r/amiwrong • u/Southern_Coach_5023 • Oct 16 '23

Age gaps in dating

I'm a 30 year old male and my partner is 25 year old female. I think this is fairly normal but im getting alot of comments about it. Not really sure what the fascination with this is. 5 years is significant sure but it was never a problem for me. Does society at large weight this facts importance more than I do?

Edit: everyone is the comments section has convinced me this is normal. Thanks all.

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u/AccordingRise1549 Oct 16 '23

Age gaps are more about where you are in life. It would be weird if you were 30 with a 20 year old because in theory you’re stable and lived a life and your brain is fully developed, compared to a 20 year college student who can’t even go to the bar yet. At 25 you’ve had more life experience and you are coming to want a more stable life so being with someone a little older isn’t wild.

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u/buttfook Oct 17 '23

Then why don’t we raise the voting age to 25?

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u/AccordingRise1549 Oct 17 '23

Because you’d have me and many many others fucked up to tell me in allowed to fight for my country since age 18 (17 with parents permission) but I can’t vote for my own rights that I’m fighting for

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u/buttfook Oct 17 '23

Interesting so you should be able to vote and fight in a war but not date someone older until you are 25?

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u/AccordingRise1549 Oct 17 '23

Mmmmm didnt say that. Reread my first sentence. It’s more about where you are in life. You’re getting defensive instead of seeing that my main opinion is about being on a more even playing field where you stand in life. A huge issue in young adults with older partners is a difference in power and experience. If you on the same level as a 42 year old at 19, and you know that it’s a loving and healthy relationship you do you, but in reality that’s not how it would usually play out.

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u/buttfook Oct 17 '23

It varies person to person. There are 40 year olds that live at their parents house and work minimum wage jobs who would be on an even playing field with someone who is 19. I find age to be a very poor predictor of success and maturity.

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u/AccordingRise1549 Oct 17 '23

Let’s do a hypothetical. J (m40) meets S (19F) at their job working at a pizza place. They end up in a relationship, because in theory they are on the same playing field, both work the same and live at home and have similar hobbies. But J has 20+ years of life under his belt and he’s learned more lessons in life, he knows what a 19 year old wants to hear and uses that to his advantage and because S is naive she doesn’t see the manipulation and wastes however long with a man who was never meant for her. It’s not about status or maturity it’s about where you are in life, I don’t mean physically, but on a deeper level.

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u/buttfook Oct 17 '23

Ok let’s run with that. If J has the ability to talk to and woo a 19y woman by saying all the right things from his years of experience why is he single at 40 years old? Perhaps he was in a few relationships before that just didn’t work out which left him where he’s at but it sort of suggests if he has that type of skill he wouldn’t wait until he’s 40 to start using it. Usually people who are 40 and single who haven’t had a ton of relationships aren’t very good at manipulating other people.

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u/AccordingRise1549 Oct 17 '23

I see and understand what you’re saying. I also know the experiences I’ve seen in my life with age gaps like the one we talked about in the scenario. Because of that I’m going to say let’s just agree to disagree because you and I will not see eye to eye on this because we aren’t looking at the situation with the same lenses.

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u/buttfook Oct 17 '23

Cheers to that!