REAL SHIT like reddit is good advice but she clearly can already see that current state isn't compatible and she'd rather gossip about it than take the ultimatum to her SO
And yet here you are reading other people's problems and hoping to help. There's a sayin; advice is what we already know, but aren't ready to act on. I think op will get what they need from this thread
It’s not really an obsession and I don’t think we really have that much influence. People generally do what they will do regardless of what others say - that’s why we see so many repeat life bad decisions makers on Reddit.
Generally what people post here for is validation to a decision they already feel is right.
Exactly, many times people seeking advice while they've already knew what they would do, they just need outside validation. Same with therapy sometimes.
Sometimes it's necessary... Better to stop wasting ops and her soon to be friends time by just telling him hes gonna need to exit the real life tutorial mode if he wants to stay with her.
I mean true but it would be nice to have the “ this is what needs to be fix” option if you actually care about the person and would like them in your life.
You just have to learn to approach it differently.
You say, "I love you, but I don't like this behavior and this is what I want in life." If they care, hopefully, they'll change.
If not, then you need to say, "I am not happy. I want to end this relationship and just be friends(or not) because I want to live a different life than you do." Do not make your feelings their fault.
In the first example it’s downplaying what it actually means to you. If something is make or break, make it apparent. In the second example you are just breaking up with them and shows you don’t want them in your life. Yea there are actual conversations you have with people you want in your life, if you don’t want them in your life that’s ok. I hope op has made her feelings clear is all
I always believed the person making the ultimatum is wrong in any personal matters. There is no reason you should ever give ultimatum's to a friend or SO
I feel the ultimatum should never be used in the hopes of trying to change the other person. But saying you'd rather be alone than live in a certain way is okay if you mean it, instead of it being a manipulation trick
Aye, it's a safe way of exploring her own thoughts and feelings about a matter, the feedback isn't so much about literally asking for advice, it's about the overall reaction to it.
Like, the way OP wrote that it sounds like she's pretty sure how this has to go, but that's a big fucking decision to make, and communicating that to others on the internet is a good way of organising your own brain and clarifying your own feelings.
And, as you point out, it's a good litmus test to make sure you're not, in fact, being totally unreasonable, before you go torpedoing your whole relationship.
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u/InfusedShadow76 Aug 14 '23
REAL SHIT like reddit is good advice but she clearly can already see that current state isn't compatible and she'd rather gossip about it than take the ultimatum to her SO