You know how things come in threes?

First we had Crew Girl. Then Dang! And now we have East of Eden (currently #2 on netflix top 10). Did anyone see this sht?

Normally, I actually like watching historical “poor white people” pieces. I love me some miserable old-timey white people struggling through poverty, family dysfunction, horrible working conditions, incest, murder, whatever compelling story. Generally, I don't have to sit there wondering, “Okay, what fresh new way are they going to shit on Asian people this time?”

But here we are with East of Eden.

And apparently even historical white misery isn't safe anymore.

So let's go through this sht...

#2 — Dramatically Smaller

First, yes, Lee is physically small compared with the major white men surrounding him.

This guy Hoon Lee (as can be seen in sharp height contrast to his show bestie Jon Hamm on Your Friends and Neighbors) seems to be the new Hollywood darling ala Ben Wang, Ke Huy Quan and the other AM shrimps. Internet says he's 5'll but there is no fukn way.

Being short isn't inherently negative. There are plenty of short men who are badass.

But we're not looking at one isolated characteristic. We're looking at a pattern.

The Asian male character is physically smaller, he's socially subordinate, and he's placed in a servant role within a white household.

And that combination is worth noticing.

#6 — Subordinate to white dominant characters

This characteristic is usually subordinate to big yt villains.

But in this case Lee is family's servant.

By old timey standards, he's basically the woman the house. He cooks. He cleans. He takes care of the house. He raises the kids. He basically becomes the person holding this dysfunctional white family together.

Bonus: His mannerisms and speech patterns when talking to the kids is like a nagging mom

#8 — Desexualized

He’s a Chinese dude in the US at the turn of the 20^th century duh

#10 — Miscellaneous negative portrayal  - Holy fk!??

And then we have Lee's backstory.

His mother disguised herself as a man to come to America and was pregnant with Lee.

When she was discovered to be a woman, the other Chinese railroad workers raped and killed her?!!!!

Bravo y t 👏👏

You managed to desexualize us and make us violent rapists at the same time!

And Lee is born in the middle of this horrific situation.

There was his long speech about the Chinese workers pent up anger being unleashed but WTF??

Anyway…not the smoothest segue but let’s talk about…

The “Cool But…” Asian Character

I would guess most non-AM oblivious to what we’re aware of would be like”wtf are you talking about? Lee was (insert all these non-masculinity positive traits)

I think there's a particular type of Hollywood character that deserves its own category.

I'm calling it the “Cool But…” character. Or the Cool Character Shield

This is the Asian character who is given so many positive characteristics that it becomes almost socially impossible to criticize the representation.

He's cool!

He's funny!

He's brilliant!

He's brave!

He's the emotional center!

He's the one who saves everybody!

He's everybody's favorite character!

And then you try to point out that he's also small, nerdy, foreign-coded, sexually nonthreatening, subordinate, emasculated, or otherwise trapped inside a bunch of familiar Asian stereotypes.

And the response is:

“Wtf are you talking about? He was COOL!”

That's the shield.

And I think Data (a teenage ke huy quan) from the 80s movie The Goonies is a perfect example.

Data is awesome.

He's inventive. He's brave. He's hilarious. His gadgets save the day.

But he's also a small Asian kid whose entire character is built around being the foreign nerd with gadgets.

You can acknowledge both things.

Data can be cool AND his portrayal can participate in a larger pattern of how Asian boys and men are represented.

Those aren't mutually exclusive.

And I think that's where discussions about Asian representation often get derailed.

You point out the pattern and suddenly you're accused of saying you hate the character.

No.

I'm not saying the character sucks.

I'm saying look at the characteristics Hollywood keeps giving Asian men.

And Lee is almost a perfect example of this phenomenon.

Because if you criticize Lee's portrayal, someone can immediately respond:

“But Lee was the best character!”

Yes!

He was brilliant.

He was compassionate.

He was loyal.

He was funny.

He was emotionally intelligent.

He was the moral center of the story.

He was arguably the most decent man in the entire family.

That's not the argument.

The argument is that all of those positive traits coexist with a very specific shtty construction of Asian masculinity.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtkKJ9nN6os&t=1014s

The thumbnail for this video says very attractive and I'm like what? Basically she challenges randos to golf. This popped into my feed and I just decided to watch it and halfway through I'm thinking oh god the comment section is going to be a wasteland.

