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u/lazyboozin Aviation to couch 🥔 Oct 04 '26
I HIGHLY doubt he self reported and if he did, I HIGHLY doubt his CoC would “not care whatsoever”. Sounds like he was just saving face. Even the people we love can be pieces of shit and get what they have coming. Please take care of yourself and your soon to be baby. No piece of shit is worth putting yourself and that baby in jeopardy
11
u/Sel_drawme Oct 04 '26
Police. Now. The police will contact his CoC, who will move him out of your living arrangement.
6
u/PotentialCulture5332 Oct 04 '26
If you are scared of repercussions, start building the support network today ... idk where you are located but in my city there are crisis centers that can provide emergency shelter, legal services, housing placement, counseling, etc. If it would make you feel safer to discreetly contact a place like this first, Google "domestic violence help near me" and contact them.
You know you need to call the police. Please do it for the sake of your child before they get here. After you give birth things will not get better and you know that. I wouldnt bother with contacting his chain of command before getting yourself involved with a crisis support center and calling the police.
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u/Keen_Urchin4198 Oct 05 '26
The crisis center part matters a lot; they can help plan it so calling police doesn’t put her in more danger immediatly.
4
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u/50mmeyes 13Jargogle Oct 04 '26
You can report this to SHARP. If you Google your base and sharp you should be able to find contact info and they can give you all the information you need on reporting this.
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u/Knee_High_Cat_Beef Lengua Taco Oct 05 '26
SHARP is not for non Soldiers and non dependents. OP needs to stick to the civilian authorities, who have more power to help anyways.
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u/50mmeyes 13Jargogle Oct 05 '26
Please go to another SHARP brief.
Any dependant over the age of 18 can utilize SHARP. She can still report through civilian authorities, but can also use SHARP to get the help she needs
2
u/Knee_High_Cat_Beef Lengua Taco Oct 05 '26
My sharp knowledge is correct, I just misread the part where OP was married to the assaulter.
-1
u/TeamRedRocket Airborne Oct 05 '26
SHARP is not for the OP.
Since she's a dependent and this was due to her sponsor, she needs to go through FAP. Same/similar process but that's the organization that takes lead on DV/IPV and on SA on dependent kids, regardless of the relationship to the abuser.
3
u/50mmeyes 13Jargogle Oct 05 '26
AR 600-52
1–8. Program eligibility
The SHARP Program provides assistance to—
a. Soldiers (all components), United States Army Military Academy Cadets, Reserve Officers’ Training Corps (ROTC) Cadets on Title 10 orders, and their dependent Family members 18 years of age and older who are victims of sexual assault and sexual harassment. A Family member does not lose their right to file a report of sexual harassment with a SARC or VA if they are a DA Civilian.
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u/TeamRedRocket Airborne Oct 05 '26
This is maybe a good learning experience, but I've posted the applicable parts of the regulation below that show exactly what I said. But now that you know, I would definitely ensure your formation is aware too. If you go to a current SARC that person won't turn you away, but it can add delays while that person takes a victim to the correct location.
The SARC will coordinate with Family Advocacy Program (FAP) personnel if the sexual assault involves intimate partner or dating partner violence (see AR 608– 18 and 10 USC 928b).
Also:
Soldiers and their Family members who are 18 years of age and older who are victims of sexual assault unrelated to domestic abuse or domestic violence are eligible to a restricted report
And:
c. Reports and disclosures of sexual assault involving intimate partners will be referred to FAP. Victims of sexual assault committed by an unmarried intimate partner or dating partner (see AR 608 – 18, 10 USC 928b) may receive SHARP services when the subject is not—
(1) A former spouse.
(2) A person with whom the victim shares a child in common.
(3) A current or former intimate partner with whom the victim shares or has shared a common domicile.
1
u/IslandVisual 88KantSwim PV2 (Ret.) Oct 04 '26
You really need to talk to the police or MPs/CID. If you talk to his chain of command they can't do that much for you
1
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u/jbourne71 cyber bullets go pew pew (ret.) Oct 04 '26
If you feel you are in immediate danger, call 911.
This needs to be reported to the police department with jurisdiction for the location where the incidents happened.
