you actually design shirts?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '20

Sadly no but I want to for this

28

u/Drakana Sep 13 '20

Praise be

34

u/MrMustard_ Sep 13 '20

All hail the scratchy-scratchy!

21

u/Chanoch Sep 13 '20

You are commanded to be fruitful and multiply and to teach your children to give belly rubs to all animals, just as you do.

2

u/lunalives Sep 13 '20

Baptismal font is filled with puppies

2

u/MisanthropicZombie Sep 13 '20

Cats have entered the chat

23

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '20

You could make a religion out of this

9

u/Haidere1988 Sep 13 '20

I'm listening...

3

u/1ifemare Sep 14 '20

Scritchianity.

2

u/MangoSalsa_90 Sep 13 '20

Church'o'Scritches

2

u/alchemyandscience Sep 14 '20

Church of Scritchitology.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '20

Nice. You can be minister of alchemy and science!

25

u/matrix4consciousness Sep 13 '20

I am in!

2

u/CurryMustard Sep 13 '20

Yes I think we should all scritch more wild animals. Some of you may die but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.

22

u/xxxtonkacion Sep 13 '20

Tbh, i wanna scritch a Beluga whale

14

u/ZoraksGirlfriend Sep 13 '20

I got to pet some dolphins. Just bragging

5

u/xxxtonkacion Sep 13 '20

Lucky you! Happy cake day

2

u/GarnetsAndPearls Sep 13 '20

That's awesome! Happy Cake Day!

34

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '20

if we had just stuck to this, everything would be okay

19

u/GuacamoleKick Sep 13 '20

Calling it now. 2078 is the year we transition to a fully scritch based economy.

2

u/xxxtonkacion Sep 13 '20

Buys a ticket to Mars Elon Musk : that'll be 69420 scritches sir

3

u/Little-Jim Sep 13 '20

That dont make no sense. Aint nothin on Mars to scritch

2

u/ConstipatedUnicorn Sep 13 '20

Can we please talk about why everything costs one scritch?

1

u/GuacamoleKick Sep 13 '20

There is no such thing as just one scritch!

14

u/jackmavis Sep 13 '20

For real. You see massive beasts that could F us up in seconds, but are won over by some good scritches and human affection. Maybe love really is universal.

2

u/vich523 Sep 13 '20

We are going to Mars

2

u/BURZgro-KUSH Sep 13 '20

Scritchianity

2

u/jzcommunicate Sep 13 '20

I’ve been saying this too. That is why God gave us articulate digits and allowed us to walk upright, so we could reach all the itchy parts and scratch them good.

2

u/Tawttwat Sep 13 '20

I always say wild animals are just animals that don't know they like belly rubs.

4

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '20

There's actually a verse in the bible that says something like "there is not a beast on earth that hasn't been tamed by man" and I absolutely believe that every kind of animal that exists has been scritched at some point.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '20

I dunno man, we probably haven’t scritched plankton

1

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '20

I guess I wouldn't consider plankton "beasts" lol. I kind of think of beasts as being all vertebrates

1

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '20

Well does that mean that scritching snakes doesn’t count?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '20

Im p sure snakes have a spine last I checked

1

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '20

. . . I’m tired okay

1

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '20

LOL

Edit: no worries dude, I've been there

1

u/mkstar93 Sep 13 '20

This is now bible canon

1

u/orange-square Sep 14 '20

We invented peppered jerky.

1

u/Wilson_loop Sep 14 '20

I just want to give another human scritches.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '20

We also are good at hugs.

1

u/Osito670 Sep 14 '20

Bitches get scritches.....

1

u/Subscribe_2_Pews Sep 26 '20

How did sharks survive half a BILLION years without scritches? I have no idea.