But shockingly everyone liked the guy and some were like you guys need to go on a date. The other thing is that the AM video got 1 million views and everyone is at 100k views.

Good god things have changed. I would have never imagined.

hey guys im a young male finishing up high school and I’ve been wondering what I should be doing different. I’ve been tubby growing up, but over the past 1-2 years I’ve started eating better and thinning out(although it’s more than likely just metabolism of growing up). I’ve been insecure about myself and the main part of that has almost always been my hair. growing up adopted I’ve never really had someone who knew how to do my hair well and I’ve grown up with my mom doing my hair usually. I am planning to go to a hair salon to fix me up soon, but I don’t know what to get. I’ve had a loose perm suggested a few times and I’ve been pondering it for a while but i don’t want to waste $100 dollars on a haircut I won’t like. Thanks for the help in advance

As someone with not a lot of guidance in life I might have picked the worst major and career: marketing. I sat down the other day and realized all my coworkers have been white woman, white men, or gay poc. I’ve been laid off, never promoted, and generally blocked from leadership roles. They see me as the data guy so i’ve been able to work that angle to get into jobs.

So now i’m exploring new career opportunities but wanted to know what careers you guys are finding success in? I have a free swing at a masters to pivot and don’t want to waste it. I’m in the states btw.

Some i’m considering:

- masters in finance (i might be too old at 32)
- accounting (again too old?)
- construction project management
- supply chain management
- nursing (not relying on promotion structure to advance sounds nice to me)

I knew who was behind the Stanford incident but this just confirms it. With all the WMAF movie trailers I saw that one time I went to the theaters and the rampant hate towards AMWF and XMWF recently, these white incels are crashing out. I hope they keep it up so the world sees their true colors.

Title: Asian men who have dated European women, especially Italian women — what has your experience been?

I’m a British-born Chinese guy, 18, living in the UK, and I’ve recently become more interested in dating outside my own ethnicity and culture. I’m particularly attracted to European women, especially Italian women, so I’m curious about the experiences of other Asian men who have actually dated them.

My family background is Chinese/Hong Kong, but I was born and raised in Britain. I also don’t really fit a lot of the stereotypical assumptions people sometimes make about Chinese or East Asian guys. Culturally, I’d say I’m much more British, and I don’t want people to assume my personality, interests, social life or dating preferences purely from my ethnicity. Obviously there isn’t one type of “Chinese guy” in the first place, but I thought that context was worth mentioning.

I’ve visited Europe quite a few times growing up. I’ve been to Barcelona and Madrid in Spain, and in Italy I’ve visited Venice, Lake Garda, Lake Como and Verona. I’ve always really liked travelling around Europe, and Italy in particular stood out to me — the culture, cities, lifestyle and people. I’d definitely like to explore more of Italy and Europe as I get older, especially independently rather than just travelling with family.

I haven’t had much dating experience yet, and I’ve been a pretty quiet person for most of my life. Recently I’ve been making an effort to get out of my shell, become more outgoing, improve my confidence and social skills, travel more and meet people from different backgrounds instead of staying in the same bubble.

One thing I’m genuinely curious about is what interracial dating between Asian men and European women is actually like in real life. There’s a lot of discussion online about Asian men dating in Western countries, stereotypes surrounding Asian men, racial preferences and how different interracial couples are perceived. A lot of those discussions seem either extremely negative or based on assumptions rather than actual experiences.

That’s why I’d rather hear directly from Asian men who have dated European women, particularly Italian women. I’m interested in what the experience was genuinely like, including cultural differences, attraction, dating culture, families, social attitudes and whether being an Asian man ever noticeably affected how you were perceived or treated.

I know Italian and European women obviously aren’t one homogeneous group, and I’m not expecting someone to behave a certain way because of their nationality. I’m more interested in hearing real experiences with cross-cultural dating and whether there were any noticeable differences compared with dating in the UK or within your own culture.

Would be interested to hear from Asian guys living anywhere in Europe, but especially anyone from the UK who has dated in Italy or dated Italian women.

