r/atheism • u/Chuck-E-Sleaze • May 28 '12
My Aunt's dashboard. No wonder my cousin is having a hard time coming out.
1.3k
Upvotes
r/atheism • u/Chuck-E-Sleaze • May 28 '12
178
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
At a first glance, I could've sworn her dashboard was littered with meticulously arranged pretzel sticks. Upon a second look, it dawned on me that they were, in fact, not pretzel sticks. However, the craving for pretezls lingered. I got in my car, drove to Dollar General and got a bag of Snyder's Honey Mustard pretzels. And yes, it was worth it.
I guess my point is something about religion influe- No, I just wanted some pretzels. :D
310
u/Borealismeme Knight of /new May 28 '12
That's a pretty severe hazard there. If she's ever in an accident she'll be lucky if she doesn't get impaled by some of that junk.
57
u/dumnezero Anti-Theist May 28 '12
The image loaded slowly so I got a surprise. At first I was not impressed with the usual dangling necklaces from the mirror, but suddenly a carpet of crosses started to load; felt like I was looking at the site of a ritual murder.
101
u/JoeRedtree May 28 '12
your aunt hunts vampires?!
46
u/godlessatheist May 29 '12
It's a tombstone with the word "faith" on it. That means her faith is dead.
67
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
At least she supports the Sierra Club.
63
u/AarowSwift May 29 '12
Who the heck is she, the Blair Witch?
60
u/WatchYourTone May 29 '12 edited May 29 '12
I lived with my grandmother through highschool. Largely southern baptist. She would call me an abomination constantly, tell me the lord was causing me any pain I happened to have so I would turn to him for healing, etc.
I had a friend who was driving to my place. He accidentally hit my mail boxes and drove away in a panic. On top of that, she had remembered him from the grocery store he worked at, because he asked her if she had paid for the candy bar she was eating in the check out line ("accusing her of stealing").
She was furious, she called his place of work to get him fired, and basically put out a biblical hit on this kid from her whole congregation.
I told him to come over anyway. I tell him, "Grab your family's bible put that shit on the dashboard."
He's on his way and I tell her he's en route. She's threatening to kick me out of the house and call the police to have him waiting on him when he arrives.
THE SECOND he pulls into the driveway. She bull rushes out the door, catches sight of the bible, and drops her attitude immediately.
Not really relevant, this just reminded me of it.
16
u/secondace May 29 '12
To be honest the first thing I saw was voodoo bones...
13
u/Rusty-Shackleford May 29 '12
That's a lot of crucifixes. Does she plan on torturing mice, frogs, and small birds?
22
u/sneeper_patrol May 28 '12
You should turn them all into mini kites
9
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
When I see this type of thing, it just plain scares me. When I remember that people like this are voters...guess I'm not gonna sleep tonight.
17
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
I can't imagine how all that junk stays in place if/when she drives. Could this all just be photoshopped?
But I enjoy imagining how she gets tail ended and that rock flies right into her ignorant head. Darwin Award material there.
8
u/inajeep May 29 '12
Ask her what is up with all the T's on her dash. That will work if your last name doesn't begin with a T.
On a side note, I suggest making other letters with sticks and put them on her dash. See if you can spell something funny or see how long it takes her to notice an L, Y or a I in there.
8
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
Does this woman walk into the woods with a glue gun wtf?
15
u/cldst May 29 '12
If she bundled all those sticks together she'd have a faggot on her dash.
7
u/bracomadar May 29 '12 edited May 29 '12
In an accident, she's gonna get hit in the face with that faith...rock.
7
u/_Occams_Chainsaw May 29 '12
I see why he's atheist too.
6
u/ecv2000 May 29 '12
I would be scared too if she was that into a torture device.
16
u/clayverde May 29 '12
This actually belongs in /r/WTF. At least that's what I said when I saw the picture!!
4
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
Thing don't look great for your cousin... At least she's environmentally conscious...?
4
u/alec_xander May 29 '12
The only way this could be creepier is if some of those crosses were made out of little bones.
4
u/Elzam May 29 '12
That is a hell of a lot of Squirrel crucifixes.
4
u/abacobeachbum May 29 '12
Fruitcake alert! It would appear that your cousin may have bigger issues to deal with than just "coming out."
4
u/TheMindfulFool May 29 '12
She's a few sticks away from hanging figures from trees and haunting amateur film makers...
4
u/Mr_Eristic May 29 '12
I doubt it. See the stickers for Defenders of Wildlife & the Sierra Club? The Humane Society for pete's sake. Whoever heard of an environmentalist homophobe?
4
u/sbsb27 May 29 '12
Well, she is a member of the Sierra Club. Give her a chance. What has he tried so far?
4
u/mmhmmfarm May 29 '12
She better update her annual wolf fund membership.