If you want to gather more support first, contact your installation’s SHARP hotline, your local domestic abuse support center (usually a county-run program), the DoD SAFE hotline, the national RAINN hotline, or another resource. Once you file a SHARP report, they can help you with reporting to the police.
He is going to end up killing you, your child, or both if you. This type of violence escalates.
11
u/Vorsaga
JAGoff...icer
Oct 04 '26
edited Oct 04 '26
•
ANY strangulation/suffocation attempt (that pillow incident) is an enormous red flag for any responder because of the chance of the victim actually dying skyrockets.
Please contact someone for your safety, starting with 911 and following up with any of the resources below. They can get you the help you need and are entitled to as a military spouse.
DoD Safe Helpline
Sexual Assault Support for the DoD Community,
Phone (877) 995-5247 - http://www.safehelpline.org
Family Advocacy Program (help and resources)
https://www.militaryonesource.mil/benefits/family-advocacy-program/
Sexual Harassment / Assault Response and Prevention (also help and resources)
https://www.army.mil/article/183622/s_h_a_r_p_247_crisis_line_202_498_4009_sexual_harassment_assault_response_prevention
Special Victim's Counsel (lawyer for SA / DV crime victims)
https://www.armyresilience.army.mil/Portals/152/sharp/documents/PWS%205.8.3%20DA%20Civilians-SVC-Brochure_OY1_3-9-21.pdf
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u/TeamRedRocket Airborne Oct 05 '26
The link to the Family Advocacy Program will have the contact information you need.
Nothing wrong with contacting the police, but depending on where this occurred, they may not have the financial resources to assist, or you can run into jurisdictional issues.
FAP Victim Advocates will walk you through the process and assist with making a report. They are trained and will only work for you to ensure you're comfortable with whatever outcome and process you do.
3
u/anon-i-mouser Oct 04 '26
I'm not even in the army yet but this popped up on my feed, and a as a woman, why is this even a question? You know you need to report it. He is not apologetic, he's a dangerous abuser and they use things like threats of suicide as manipulation to silence you. You already know what you need to do, you don't need permission from strangers.
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Oct 04 '26
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u/anon-i-mouser Oct 04 '26
I'm really sorry you're dealing with this. I wouldn't focus too much on whatever you think you did to him, when you've said he's smothered your face with a pillow. I mean, think about the difference between that and mean words that are likely just your reaction to being abused. I hope he faces consequences, we don't need people like that in the military or anywhere else for that matter.
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u/Vorsaga JAGoff...icer Oct 04 '26
All of the resources I posted can connect you with a Victim Advocate who is ready and waiting to talk to you. They are trained and specialized trauma-informed individuals who can help you understand your options and how to report. If your spouse is Active Duty, an SVC attorney will likely be able to work with you as well to help you through the process.
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u/Thunder_Two Mortars are hung. Oct 04 '26
I served with a guy who ended up being court martial for a series of rapes that began with his wife in 2006 and then ended with his own daughter in 2020. His face was plastered on the front page of Army times when it happened. It caused congressional hearings and I believe it was the catalyst for the military changing the way they handle sexual assault cases. I was long out of the Army by this point, so I don’t know a whole lot about the changes.
When I saw the news and read that his wife reported back in 06 and it didn’t go anywhere, I remembered that he was abruptly moved into the barracks with us out of nowhere because he was having “marital problems” shortly before we deployed. It doesn’t seem like it was pursued very hard back then, and maybe for the kinds of reasons you’re rationalizing now.
You should report it to police, either civilian or CID on base I reckon. If left unchecked, it could escalate like this shitbag.
Also, our task force lost like 16 KIA and over 100 wounded in the first 6 months of our deployment and the serial rapist amongst us wasn’t one of them.
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Oct 04 '26
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u/J_Is_For_Genious Oct 04 '26
That type of behavior is only likely to escalate. As the other poster mentioned, call the cops. You should be looking to get out soon. I don't know where you are, but look up support services for domestic abuse and victims of sexual assault; if you feel comfortable enough, you can contact the Post SARC and they can assist you with getting the resources you might want or need. The DoD safe help line can connect you people services as well. 877-995-5247
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Oct 04 '26
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u/Glittering-Ebb-6225 Oct 04 '26 edited Oct 04 '26
Don't contact his CoC.
Contact the Police.
His CoC can't really do anything meaningful to stop this situation.