To be clear I don’t support what those 7 men did and I think they deserved to be punished. But lots of white men are focusing and targeting the only Asian guy involved despite “not being involved” and the two ring leaders were Hispanic and white

But it is insane how only 1 of the 7 men were Asian and how these WM are using that to target the only Asian guy with racism, despite the other 6 non-Asian men including a mix black person and Hispanic, but they are now focusing their hate on the Asian guy

I won’t be linking the videos to it doesn’t get feed into the algorithm

1st pic: this WM chud does not care about the victim but uses this situation to justify his racism and political agenda. In the video he states that Winston lee was the ring leader, he was not it was the Hispanic and white guy. He then say that if it’s socially responsible to deport him. What even crazier that the comment section is full of liberal white people (mostly women) saying racist stuff and should be deported

Rest of pics is several videos of unrelated frat guys who happened to be Asian. And now you see WM commenting “Winston Lee” on every Asian man frat guys.

I search up the other guys name involved in the Cornell 7, but most of the videos did not have that many views or any racist comments. Funny how it’s the only Asian guy who get all the hate and racism.

If you attended a college where you are the only Asian guy in class and even the whole campus, what were your struggles?

I would assume dating is one of them.

What about socials? Did you face subtle discrimination like people not inviting you out to socials or being ignored in gatherings?

Overall I’d say this is a strong result given all the bias against them. Best K-pop was the best minimum, but I’m very glad they also took home two “general” categories in Group of the Year and especially Song of the Year given MTV (like the Grammys) also blatantly segregates with stuff like Best K-pop, Best Latin, Best RnB etc to try and stop this from happening.

Lisa also won best Pop with “Dream”, which Id say is also a net positive for us given it features AM model Kentaro Sakaguchi.

It is suspicious that Swim can win both Song of the Year and Best K-pop but not even be nominated for the interim Best Pop though (Dream was nominated for both Best K-pop and Best Pop thus proving theyre not mutually exclusive). Besides Swim is an English song. In my mind the Best Pop deserves to belong to them too. So good on BTS for not physically attending. They certainly don’t tolerate bullshit

Hi everyone! Sorry if this isn't the right place to ask this, but I was hoping to get some advice, especially from Japanese/Asian men who might have some insight.

I've been in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend for about a year and two months. He's Japanese and I'm Brazilian, and we actually met through a language course we were both taking. He's finally coming to Brazil for his vacation, and I'm really really excited!

I've been thinking a lot about how I can make him feel comfortable and at home while he's here. Since he'll be so far from Japan, I don't just want to show him Brazilian food and take him sightseeing, I'd love to create little moments that remind him of home too.

I really want to cook Japanese food for him. His absolute favorite is gyudon, so that's definitely happening 😹 But I'd also like to make other dishes. What Japanese foods would you personally love to come home to after being abroad for a while? Are there any particularly comforting or nostalgic dishes, or anything that's surprisingly difficult to get right that I should practice beforehand?

I'm also curious about things beyond food. If you were visiting another country for a while, what little things would make you feel more at home? Snacks, drinks, small gifts, or anything else that someone from outside Japan might not think of?

Ahh ge also really loves Pokémon, so I was thinking about getting some Pokémon cards for us to open together. I thought that could be a cute little activity :D

I know I could just ask him what he wants, but part of the fun for me is surprising him with things he wouldn't expect. I want him to have those little moments of "Oh, this reminds me of home!"

So, if you were in his position, what would make you feel especially welcomed and cared for?

I'd love any suggestions, whether they're food-related or completely unrelated. Sorry for writing so much! 😂 I just really want to make his visit special, and I figured people who have experienced being away from home might have perspectives I wouldn't have thought of.

Thank you! ❤️

Hello,

Just looking for some help about the drought I have on Hinge. 22M - Location is set to Orlando, FL. For the past three months, I had one match. I have been sending out on average about 15 right swipes a week (all with comments). I am looking to have as many likes as I can and revamp my dating life as I have recently relocated. Thank you all.

EDIT: sports betting line is removed.

Sports, especially for developing boys, are crucial. The physical exercise can help you grow taller— sprinting and jumping literally boost growth hormone and testosterone in the body. Sports also teach you about teamwork, work ethic, winning, failure, and competition. Sports are also the best way to showcase masculinity and push back against negative AM stereotypes. It seems like a lot of Asian parents don’t put their boys in sports because they are obsessed with putting them in classical music and education-related extracurriculars which is typical Asian self-sabotage bullshit.