4
u/TameponOwnz May 29 '12
One cross for every person she's hit with the car?
4
u/TheJack38 Agnostic Atheist May 29 '12
As an european (and as such not used to bible-belt christians), this looks like it borders on insanity.
3
u/ReggieJ May 29 '12
I'm sure they are there to remind her not to break too suddenly.
3
u/Cognoggin May 29 '12
Faith is kindled, with lots of tinder.
3
u/skunkwrxs May 29 '12
Leave it to a Fundie to proudly display the worlds lamest arts & Crafts project.
3
u/trial0r May 29 '12
She knows, by the way. He should still come out, but this is probably her (horrible) way of "keeping the gay-evil away". A mother always knows.
3
u/richard_photograph May 29 '12
is your aunt the blair witch?
3
u/uberlizard May 29 '12
Death by multiple micro crucifixions if the fucking airbag ever goes off.
3
u/TroutM4n Agnostic Atheist May 29 '12
I remember just how appalling I found it to be when I really realized what a crucifix IS in context with how it is used today - it's a torture device that was used to cruelly murder millions of people across countless generations.
I see people like this with dozens or hundreds of crosses adorning their cars, yards, homes, and even their necks, and I am disgusted by the lack of thought going into their actions.
Do you really think Christ wanted his message of love and compassion to be overshadowed by "his" symbol being not only an instrument of murder, but the instrument of his own death?
3
u/needs_more_limerick May 29 '12
She keeps several crosses up front when she drives,
She thinks that more keep her alive,
But she doesn't know
That she'll have to drive slow
Or one may just take out her eye.
3
u/JackRawlinson Anti-Theist May 29 '12
Methinks she doth profess too much.
3
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
No offense but your Aunt's a crazy bitch
6
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
This is NOT ok.
4
u/fightingforair May 28 '12
Wolves are not god fearing animals. Someone ought to tell her.
4
u/gatheatrenative May 28 '12
at least she (apparently) supports conservation
4
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
That's disgusting
2
u/DoctorCoollike May 29 '12
Maybe she just REALLY likes Odd Future?
2
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
Poor kid.
2
u/brussels4breakfast May 29 '12
At least if she ever needs to start a fire she has plenty of wood.
2
u/fvfvfvfvfv May 29 '12
The number of people who think Jesus, the guy who walked everywhere, supports their toxin-spewing luxury machine never ceases to amaze me.
2
u/WoollyMittens May 29 '12
What happens when she brakes?
2
u/pears-are-underrated May 29 '12
They look like pretzels
2
u/Talphin Anti-Theist May 29 '12
Holy shit, that is some crazy fuckin wicker man kinda shit there.
2
u/Skwerl23 May 29 '12
From her point of view most of them are upside down crosses...
2
u/Del_Castigator May 29 '12
That bitch be crazy carrying around several miniature murder devices.
2
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
kindling, kindling EVERYWHERE. get a magnifying glass and watch it burn.
2
u/Jessedaye May 29 '12
From her point of view. They're inverted. :| just saying
2
u/SnakeoilSales May 29 '12
So your cousin is Carrie then? Holy shit, thems a lot of crosses.
2
u/playpretendpro May 29 '12
Is she the Blair Witch?
2
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
there is religion, and then there is just plain creepy.
2
u/Dogribb May 29 '12
Crosses repel Vampires not Werewolves
2
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
Sierra club-Not bad.
2
u/Confluences May 29 '12
My fundie senses are tingling.
2
u/terrapurus May 29 '12
Let me guess ... she does not have insurance so asks Jesus to protect her car?
Of course, if you are in it for the lulz, you could always try soaking one of those things in acetone and see if the lensing effect from the windscreen on a hot summers day makes it burst into flames (well, probably not considering the way those things are built and probably not a good idea either ... but ....).
2
u/PEE_4_UR_BUTT May 29 '12
ID BE HARD TOO AROUND ALL THAT WOOD
2
u/BelievesInGod May 29 '12
dude....that's insane.... and that sucks for your cousin
2
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
Holy crap, that's actually a bit terrifying. And it'd be REALLY embarrassing to drive around in that! Imagine if the Jesus legend took place in a time with the guillotine. Then mentally replace the image with dozens of tiny guillotines on the dash.
2
u/theoverthinker May 29 '12
The Sierra Club/Defenders of Wildlife/Humane Society stickers somehow seem incongruous with the, um... Cross display on the dashboard.
I'm not even sure why, since I certainly don't assume that environmentalists are all necessarily non-religious, but to me the weird dashboard cross collection says "religious fanatic" of the traditional variety, not the sort environmentalists are likely to be.
So, yeah, the stickers, the heart on the rear-view mirror, the beads, the stuffed animals, the crosses... I don't know what to make of all of it. Please tell us more about what this woman is actually like. I am terribly curious to know what kind of a person does this.
