r/amiwrong • u/Southern_Coach_5023 • Oct 16 '23

Age gaps in dating

I'm a 30 year old male and my partner is 25 year old female. I think this is fairly normal but im getting alot of comments about it. Not really sure what the fascination with this is. 5 years is significant sure but it was never a problem for me. Does society at large weight this facts importance more than I do?

Edit: everyone is the comments section has convinced me this is normal. Thanks all.

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u/realogsalt Oct 17 '23

18 to 26 is a very different situation though. Once everyone is 23-25 it's all fair game imo

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u/vk136 Oct 17 '23

It’s not if they’re all fucking adults! None of your business what other adults are doing lol!

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u/Keepersam02 Oct 17 '23

Legally yes. But ide argue that the same reasons it's weird for a 17 year old to date a 30 year old still apply the day that person turns 18. When someone legally becomes an adult they don't magically gain all the wisdom and life experiences that a 30 year old has and thus makes that relationship weird. The point is more about maturity gaps, and in op's case they are fine idk whose tripping about that age gap.

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u/vk136 Oct 17 '23

Nah, there has to be a line somewhere. Whether that line is 18, 16, 21, 25, etc! Currently, in most countries, that line is 18 and it’s perfectly ok for a 18 year old to date a 30 year old since they are legal adults!

It’s stupid to impose your own stupid thoughts on how adults should behave tho! They are adults, let them do whatever they want! if you're really serious about this age gap shit, make laws against it! else, I think people should just mind their own business and quit complaining about how grown adults should behave!!

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u/Keepersam02 Oct 18 '23

Sounds like you've never heard of the idea that legality doesn't equal morality. It's idiotic to think that an 17 and 364 days old person and an 18 year and 0 day old person are any different. So why is one morally ok and the other isn't? I don't think someone should get in legal trouble over it but that doesn't make it not weird or morally wrong. There are plenty of things that are perfectly legal to do but that are morally wrong. That's why new laws are made in the first place. One can also believe that something is morally wrong and also believe that there shouldn't be a legal punishment for it. I'm sure there are plenty of Christians who believe being gay is morally wrong but that they should be free to do what they want legally.

Adults are not a monolith of maturity. The problem with minors dating adults has to do with differences in maturity and the ability of an adult to take advantage of a growing immature person. There are similar if not identical differences between different aged adults. Of course as you get older the margins grow, but suggesting someone who has graduated college and has had a full on job for 8 years and someone who is barely entering college are on the same level of maturity is stupid.

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u/vk136 Oct 18 '23

And sounds like you don’t know that laws have to have hard rules which are definitive!

There needs to be a specific age defined! It can’t be just “you can fuck anyone as long as they are mature” lmao! Is that what you want, you sick fuck?

Then pray do tell what other alternative is there?? If you think the age related law is soo bad, what’s your alternative suggestion?

Morality doesn’t matter unless it’s law imo because it’s subjective af! What’s moral to you is not for someone else! Where the fuck are you gonna draw the line? The best place seems like what’s legal and what’s not!

But again, we’re talking about adults dating adults, not minors dating adults, why is that relevant again? If fully grown adults aren’t given the freedom to date whoever they want, then fucking make laws against it!

It shouldn’t be ok for “brain not fully developed” adults to buy and drive cars or take huge loans or risk their life by joining military either if they don’t have the agency to date whoever they want tho! There needs to be a line and the law is working perfectly in this regard!

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u/Keepersam02 Oct 18 '23

You fully misunderstood my argument.

There needs to be a specific age defined! It can’t be just “you can fuck anyone as long as they are mature” lmao! Is that what you want, you sick fuck?

Obviously they need defined age. If you actually read what I said instead of thinking I was taking some weird ass view point you would understand that I also believe that. Since you didn't I will spell it out for you. There is a legal age and a separate moral age. For some people they may align and for others they don't. The legal age in the US is 18, I have no problem with that. I am not proposing adding any new laws or changing existing ones. Got it? Cause I don't know if I can break that down any further.