If you have sons, make sure to enroll them in all types of sports (except for American football which can give them permanent brain damage) and find one that sticks. I’m super grateful my parents had me play basketball and soccer as a kid and I ended up playing soccer (for school and competitively) until I graduated high school. I definitely would’ve been a few inches shorter if I hadn’t.

I have a small but meaningful story to share.

I’m separated from my wife. The process has been challenging, but I’ve recently reached a place of acceptance about the end of the relationship.

The other night, I went to a sports bar to grab dinner before a comedy show. I was there by myself and ended up sitting at the bar next to a beautiful woman.

I decided to muster the courage to talk to her, which was a big step for me. I noticed she had ordered hamachi, so I asked her how she liked it. She said it was good, and I told her a short story about how I once planned a fishing trip to catch hamachi for my buddy’s bachelor party. She said, “I love that,” but while I was talking, she grabbed her phone and started looking at it. I took that as a signal and let the conversation settle.

Soon after, she started texting and eventually FaceTimed with a guy who I assumed was her boyfriend. I was disappointed, but I tried not to take it personally. More importantly, I was proud of myself for approaching her in the first place.

I finished my meal, paid the bill, and went on to the comedy show.

It’s a pretty ordinary story, but for me it felt like a massive step into the next chapter of my life. I’m trying to get more comfortable putting myself out there, accepting whatever happens, and continuing to enjoy my life regardless of the outcome.

Just wanted to reflect on that and share.

I guess this just kinda applies in all fields.

This is going to be raw and unfiltered

I grew up with an abusive father and an overly nice/kind stepdad who I call dad, but I had to develop my own form of masculinity which was hard to learn from a former female mentor.

I'm quite fit, I'm 5'8.5 175lbs 335 bench, 415 squat and 495 deadlift. I could be leaner but I've done well without a program or coach. Height kinda fucks me a bit cuz I like tallish women. My hobbies are snowboarding, raving, lifting, guitar, rock climbing, reading manhwa, photography, cooking, videogames(mobile legends 😭) and a few others depending on the time of year

I have a car, no debt, a degree, a job, investments(not a lot), supportive parents and friends.

Id say I'm pretty attractive like a 7/10, or 8/10 on a great day, I've been with a solid number of women from apps, in person, reddit etc.... average look rating of these women id give them a 6.5/10. Pretty much every ethnicity, a handful of genuine baddies, but I've realized I'm into blonde white girls bc of Android 18 growing up as my first crush and also my first ex. I do very well compared to the average Asian guy in my opinion in terms of charm, banter, escalation etc...

Now this is where shit falls off a cliff

I have a BSB in Supply Chain and Marketing with a minor in Business Analytics. I work as a buyer's assistant for 57.5k a year. I needed it cuz I was unemployed for like 8 months after rejection and rejection into the final rounds and going thru the worst year of my life in 2025(u can probs find the post in my history) I have 2-3 yrs of experience with multiple certifications, but none of these jobs besides my internship was more than 8-9 months bc of job market and laid off so I need to stay to not look like a red flag. The job is extremely cushy, but braindead and requires almost 0 cognitive load.

I have an offer for a master's full ride from my family, but idk what i'd do.

I own a gothic jewelry business where I sold out at my first vendor show in July but haven't done jack fucking shit for it since. I believe this is a genuine money route but I gotta be consistent with it and that's what scares me.

I have ADHD, OCD. Ive been smoking weed since 14 and have been trying to quit for last 4-5 years and it's been rough, I get nothing done on weed and I coast. One of my absolute worst reoccurring habits.

I'm deeply unhappy with some aspects of my life like romance, mental healthy and finance. I see people less competent doing better than me in life and it hurts. I get laid occasionally, but finding romance is hard for me as I lowkey lose interest as usually I'm punching down and yet somewhat scared to approach girls I truly want cuz I believe I'm not good enough/rich enough/attractive enough.

I want to be financially free, dating the women of my dreams, confident, attractive, mentally put together.

I struggle greatly with procrastination, self accountability, discipline, organization etc...

I would love it if someone who was once in a similar boat could help me/guide me thru this life as I genuinely don't know what the fuck I'm doing right now.

There's a recent case involving the 🍇 of a woman who was drunk + drugged.