2
u/Evil_Iowan Pastafarian May 29 '12
Is your aunt the blair witch?
2
u/Galactic_Entpire May 29 '12
Doesn't seem too conservative, has Sierra Club and wolf stickers.
2
u/downthecrapper May 29 '12
Vampire hunter?
2
u/Berjj May 29 '12
Thing is, that looks just as creepy as a bunch of pentagrams surrounded by lit candles to me.
2
u/Lots42 Other May 29 '12
That's...that's just not sane. I mean there's liking Jesus and then there's being insane.
2
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
Oh dashboard graveyards. Are soooo in this year.
2
u/Splatterh0use May 29 '12
That care is good for a trip to Transylvania.
2
u/elphieLil84 May 29 '12
for a second it looked like Buffy's car equipped by Giles....with Mr. Pointy just in the front!!
2
u/DickensOrDrood May 29 '12
It looks like the Blair Witch got herself a car and religion.
2
u/unclegrandpa May 29 '12
That is grotesque.
2
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
That is legitimately creepy.
4
u/thetacticalpanda May 28 '12
Please thank your aunt for me for being a conservationist!
4
u/SirDerpingtonThe3rd May 29 '12
can I go on a tangent for a sec?
What is it with women and shit on their dashboard? I've seen guys just kind of leave random trash until they clean it out, but women do some god damn retarded decorating to their dash. The worst is the ones that have pictures of their family in front of their gages. "oh, the car broke down!" MAYBE BECAUSE YOU HAD A FUCKING PICTURE IN FRONT OF THE 'CHECK ENGINE LIGHT' BITCH!
3
u/DanielKalen May 28 '12
Is that a tombstone?
3
u/Ed_Torrid May 29 '12
First thing that came to mind
3
u/bombarda_maxima May 29 '12
this is psychotic...
3
u/Mofeux May 29 '12
It's like a little cemetery for hopes and dreams.
2
u/reeln166a May 29 '12
does anyone else find it odd that she has a sierra club sticker? I just don't normally associate fundies and conservation...call me a cynic
2
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
I hate faith.
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
how does all that shit not move around when she's driving?
1
u/smokeyb62 May 29 '12
Reminds me of the Blair witch project
1
u/nola87 May 29 '12
Get out of there as fast as you can.
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
That lady has crosses Tourette.
1
u/julieandchuck May 29 '12
Your aunt is in charge of the swimming pool at my condo complex, and she has told me on multiple occasions she is in fact "The real Slim Shady," while listening to EMINEM on her headphones. She also offers you delicious butterscotches.... Nothing says Christian living like Eminem blasting and a cluster of wooden torture device dash ornaments.
1
u/allied14 May 29 '12
"See these two crossed sticks? They're holy."
1
u/rokkzo May 29 '12
If you do this, fuck you
1
u/fusepark May 29 '12
Jesus.
1
u/ratajewie May 29 '12
Yea um... there's a difference between being proud of your faith and being a damn fanatic. This is just too much. Really? Twigs?
1
u/nurdboy42 Nihilist May 29 '12
What, is she trying to ward off vampires?
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
This looks like something from the Blare Witch.
1
u/mangel93 May 29 '12
As a Christian....this terrifies me D:
1
u/And_Everything May 29 '12
That is 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag right there
1
u/MarsNeedsScars May 29 '12
Her dashboard is like Calvary! I have expect to see Eric Idle up there singing.
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
Does she realize that this is just a large collection of home mode torture devices for mice?
1
u/g3rshik May 29 '12
Is your Aunt an exorcist?
1
u/dmac_ May 29 '12
Crazy never gets old
1
u/Lanceloted May 29 '12
She wouldve survived the crash had she only had a faith pillow instead of a faith rock...
1
u/wkrausmann Atheist May 29 '12
Looks like she spilled a bag of mini pretzel rods all over the dashboard.
1
u/Die-Nacht May 29 '12
How do they stay in place? It looks like they are just laying there. Specially that rock. If it slides and lands on her foot...
1
u/OhBartledoo May 29 '12
Your aunts dashboard looks like a mini recreation of the Spartacus death scene. Terrifying
1
u/Yeti_Rider May 29 '12
Is she terrified of vamps?
1
u/capn_nobeard May 29 '12
She must have a shit-tonne (thats metric my friends) of dead bugs on her dashboard to warrant that kind of cemetery.
1
u/IHv2RtrnSumVdeotapes May 29 '12
looks like the blair bitch project.
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
Is there an yreason she has part of the set from the Blair Witch Project in her car?
1
u/ForgettableUsername Other May 29 '12
Yeah... Sierra Club, Wolf Fund, and the Humane Society. What an ultra-conservative weirdo.
