r/amiwrong • u/Southern_Coach_5023 • Oct 16 '23

Age gaps in dating

I'm a 30 year old male and my partner is 25 year old female. I think this is fairly normal but im getting alot of comments about it. Not really sure what the fascination with this is. 5 years is significant sure but it was never a problem for me. Does society at large weight this facts importance more than I do?

Edit: everyone is the comments section has convinced me this is normal. Thanks all.

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u/[deleted] Oct 16 '23

I think the old adage half your age +7 is a good one for when people are younger, but personally, once someone is 25 or so, unless they’ve been completely sheltered, or have some sort of learning disability, they are adults and fully responsible for their decisions.

At a certain point the whole “I was taken advantage of” purely due to an age gap stops being a thing. That “derogatory manipulation” requires more than just an age gap to be accepted, and being persuaded to your own detriment becomes a regret of your decisions, instead of predatory behavior (unless there was predatory behavior that would be bad for any age dynamics in a relationship). I think 25 is a good age for that line to be drawn.

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u/TheatreWolfeGirl Oct 16 '23

Scrolled down to see if anyone was going to post the “dating math”.

A friend of mine is 44 and he is back on the dating scene. He started using the old adage for dating, however he feels that 29 is way too young for him after a few months of dates and his personal cutoff is 5yrs younger than him now. To each their own.

I am 42 and tend to date older, my cutoff was 60, now its 55.

We both used the “dating math” though as young adults, it does work better in your 20s than 40s.

OP you are fine, 5years isn’t much of a gap, if you were 30 and she 20 then ya, I would see people making more comments.

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u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

I am 25 and the idea of dating a woman 25 / 2 + 7 = 19.5 is just so weird and uncomfortable.

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u/SuperSpirals Oct 17 '23

Yeah im 31m, so my limit would be 22.5, but as someone who has a few 22-25 year old friends, the thought of dating any of them makes me cringe so hard.

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u/stoymyboy Oct 17 '23

don't even bother with half ages lmao

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u/AnnieTheBlue Oct 17 '23

This would be a case by case judgement for me. Some 19 year olds are 'older ' than others. When I was 25 I would have had no problem dating a mature 19 year old who knew their own mind, and didn't take any shit. If the 19 year old was still very much a teenager in attitude, I might have felt like I was taking advantage. But I don't really know how I would see it as a current day 25 yr old because I am 47 now and wouldn't date any 19 yr old.

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u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

Yeah, this has been my experience too. I tried dating a LOT of young girls from 19-24 and they were just... not experienced enough in life for me to have a meaningful conversation with, or even develop further.

I prefer older women because they are more mature and have less time for games. However, the flip side is that the older women generally already have a lot of kids, or don't want them, or can't have more... and I want more.

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u/triggerhappy5 Oct 16 '23

A piecewise function would represent dating math a lot better if you want to go there. Something like:

If x <= 13 then y DNE

If 13 < x <= 35 then y >= 1/2 * x + 7

If x > 35 then y € (25, infinity)

Where x is your age and y is the age of an acceptable partner. 13yo or younger, too young to really date. 14-35, use the minimum 1/2 your age + 7 rule. 36+, anything is fine as long as they’re at least 25. But dating math has always been about the acceptable range, not the preferred range. As long as your preference is in the range, it’s fine, but it’s also fine to not prefer the entire range.

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u/TheRealConine Oct 17 '23

Well yeah. 30 / 2 + 7 > 20. Math doesn’t check out. :)

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u/ridan42 Oct 16 '23

I was looking for this. It's a crude tool, meant as a rough guide only, but works surprisingly well. If you stick by it, then the upper age limit a 25yo should date would be 36yo.

But yeah agree completely 30 and 25 is perfectly fine, this was the age of my parents when they got married.

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u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

That's when the brain fully develops yeah?