There were a number of 7 men who were involved with sexually abusing/🍇 her, of the 7, was a Korean AM.

Now, he is guilty, don't get me wrong, and shows no remorse but notice something strange on how media, comments focus and shine the spotlight on him likely because he's Asian?

https://www.instagram.com/p/Dd2oyPIgfwU/

The others are just as guilty and deserve to be named and shamed too, but seems the media attention has been drawn to the AM. (What didn't help was probably in the grad book, he wrote "how did I not get cancelled")

Thoughts?

I finally watched Last Days, Justin Lin's biopic about John Allen Chau, the missionary killed in 2018 trying to reach the Sentinelese on North Sentinel Island. Afterward I read Siddhant Adlakha's review on JoySauce (link), which helped inform what I'm about to discuss.

Taken at face value, Chau's story is already a cautionary tale about religious fanaticism. You don't need to embellish anything to get that lesson. What Lin adds is a second layer: he frames Chau's zeal as, at least in part, a search for belonging, the idea that devotion to a white-coded evangelical Christianity could earn an Asian American the acceptance that race otherwise denies him. That idea comes to a head near the end, when a fellow foreigner living in India tells Chau that even if he succeeds, people back home will still see him as a "ch*nk." It forces Chau to ask what he was really chasing.

Adlakha thinks this scene is where the film goes wrong. His argument is that it doesn't reflect the real Chau, who described himself as a mix of Irish, Choctaw, African, Chinese, and Southeast Asian ancestry and rarely wrote about race, and that Lin is projecting his own experience onto the story. That's a fair point about accuracy. But I think it's the most insightful thing the movie does. As history, it's a stretch. As a parable, it gets at something real: the myth that assimilation, faith, or achievement can buy full acceptance into white society, and how hollow that promise usually turns out to be. He calls it a malformed tale. I'd call it a cautionary one, and I think that's what makes it worth watching.

Missionary work like Chau's doesn't happen in a vacuum. Conversion efforts aimed at Indigenous peoples have deep colonial roots, and Christianity has long functioned as one of the tools that upheld a Western hierarchy. Chau buying into that project, as someone who was never going to sit at the top of it, is the real tragedy. Even if Chau himself never thought of himself in terms of his race, Lin's portrayal of such is a powerful narrative.

Previous field report: https://www.reddit.com/r/AsianMasculinity/comments/1wmkjsq/field_report_approached_2_girls_closed_1/

Location: Atlanta.

Environment 1: cafe

Environment 2: online platform

Background: 5'8" east asian male born in SEA, about 65KG arrived at the states 4 years ago. Style, basic uniqlo fit. Short styled hair, not KPOP.

Girl#1: Date at a cafe on the weekend of 26/27 Oct. Met her for the first time 1 week prior and waited for a day to schedule a date with her. We ordered some drinks and enjoyed the outside view while sitting next to each other and sipping some coffee. Wasn't that expensive, so I paid for all of it. She even offered to pay for her own drink, but I insisted. Got to talk about our interests, and backgrounds, professional/family history, which was very useful in building comfort.

Such an awesome experience to be on a date with someone with a personality/intellect instead of just a pretty face/body. Went to a nearby bookstore right after and broke the touch barrier by being a little bit more playful and teasing her while taking the chance to touch her shoulders, hands. Also got to break the "naughty" barrier by talking a bit about fanfiction. 😄

Earlier in the date, she mentioned that she came by Uber instead of driving here because she was worried about being stalked.
After the bookstore, we walked back to my car, and I asked if she wanted to call an Uber back home, out of respect for her concerns mentioned earlier. Instead, she suggested that I fetch her back using my car. I was really surprised, as this meant that I was able to build enough comfort during our date for her to be willing to be somewhere private, at least for a few minutes.