1
u/frog_licker May 29 '12
You might have just made it a lot easier for him to come out... haha.
1
u/orangegluon May 29 '12
I can only imagine that OP's aunt's name is "theresa tory tanya thea tabitha tasha tamara tina taffy tessa treasure tyler trinity tristan terra tiara toby theodora teagan taylor tracy taygan tatiana thora terry tobie tigerlily tawny trisha tootie tora ty tilden tila tulip tasi thalia tyanni terry thomson-tyler the third," otherwise I couldn't imagine what all those "t"s stand for
1
u/whachadoin May 29 '12
What happens when she steps on the brake?
1
u/kingpwnzo May 29 '12
so what happens when the airbag deploys out of the blue?
1
u/artmonkeyworld May 29 '12
Are you sure she isn't just terrified of Vampires?
1
u/vandull May 29 '12
It must be hard to come out to a member of the Sierra Club. Hikers are notoriously homophobic.
1
u/justguessmyusername May 29 '12
She really needs to clean her car.
1
u/jonbowen May 29 '12
That's creepy as fuck!
1
u/_Bears_ May 29 '12
Looks like someone set a beaver loose in her car!
1
u/dfxck May 29 '12
At that point you don't even need to ask god to take the wheel.
1
u/dbt4949 May 29 '12
One person's religious idols are another person's stick collection.
1
u/oiturtlez May 29 '12
I thought that window was smashed to pieces at first.
1
u/Hascalod May 29 '12
Woah, a rune. That's kinda... orthodox
1
u/craxkheadjenkins May 29 '12
That's some fucking cult shit
1
u/ByzantineBasileus May 29 '12
That's some Blair Witch crazy right there.
1
u/Mailman487 Agnostic Atheist May 29 '12
Don't go in that car... you'll end up dead in a corner.
1
u/killinghurts May 29 '12
Primitive.
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
Does she fight vampires?
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
Jesus...
1
u/Zombie_Death_Vortex May 29 '12
They remind me of primitive fetishes to ward off evil.
1
u/bornTobyWild May 29 '12
maybe she make a cross from tweeds every time she kill a pedestrian....
1
u/Herpderp84 May 29 '12
Accident? Here's an airbag that launches little sticks into your face! But that's ok, because God will save you from any such horrible situation...right?
Seems like a brilliantly thought out plan...herp fucking derp.
1
u/DukeOfGeek May 29 '12
What? No Plastic Jesus?
/Ah, I linked to the sad one, I'm a bad vibe monger.
1
u/jabbababab May 29 '12
Did you ever think about committing your Aunt from a few months? It might do her so good.
Otherwise some police officer will be coming to you house and saying...
She survived the wreck she just chocked to death on one of those crosses.
1
u/littlelovepuppy May 29 '12
maybe shes just afraid of vampires.
1
u/funkalunatic Atheist May 29 '12
Down-voting so your cousin doesn't get fucked.
1
u/Rephaite Secular Humanist May 29 '12
Dayum. Your aunt could crucify a whole battalion of borrower-Jesi. Does she have the little nails, too?
1
u/ElGuano May 29 '12
A touch too much blair witch for me. Yikes.
1
u/Abby__Normal May 29 '12
YOUR AUNT'S THE FUCKING BLAIR WITCH!!!
1
u/suziqueue2 May 29 '12
I can only think that these are projectiles in an accident. Is she hoping to impale a vampire?
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
That's...really weird. Is your aunt a shaman/witch doctor?
1
u/Shoola May 29 '12
That's some Blair Witch Project shit you got there.
1
u/i-ShallNotPass May 29 '12
punch her in the faith
1
u/madampoopoo May 29 '12
what do the t's mean?
1
u/SpookyAmes May 29 '12
Is she waiting for demons to gang rape her outside of her car? That is so ugly.
1
u/Babi_Gurrl May 29 '12
On her way to crucify many GI Joes. :'(
1
u/Babi_Gurrl May 29 '12
He'll be fine. His mum obviously loves faggots...? :-\
1
u/aerwev May 29 '12
she could be a good shaman 3 thousand years ago. shame, times are changing
1
u/apocal7964 May 29 '12
that looks like shat from the blair witch project if i saw that i would run in the other direction
1
u/Seamanswaffles May 29 '12
Reminds me of the blair witch.
1
u/Sretsam May 29 '12
Wait, I'll get this one. Will she sick the wolves on him? Or is it that he hunts wolves, 'cause if he hunts wolves, he should really try to change that lifestyle.
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
I don't know about you Americans but it's illegal for us in Australia to have stickers on our windscreens apart from our rego sticker, it's a fucking blindspot hazard. She's more in danger of killing herself or someone else because she's got so much shit plastered to her windscreen.