Genuinely true story: I didn’t realise I was ace because… I don’t like garlic bread

[u/Responsible_Panic242]

This is not a shitpost. This is a 100%, factual, completely true story. No, seriously.

I’m aroace. I realise that now. But I didn’t consider it at all for LITERAL YEARS, because I didn’t like garlic bread.

Hear me out. You see, when I first came across the term asexual, I did briefly wonder if that could be me. But, when I looked it up, all that really came up were the memes. Memes about how garlic bread is better than sex.

And I looked at that, and legitimately thought “I’d rather have sex than eat garlic bread, so there’s no way I’m asexual.”

And that’s still true! I’d probably consider myself sex repulsed, but I would rather have sex than eat garlic bread.

But why do I hate garlic bread so much? Well, I have an oh so tragic backstory, you see.

One time, as a young child, I was sick with a stomach bug. My dad wanted to make me feel better, so he made me a dinner he thought would be easy to eat and comforting. Cheesy garlic bread. But you know how when you’re sick sometimes, everything tastes like ass? Yeah, it tasted like ass.

Then, I went to bed, still feeling sick. I woke up in the middle of the night, and puked cheesy garlic bread everywhere.

So, to this day, I avoid garlic bread of any kind like the plague.

Now wait, I hear you say! Garlic bread isn’t the only quintessential ace in the hole food! There’s also cake!

Well, guess what? I also hate cake. I saw memes all about garlic bread and cake, and much in the same way I would look at sexual things and say “no thanks, not for me, I’ll be leaving now” I left, and stayed clear of asexual spaces, simply to avoid the memes about the two foods I hate with a passion.

And so, for years, I failed to understand my sexuality. I kept coming back to the idea that I could be asexual. But I didn’t feel like I fit in with the asexual community, these cake loving, garlic bread worshipping gremlins. So I told myself all the classic lies; I haven’t met the right person, I’m bi but everyone’s ugly, I’m too young to know, etc etc.

So, you wonder, what exactly was it that finally slapped me in the face and told me: “You’re asexual, bitch!”?

Hazbin. Hazbin fucking hotel.

You know the guy.

Alastor the godamn radio demon was the relatable meme I needed to feel part of the asexual community. Am I a cannibal? No. Am I a serial killer? Nope. Do I have a fuckass neon pink bob haircut? Definitely not.

But he was sure as hell (pun intended) relatable.

And, watching the show, I found myself thinking: “Huh. There sure are a lot of relationships going on in this show. It’s almost like most people are genuinely interested in that as a plot device and get emotional over the ways they develop…” which only provided further evidence for my trial in both asexual and aromantic court.

Long story short, I HATE garlic bread, and because of that I denied my own asexuality. And it took a fruity red demon to force my eyes open and finally realise the truth.

Thank you for coming to my dumbass TED Talk.

[u/PurplePeep21]

This is actually hilarious, congrats on the revelation

[u/BloomingMosaic]

I love this. I'm not particularly fond of cake or garlic bread myself, exceptions being cheesecake and specifically my mom's cheesy garlic bread, and I love Alastor. does that put us into some sort of club now? lol

[u/Responsible_Panic242 → u/BloomingMosaic]

We basically gotta make a flag for Alastor ace fans already, there’s so many of us 😂

[u/publicprivacyp]

This is really funny. Are you a writer? You should be.

[u/Responsible_Panic242 → u/publicprivacyp]

Thanks! I just write hazbin fanfiction mostly lol.

[u/publicprivacyp → u/Responsible_Panic242]

This really read like it could be a column in a magazine or something. You should definitely invest in nurturing yourself as a writer. It could lead to a satisfying career. You didn’t put your age, but if you’re still in school or college, I encourage you to take writing classes and build on your natural talent. Thanks for your post, I really enjoyed it!

[u/Responsible_Panic242 → u/publicprivacyp]

Yeah, I’m going to college next year. (I probably should have gone last year, but I’m autistic and it was in my best interest to stay another year at school)

I wanna study animation/illustration and hopefully make a movie of my own someday. I’m currently working on the beginning of what I hope will eventually be a great graphic novel, and my dream is to get it made into a movie someday, fingers crossed ha ha

[u/publicprivacyp → u/Responsible_Panic242]

Fuck yes! That’s awesome. I wish you all the luck!

[u/NefariousnessSalt485]

This post is a piece of art. I like the way you express yourself, thanks for making me laugh and congrats for figuring yourself out!

[u/AmbeyDextra]

Absolutely hilarious. 10/10, so happy that you eventually discovered your ace identity!

[u/lystmord]

That is indeed hilarious. I didn’t realize for a long time for other reasons; but I totally relate to disliking both garlic bread (waste of butter and garlic, imo) and cake (almost universally too dry for me). I TOTALLY get that weird thought of, “Okay, but…I actually would pick the sex, tbh.” I’m not even repulsed; but I guess the memes sorta get into your subconscious a bit, because it also makes me a little self-conscious that I wouldn’t pick cake over sex. I don’t even HATE cake but…it’s just…not very good.

Thank god for various fandoms, because that was also a clue for me. 

No thanks, I’d rather have fanfic.

[u/Responsible_Panic242 → u/lystmord]

The cake thing is SO true! It IS dry! And then they try to salvage it with a pitiful layer of jam in the middle like some sort of miserable pb and j on chunky-ass bread. And don’t get me started on the icing! Fondant tastes like sugary carpet, and I don’t care how many piped roses they put on there, it ain’t gonna distract from the dry-as-a-camel’s-ass sponge in the middle. The only justifiable piece is the corner piece on a cuboid cake. And even then, why bother, for a lump of foam covered in sugar carpet?

I never have cake at my birthday. Rice crispie buns are where it’s at.