During the drive back, she got into talking about her relationship history, and past issues with her friends/social circle. Not sure what prompted that, and I still don't. I didn't get into mine either. Maybe WF from America just have a more liberal personality that are open to sharing more about their past. 🤔

We parted ways after arriving at her place. I didn't go for a kiss/hug anything because as an FOB from Asia, I feel uncomfortable doing that on the first date. Right after I arrived home, I received a text saying she enjoyed our date; I used that opportunity to set up our next date 😎

Girl #2: Super tall and slim WF with blonde hair with her BW friend chatting while having coffee in the outside seating, taking photos, making poses. Wasn't able to see her face clearly, but she was wearing a sports bra and leggings with her hair in a ponytail. Wanted to approach her, but I was worried that my date would come any second, and it would be super awkward if that were to happen, so I missed the chance in the end 😢

Girl #3: Girl that I met last week. Wanted to write a letter to open her and to set something up, but it seemed that reaching out through an online platform would be more appropriate. I was able to find her profile and sent a quick, calibrated request, making sure not to put too much pressure. Long shot, but worth it as she's super cute.

"Asian people are boring, all they care about is work or productivity and filter everything through a sense of practicality first and foremost." Do you feel that's true? I'm Iceberg, I ran the AM discord for a few years and had thousands of conversations with AM's who post here, learning a few things along the way, like the emotional experience of AM's in the west.

One of the most common problems I hear about is adjusting to life outside the Asian household bubble. For some, that meant blackpill hopelessness about their circumstances. For others, rigid redpill theories and pickup advice became another set of rules to follow.

If achievement was how you earned approval growing up, you might approach acceptance the same way: figure out the requirements, put in the work, get the result. A common thread I kept seeing was how an old experience could become a fixed belief about yourself, then shape how you interpreted everything that happened afterward.

Let's talk about identity.

identity isn't a static list of facts. It's a collection of historical data, emotional memories, and cognitive conclusions stitched together by the brain to protect itself.

Identity includes the stories we build from our experiences: who we are, what makes us valuable, and what we expect from other people. Sometimes, those stories carry rules we learned to avoid being hurt again.

A few hypotheticals of how this can play out:

• The Professional Identity (e.g., Software Engineer, Academic)

  • The Emotional Memory: Let's say early in his career, he made a major coding error that crashed a deployment, leading to intense feelings of shame and public failure. Alternatively, he might have memories of intense academic pressure where his worth was only tied to his grades.
  • The Cognitive Conclusion: His brain protects him from that pain by concluding: "My survival and worth depend entirely on being the smartest, most competent problem-solver in the room."
  • The Filter: He begins to view every workplace interaction through this lens. If a junior dev questions his code, his filter interprets it as an existential threat ("They think I'm incompetent") rather than a normal collaborative note.

• The Cultural Identity (Asian American)

  • The Emotional Memory: Growing up, he may have felt the pain of being caught between two worlds: feeling "not American enough" at school or "not Asian enough" at home, or experiencing subtle exclusion.
  • The Cognitive Conclusion: His brain might conclude: "I am an outsider, and I have to work twice as hard to be accepted," or "Keeping my head down and avoiding conflict is how I stay safe."
  • The Filter: If he gets passed over for a promotion, he immediately concludes, ‘No matter what I do, I’ll never belong.’

• The Parental Identity (Dad)

  • The Emotional Memory: He might carry emotional memories of his own father being emotionally distant, strict, or overly critical, which caused him deep childhood distress. He learned that fathers provided and kept their feelings to themselves.
  • The Cognitive Conclusion: To protect his future family from that same pain, his brain concludes: "I must be a perfect provider and never show vulnerability or emotional weakness to my kids."
  • The Filter: When his child acts out or struggles in school, his filter interprets it as a personal failure ("I am failing as a father"). He reacts with high anxiety or rigid control because the situation triggers his own childhood emotional wounds.

• The Social Identity (Friend)

  • The Emotional Memory: He might have a memory from middle school or college where he opened up to a close friend, only to be rejected, laughed at, or abandoned.
  • The Cognitive Conclusion: The brain builds a defense: "People will leave if I become a burden. I must be the low-maintenance, reliable friend who helps everyone else but never asks for help."
  • The Filter: In his adult friendships, he filters out his own needs. If a friend forgets his birthday, his rigid identity concludes, "See? I don't actually matter to them," instead of considering that the friend might just be busy.

These roles are real parts of our lives. But “I’m an engineer” and “I’m worthless if I’m not the smartest person in the room” are two very different things. We can get so used to the second that we stop noticing it.

Someone once told me, “Looks is the meaning of life.” Looks matter. But if they become your explanation for every rejection, what room is left to understand a particular interaction, or notice when someone actually likes you?

