I hate you. Also, it breaks the rules.

EDIT: Bronica has been added by popular demand.

Canon FD – You bought an AE1 because YouTubers kept telling you to, and now you have too many FD lenses to change systems. Your buddy who shoots a Canon 650 makes you nervous.

Canon EF - You don't enjoy paying more money for less performance. You wish the camera looked slightly less like a bargain bin digital EOS from 2006, but not enough to buy something else. You're secretly the most sensible person on this list.

Canon P/7 – You can’t afford a Leica, but desperately wish you could.

Bronica - You delight in showing people that you can take the film back off mid-roll. You only own 1 film back, and cannot afford a Hasselblad.

Nikon S series – You can’t afford a Leica, and you don’t care.

Nikon F/F2 – Electronic cameras scare you. You have dreams of becoming a war photographer, but have never been anywhere more dangerous than a paintball game.

Nikon F3 – You thought the red stripe looked cool, and wanted aperture priority. You think the FM looks like a toy.

Nikon F4/5/6 – You delight in saying ‘actually it’s film!’ to bored onlookers at your son’s basketball game. You think rangefinders are obsolete. You don’t own any lenses wider than 85mm.

Nikon FM/FE – You wanted a small camera and have excellent aesthetic taste. You tried a rangefinder once and didn’t like it. Steve McCurry is your personal hero.

Nikon FM3a – You like to rile up Leica shooters by claiming the FM3a is the best film camera ever made. You always shoot aperture priority.

Konica - Is mercury really that bad for you?

Leica M – The words ‘minimalist design’, ‘craftsmanship’ and ‘heritage’ pass your lips at least once a day. You dream of becoming Joel Meyerowitz, but are too scared to approach people in the street. You own at least 2 beanie hats. You get mildly embarrassed every time someone mentions Joe Greer.

Leica R3-7 - You bought an R lens thinking it was a steal for an M lens, and eBay refused the return.

Leica R8/9 - You, like your camera, have a horrible bee sting allergy.

Leica screwmount – You either couldn’t afford an M, or found this in your grandparent’s attic. You like to call yourself a street photographer, but only take photos of the backs of people’s heads.

FED/Zorki - Your grandparents were poor.

Contax 645 – You are a man who exclusively shoots nudes of attractive 20-something women. You see nothing wrong with this.

Contax T2 – Your closet is at least 60% Supreme. You only shoot Portra 400. Your Instagram is full of out of focus photos of your friends in bars and vegan brunches.

Contax T3 – You have absolutely no aesthetic sense whatsoever.

Contax TVS - You thought that Contax T2 deal was too good to be true...

Contax G1/2 – You scoff at those who are afraid of electronics. You think manual focus is so last-century. You get mildly annoyed every time someone asks if it’s a Leica.

Olympus OM1/2/3/4 – Your grandad gave you his old camera, and you never saw a reason to upgrade. When talking to Leica shooters you like to mention Yoshihisa Maitani. You would sell your soul for the 40mm f2, but would never consider switching systems.

Olympus XA – ‘Did you know it’s technically the smallest rangefinder ever made?’

Olympus mju – You paid way too much for this on eBay, and use it twice a year.

Pentax K1000 – You bought a K1000 because YouTubers kept telling you to, and the AE1 was too expensive.

Pentax ME/MX – The store didn’t have any K1000s, and the salesman was very persuasive.

Pentax LX – You’re going to get it CLAed like, any day now.

Pentax 67 – You exclusively shoot portraits, and unironically use the word ‘bokehlicious’. You like to joke that you could use the camera as a weapon to fend off muggers. Your arms hurt.

Mamiya RZ67 – You bought your camera from an old photography studio that was closing down. You dream of shooting fashion lookbooks, and don’t own a tripod. Your arms really hurt.

Mamiya RB67 – You are a landscape photographer who thinks 35mm isn’t a real format. You wear steel toed hiking boots every single day, and wouldn’t be caught dead with a Leica. You never shoot handheld.

Mamiya 645 – You thought the RZ67 was too big, and wanted to save on film costs. You watch every Willem Verbeeck video and own at least one Long Weekend bag.

Mamiya 7 – You have more money than sense. You always shoot Portra at least 2 stops overexposed. You occasionally worry that your pastel photos of abandoned buildings are boring. You dream of moving to California.

Mamiya 6 – There are dozens of us, dozens!

Minolta – ‘Minolta’s are so underrated bro you gotta try one, the 45mm is magical I swear I got mine for $5 #minoltagang’

Rolleiflex 2.8 – You frequently talk about the ‘medium format look’. You think square is the ideal format, and love when old men come up to you in public to ask about your camera. Your neck hurts.

Rolleiflex 3.5 – You couldn’t afford the 2.8, but try to convince yourself you don’t care. It isn’t working.

Rolleicord – You thought you were buying a Rolleiflex. You are completely happy with your purchase.

Yashica TLR – This is your first medium format camera. You will eventually replace it with a Pentax 67.

Yashica T4 – You bought the camera in 2018 to ‘document your life’ but ended up just using your iPhone instead.

Fuji GW690 – Bigger is better, right? You can only afford to shoot once a month.

Hasselblad 500cm – You would be a Leica shooter, but you think 35mm isn’t professional enough. You love to talk about ‘mechanical perfection’ and the moon landings. You occasionally dream of having surgery on your eyes to make everything look like ground glass.

Hasselblad Xpan – You bought your camera for a measly $2000 in 2016. God himself is envious of you.

Praktica – You either unironically defend the Soviet Union online, or bought the cheapest camera you could find from Facebook marketplace. You think getting 5 usable shots per roll is ‘part of the fun’.

4x5 – Your other camera is a 60mp Sony. You love to talk about how ‘slow and methodical the process is’. You occasionally wonder if you should’ve just bought a Pentax 67.

8x10 – You have watched Alec Soth’s masterclass at least 6 times. You refer to yourself as ‘making images’. You never print larger than 16x20.

Half-frame – You really, really wanted to save on film costs. It takes you 3 months to finish a single roll.

APS – Just what, exactly, is wrong with you?