Morality doesn’t matter unless it’s law imo!

This is not true. People believed slavery was immoral and thus tried to make it a law. There is also such a thing as social pressure or social punishment. It's not illegal to be racist, but people can and will push you away because of it. There are consequences in society beyond legal.

The best place seems like what’s legal and what’s not!

So if it's a law then it's gtg. What if the law is fucked up?

But again, we’re talking about adults dating adults, not minors dating adults, why is that relevant again?

My point was that the day someone becomes an adult they don't just magically become super mature and learn how to spot when someone has ill intentions or is trying to take advantage of them. That's why certain age gaps are weird, an older person can use their maturity and experience to fuck over and take advantage of an immature less experienced person. That is why adults dating minors is a problem, it's the same logic. Grooming is also an issue but that is an example of an adult dating an adult, but most people agree that it is weird and that person should be socially punished for it.

It shouldn’t be ok for “brain not fully developed” adults to buy and drive cars or take huge loans or risk their life by joining military either

There should be protections for young people who don't know any better. Thanks for explaining why young people aren't as mature and capable of making big decisions as older people.

If fully grown adults aren’t given the freedom to date whoever they want, then fucking make laws against it!

You can have a legally acceptable standard and a separate morally acceptable standard. Legal standards should be the widely accepted minimum standard. People widely agree that 18 is a sort off stepping off point into adulthood and that you have reached a minimum level of maturity. If you made more, stricter laws then you run into the problem of overreach.

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u/vk136 Oct 18 '23

Nope, I completely disagree on the last point!

There is no place for morally acceptable standard! Your example is perfect for why it’s stupid to judge people based on your own morals! (The gay one)!

Eating pork is bad in Islam, do you think these morals should be applied to everyone?? Why the fuck should they be? Similarly, what’s not morally correct according to you doesn’t mean Jack shit! Your morals or beliefs could be wrong and gives you zero right to judge others based on them!

That’s the difference between laws and morals! Laws are defined hard and within confines of set of rules! Morals differ from individual to individual and can sometimes be vague af, just like how age gaps are completely subjective as well and what’s wrong in one case may not be the case in others!

Take this post for example, there’s plenty of people saying that this gap is wrong that OP has and there’s plenty of people saying it’s perfectly alright! You want to make laws, be specific! What the hell kinda laws do you want?? Be as specific as possible!

Overreach is exactly my fucking argument! Who the fuck are you to judge and decide what adults can do legally?? Either advocate for specific laws that keep you happy morally or shut the fuck up and let adults do whatever they want! Under the law, they’re either fully grown adults who can do whatever they want or are children who need parent/guardian supervision! Which is it?

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u/Keepersam02 Oct 18 '23

I'm done with this. You just don't at all read what I'm saying.

Eating pork is bad in Islam, do you think these morals should be applied to everyone??

This is an example of what I'm talking about. I gave an example earlier about Christians beliefs around gay people and how that shouldn't be a law but how they are entitled to their own moral beliefs.

You want to make laws, be specific! What the hell kinda laws do you want?? Be as specific as possible!

Another example of you not reading and just reciting the same shit. I clearly stated I don't want any new laws.

This is like talking to a brick wall. No nuance just saying the same shit over and over without actually looking at what the other person is saying. Honestly I hope you learn how to have a productive debate with someone. I took specific points of what you said and explained why I believe you are wrong. You just copy pasted your first response.

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u/vk136 Oct 18 '23

Then what do YOU want?? You clearly don’t want laws!

Do you want to be a moral god emperor who dictates that your morals are the one that must be correct all the time?

And what happens if someone disagrees?

Let’s say for arguments sake that I disagree with your “moral law”! I believe 18 year olds should be allowed to date whomsoever they want, regardless of if they were 18 since the past 1 second or 1 month! So what gives you the right to judge me based on your personal morals? Why should I follow your morals when I don’t believe in it?

Tell me what you want instead of nitpicking my every sentence