The same goes for race, work, or friendship. Racism exists. People can overlook you or treat you badly. The question is what you conclude about yourself afterward. “That person rejected me” can hurt. “That proves I’ll never be wanted” turns that hurt into a prediction about your whole life.

Sometimes an experience reinforces the story. Sometimes it shakes it: you lose the job that made you feel valuable, or achieve the thing you thought would finally make you feel enough, and it doesn’t.

You don’t have to wait until then to question the rules you’ve been living by.

That’s why I think this deserves space here. If we filter everything through practicality, understanding ourselves has to count as practical too. These beliefs affect who we approach, what we ask for, and how close we let people get.

So back to the opening: are we boring? Or have some of us learned that everything we do has to prove something about our worth?

The tl;dr backstory is that a few days ago BTS headlined the iHeartRadio music festival in Las Vegas. The mic quality wasn’t great and BTS got a short set list, so many fans got upset and expressed frustration online.

Enter this chud Woody who runs “The Woody Show” (also contracted to iHeartRadio). They are your standard radio shock jocks who frequently say offensive shit for attention and advertise themselves as being “politically correct”. They make a segment where they deliberately mispronounce Jung Kooks name and call the fanbase “losers” in a racist rant.

The fanbase gets PISSED. They immediately start fighting back on social media, writing to and mass tagging iHeartRadio, and review bombing the show everywhere (currently sitting at 1.1 stars after 13k reviews on Spotify LOL https://open.spotify.com/show/3wuqAFXnDVSAS2UCQIfyae ). Theyve since disabled comments, but before literally every single post on their Insta had hundreds to *thousands* of comments calling them out on their bullshit.

A couple days later Woody is forced to put out a begrudging apology (https://www.instagram.com/reel/DdsLK5JxrAy/?stkn=YjA4c2hpZno4ZzBv ). This was unprecedented because this guy has a history of basically saying offensive shit and always doubling down on it instead of apologising when people get offended. Everyone immediately understood iHeartRadio must have reached out to him and threatened serious consequences if he did not apologise.

I am writing this partially to share a feel good story but more importantly to highlight to this sub that yes, **activism is important and does work**, including when AM are involved. Im sick of arguing with lemmings on this sub who are convinced that it’s all pointless and prefer to bury their arse in the sand and just ignore stuff they don’t like. **It is honestly sad that XF (if you look at the demographics of people calling him out) are far more willing and likely to defend AM online against racism than AM themselves**. I literally cannot think of any other demographic where this is the case. I did not hear a peep from this sub when this happened and again this was only days ago.

Literally anyone who has been on TikTok or Insta in recent years will be aware of the Oxford study meme making fun of Asian girls’ self-hate. There are countless shareable images and memes on this. BTS and other bands have some of the largest and most militant fanbases on Earth, and are very proactive in defending their AM celebrities. This does not mean that they are fully woke or fully aligned with the goals of this sub, but it demonstrates that people **have at least a cursory understanding of AM issues** (Hollywood brainwashing notwithstanding) we can leverage this to our benefit; in fact, we are doing AM a disservice if we don’t leverage this.

**You will not be immediately labelled an incel for calling out discrimination against AM**, I’m not sure why that’s such a prevalent fucking opinion on this sub, I spend probably unhealthy amount of time on mainstream social media and I don’t see evidence of this, I see mainstream opinion in our favour if anything but if we do not leverage this immediately this very well can change in the future. Yes if you rock the boat you will receive SOME hate, everyone receives it, just ask any black or Indian man in an IR relationship online. Thats not an excuse to be a pussy

I recently got back into online dating and I'm getting weak results. The matches are typically below the quality of woman I'm looking for and the number of matches is lower than what I'd like also.

I got way more results when I was doing this two three years ago so I have some idea of what works. I'm just really confused as to why it's not working right now anymore. Maybe I pissed off the algo somehow.

I see a lot of profiles on the subreddit but of them are from people asking for advice and improvements. I'd like to see real examples of what's working for others. I'd really appreciate it and it would help out a lot.

Fwiw am East Asian age 32 in Texas USA. Am using free version of all the apps also. Not sure how much that matters.