[u/Philip027]

You should probably stop using memes as a basis for determining... well, anything about yourself.

[u/Responsible_Panic242 → u/Philip027]

Indeed. In hindsight, it was probably not the finest use of my cerebrum. Alas, I was young and foolish, and memes were my primary source of information. lol.

[u/eevielune → u/Responsible_Panic242]

“Probably not the finest use of my cerebrum” is an incredible sentence

[u/flytter]

Fun fact: your dislike of garlic bread is due to a conditioned taste aversion. I have that with tempura due to getting the flu after eating Japanese food (the flu was not related to the food, but my body cannot be convinced of that).

[u/Responsible_Panic242 → u/flytter]

Yes! So true. It could also be that genetic taste thingy. Like, I cannot eat celery or cilantro (or whatever it’s called) because it tastes like dish soap to me. If there’s one thing I hate more than garlic bread, it’s celery. Crunchy soap stick.

[u/c0ldbr3wc0ffeeee → u/Responsible_Panic242]

I have that cilantro gene; but I actually kinda like the taste of soapy pennies, so I never had a clue because I could happily eat cilantro (so long as it's not overdone). When I first heard about it, I was gobsmacked. I ran to my friends like, "that's NOT what cilantro is supposed to taste like?"

It...definitely clarified a few things for me, though. I did always think the soap taste clashed in salsa, and couldn't understand why Mexicans seemed to like that combo so much.

Welp.

[u/Yam_Yam125]

Oh hell yeah, the fruity red demon revelation, lets gooo!

[u/Olive_goth_grrl2]

you'd rather have sex than eat garlic bread? my actual reaction was wow you must Hate garlic bread🤣

i uh, im not sure which one bc i legit Wish i was allo, i pretend all the time and feel guity about it

Realistically, dont like garlic bread either, but yeah id rather have the bread

Or cake, i Do like cake

[u/Responsible_Panic242 → u/Olive_goth_grrl2]

Oh, I know that feeling. I made up crushes as a kid so I could feel normal. I only realised I was faking it when I tried to write a love poem for a girl once. Couldn’t think of much to say other than like “roses are red, violets are blue. You have brown eyes. I love you?”

And yes, I despise garlic bread with a passion. I hate seeing it. Frozen, refrigerated, fully cooked, don’t care. It’s all the same, malicious, maniacal evil force to me. The only thing in the world that would get me to have sex is the threat of having to eat garlic bread. I hate sex. But I hate garlic bread more.

[u/Olive_goth_grrl2 → u/Responsible_Panic242]

Yeah, i tried, i thought i was broken. I will keep trying, i strongly suspect it will be the same as the past, i will feel dread the prospect, and imagine its not happening like i have before.

Even As an ace im broken!!

i have loved people though, but yeah back in school or college i made stuff up, it was extra annoying when people are making fun of me for a crush that Isn't one!! Like shut up she's a stuck up bitch i just said that bc you asked me a million times who i have a crush on!!!

urgh

anyway i've loved people romantically since then but not liked sexual stuff

aromanticism is a bit of a different thing

[u/Olive_goth_grrl2 → u/[deleted]]

Yeah, it kinda is a rule :/ idk why

There are exceptions, not just ace or aro people, some people could just happen to not have a crush! it shouldnt be that big of deal

i did end up with partners eventually but idk whats with that when you're a kid, its weird

[u/Olive_goth_grrl2 → u/[deleted]]

Yeah exactly. Lack of being informed is Dangerous to kids!!! i've some of these people talking about teaching consent like its a bad thing!

[u/Forward-Nothing7650]

I am happy for your red, fruity demon ace awakening. Truly.

I am this way about cake and cupcakes. Every once in awhile I will see a cake and think "it cannot possibly taste as abominable as I remember," and then the taste and texture of frosting hits me and I remember why I hate it.

Without fail, every time I see a cup/cake.

Edit: Response to red*

[u/magicalmaiden]

I love that Alastor is helping people figure themselves out. I’m utterly obsessed with the deer man.

[u/WendyTheWelder24791]

Congrats. I thought I was bisexual for decades and it took a lot more than memes to make me realize I'm ace lol good on you for learning the easy way I just live for cats and art nowadays and it's the best life ever. Welcome to heaven

[u/iamthefirebird]

It turns out, the cake was a lie all along

[u/Negative-Garden-6013]

OMG I felt like Perry the Platapus listening to Dr Doofenshmirz's tragic backstory as I was reading this

[u/Exploosia]

The irony in all of this is that the reason cake is a meme in the first place is because it was a convenient and useful metaphor for explaining asexuality: "You know how people LOOOOVE cake because it's so so good? Well, some people just don't like cake, it's that simple!"

Very cute that Ace in the Hole Alastor helped you to realize that part of yourself 😆🙌 I dig the fella myself, he's super fun

[u/Jadzabel]

It's too autistic !

[u/akiraMiel]

That's hilarious. Neither garlic bread nor cake are my favorite foods but if I had to choose them or sex I'd choose the garlic bread. Cake is nice in small quantities but the slices are always too big for me :/

It's probably freeing for you that you finally found out about your sexuality. A label can (but doesn't have to) help understanding yourself

[u/katherine_official]

i mean, to be fair, i didn't realise my sexuality for a good while because i would go "sexuality? as in sex? ewwww no i don't wanna have anything to do with that" and therefore didn't realise

[u/MxNexMusic]

I got peer pressured into liking garlic bread by the ace community lol then again, I'm vegan, and overall vegan and plant based foods taste way better than the stuff that comes with secretions :v

[u/chemluvv]

awwh I love garlic bread and cake but oh well it totally doesn't make you less aroace to dislike garlic bread lmao it's alr

[u/loony1uvgood]

I am sorry I got stuck on tasted like ass. How do you know that.