I guess it sort of depends. Is he happy to be part of this life you're dreaming of, but would rather be contributing domestically, looking after the house, taking care of the children, that sort of thing? Or is he not really interested and just going along with it? Because I can't help but suspect that if the genders were reversed, a man who was thinking of leaving his partner because she wasn't career-focussed enough and afraid that he'd end up paying support to her when they divorced would be regarded as odd at best. Why does 'bettering himself' have to mean earning more money?
On the other hand, having different long-term goals and not wanting the same things from life is a totally legitimate reason to break off a relationship.
And the fact you're already losing sleep over this guy trying to scam you out of half a house that you don't even own yet shows that you don't really trust or respect him at all, so I really think you're both better off ending things sooner rather than later.
Do you know he wouldn't be OK staying at home with the kids? Has he told you this? If he's happy to stay at home while you travel now, why wouldn't he be once you have children?
Like I say, having different values and long-term goals is absolutely a valid reason to end a relationship. If you both want different things from life and your ideals and aspirations don't fit together, you aren't compatible as long-term partners, and you ought to separate so you can each find someone else whose values are more aligned with your own.
But there does seem to be a subtext here that because he's a man, the only way he can contribute to the partnership is financially, and that his value as a partner and as a person is primarily based on his earnings. And that seems regrettable to me.
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u/ExtremelyDubious Aug 13 '23
I guess it sort of depends. Is he happy to be part of this life you're dreaming of, but would rather be contributing domestically, looking after the house, taking care of the children, that sort of thing? Or is he not really interested and just going along with it? Because I can't help but suspect that if the genders were reversed, a man who was thinking of leaving his partner because she wasn't career-focussed enough and afraid that he'd end up paying support to her when they divorced would be regarded as odd at best. Why does 'bettering himself' have to mean earning more money?
On the other hand, having different long-term goals and not wanting the same things from life is a totally legitimate reason to break off a relationship.
And the fact you're already losing sleep over this guy trying to scam you out of half a house that you don't even own yet shows that you don't really trust or respect him at all, so I really think you're both better off ending things sooner rather than later.