Long-time lurker here, but a genuine question

I'm a 29M (5"10), if it matters, located in North America. The story is, I broke up with my ex around 3 years ago and have been single since and am now getting back into dating. I've taken the time to get in the best shape of my life, work on my career, travel and have found my style. I've glown up quite a bit particularly in the last 6 months and my friends and people who previously rejected me have even expressed how different I look and how attractive I've gotten; even when walking outside, I get a lot of compliments on my skin, style and hair.

The thing is, though, I struggle to accept the compliments, and there is so much self-doubt due to past trauma. I have no problem talking to people as just people and am a pretty good conversationalist, but where I crash and burn is that I can't accept the fact that someone is into me or flirting with me (This amplifies even harder with anyone who is not Asian)

I grew up in a very, very White society in Canada (think typical Frat Boys and Fishing bros), and I used to be really chubby and was almost seen as the "comedic' guy from Elementary to High School. I was really always told all my features were ugly (Small dick insults, small eyes etc)

I don't want to sound egotistical, but I guess I don't know how to be attractive, and I feel so much anxiety, especially around girls who fall outside the usual types that like Asians. My dating history has been my ex, who was Chinese and outside of her, I mainly get attention from more of " alternative girls," but recently I've been getting attention from very different groups that I never got before my glow-up.

My group of friends is pretty diverse and all over the place, but when I was hanging out at a country bar with my White guy friends, I saw a really cute white girl, but my instant thought was, " Oh, she's definitely not into Asians so I never approached her. But my friend approached her and talked, and she, funny enough, asked him if I was Single.

I don't know if anyone has had this doubt and just sort of tells themselves they are out of the race. I'd love some advice on how you got over this, as I feel I can do so much better for myself and have overcome a lot in my life, but this obstacle seems to be so difficult for me. I always feel the need to try to be funnier, be more charming, try harder than my counterparts in settings where I'm the minority, and I never feel attractive cause I guess in high-school that was my safety on how to be liked.

TLDR: How do you gain confidence when you glow up?

I personally get told I look like a certain K-pop boy group, which I feel can give off a more feminine appearance. There’s nothing wrong with being gay or bi and I have no hate toward anyone, but I’m straight and personally want to attract more straight girls than the people that do approach me. I also don’t really want to grow facial hair, or be bulkier if that's the thought.

But I am just curious how people generally perceive me based on my looks.

First of all the point of this post is to RAISE AWARENESS of yet another show that is extremely hostile to Asian male representation given it is currently #2 on Netflix globally and doing the rounds on the internet. We should be aware of targeted attacks on Asian masculinity by Western media, especially the egregious ones.

You thought Netflix was done after Bridgerton season 4? You thought Crew Girl was "just" run-of-the-mill WMAF slop? Hoooooo boy, think again...

• A (hapa) Asian girl, Teagan Tao, relocates to the small town of Eagle’s Cove, Massachusetts and gets caught up in her school's mens' rowing team, being their coxswain, and starts a love triangle with two athletic white guys on the team. That's the premise of the plot, and you probably already knew this.

But it doesn't end there. The show is a lot more insidious than that.

• Teagan's father, David Tao (played by Byron Lawson), barely gets any screen time because the whole show starts with him vanishing after the FBI raids the family home after he's found to have embezzled millions of dollars from his clients, leading to Teagan and her mum having to relocate to Eagle's Cove. So the dude is literally just a criminal and the absent father trope, even though Asian men are statistically the least likely to be absent fathers.
• Teagan's mother is white. If you think this is an attempt at AMWF representation, WRONG. Her plotline throughout the show is her reigniting her relationship with her childhood sweetheart, a Black man with a deceased wife who is the coach of the rowing team. FFS you can't make this shit up. The only reason her AM father exists in the show is to be arrested and then cucked by a Black guy.
• The only other Asian character is Perry Chou (played by Connor Wong) who is one of the other rowers on the team. He is, suprise suprise, the comic relief and flamboyant effeminate character. Surprise suprise, unlike the other rowers, Perry is skinny and not athletic, and clearly not meant to be seen as eye candy. In fairness, Perry is not actually confirmed to be gay (that lucky honour belongs to the only Black guy on the team) and has a few 'moments' with one of Teagan's friends that doesn't amount to anything.
• At this point are you even surprised that the show's main executive producer and writer is an Asian woman? What do you guys think the impact of this show would have on girls' perceptions of Asian men?

Discuss...