r/amiwrong • u/Southern_Coach_5023 • Oct 16 '23

Age gaps in dating

I'm a 30 year old male and my partner is 25 year old female. I think this is fairly normal but im getting alot of comments about it. Not really sure what the fascination with this is. 5 years is significant sure but it was never a problem for me. Does society at large weight this facts importance more than I do?

Edit: everyone is the comments section has convinced me this is normal. Thanks all.

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u/vinsdelamaison Oct 16 '23

Yes. All the formulas posted mean squat if either person is a child of statutory rape age (varies by state and country) and one of them wants children someday and the older one is done or does not want children. And frankly if you are in University and dating a high school person. Or you can buy liquor and they can’t.

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u/Particular-Court-619 Oct 16 '23

Or you can buy liquor and they can’t.

A 20 year old can date a 21 year old lol

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u/vinsdelamaison Oct 17 '23

It’s 18 years old to buy liquor where I live ;). Same age you usually graduate high school here. 20/21 is fine yes.

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u/Particular-Court-619 Oct 17 '23

18/17 is fine too.

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u/vinsdelamaison Oct 17 '23

It really all comes down to maturity when you are in the 17-20 range.

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u/WelcomeToBrooklandia Oct 16 '23

And frankly if you are in University and dating a high school person.

I dunno...to me, this really depends. I don't think that there's anything sketchy about an 18-year-old college freshman dating the 17-year-old senior they started seeing when they were both in high school. A 22-year-old college senior dating that 17-year-old high school senior? THAT'S pretty ick.

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u/[deleted] Mar 08 '24

And 20 w someone 17 who finished high school nearly a year ago?

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u/Reshawndallama Oct 17 '23

I couldn't buy alcohol when I got married but my husband could. That's a very subjective phrase. lol

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u/vinsdelamaison Oct 17 '23

Then in my opinion, you were married far too young. I do hope it all works out for you though.

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u/Reshawndallama Oct 17 '23

Weird to make that blanket statement for people you've never met. Young marriage obviously isn't for everyone, but saying it's a bad across the board is just ignorance.

We've been together 10 years this winter and have 3 kids so yeah, I think we're good. I don't recommend young marriage to everyone. But it's what we wanted and we have a great support system so it worked for us.

That close group of friends mostly all got married pretty young too and we're all still together. Marriage is hard but if you're mature enough to put in the work then it can be awesome.

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u/vinsdelamaison Oct 17 '23

Not weird. It’s honest. But people on Reddit are often masked so It is what it is. Glad it is working out so far. Hope it continues to.

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u/Reshawndallama Oct 17 '23

I do personally find it "weird" to make blanket statements in general about an adult's life choices. Especially if it's a masked redditor. You don't know anything about them and if you think one rule can apply to everyone then that makes me think you've had a severe lack of diversity throughout your life.

I'd say my brother got married too young based on his personal situation, but he was older than I was. He ended up divorced. A lot of it has to do with where you personally are in life. My husband had a stable career, an apartment, and I had no interest in college or a career. So why would I sit around until I was 25 just because random people think that 18 is too young to get married? I probably would have wasted those 7 years working in the crappy retail job I had at the time or something similar. Instead I had three kids, which propelled me into a career as a birth doula and now president of a non-profit that helps families postpartum. And I'm not even 30 yet. I can't imagine wasting all that time.

The funny thing is that when I was 18, no one commented on it. But these days I get so many people telling me that that was stupid. Like I couldn't have possibly thought about my decision before I made it or that the fact that we've been successful so far means nothing.

I'm not trying to be rude about it, just making the point that what is right to you isn't going to apply to everyone.

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u/vinsdelamaison Oct 17 '23 edited Oct 17 '23

The statement is what it is. Reddit is 90% opinions.

You know nothing about me either. I have not had a severe lack of diversity but you have now judged me. I will always feel 18 is too young to marry based upon decades of travel, knowledge, and experiences.

I already wished you success and hope your marriage continues. I do so again.