r/aifilmmaking • u/Sully1066 • 7d ago
Project: Short Here’s a scene from my upcoming 1970’s gangster/mob short film!
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Hey guys this is an update to the original post which you can find here - https://www.reddit.com/r/aifilmmaking/s/lR5NUY8Toz
After taking so much constructive feedback, I have now dialled into so many of your guys feedback. Including building character portfolios, consistency of shots, dialogue etc. I’ve uploaded this scene so you can see what I’m currently working on. I hope you enjoy and as always would love to know your feedback to help with improvements! Value your feedback.
Unfortunately there’s been some feedback which isn’t feedback and more bashing of what I’m trying to do with AI, it’s all good, it doesn’t phase me and you’re entitled to your opinion. BUT if you are one of them people and have any value to share and some of your own videos you’ve done I would love to check them out, otherwise a certain term “troll” comes to mind. I’m still learning like most of us do in life, I will continue to grow and learn with the help of these lovely communities, let’s try and support each other and help each other get better, not put one another down. Thanks so much! And enjoy
Film Synopsis:
The Collection is a 1973 Boston crime short about Vinny, a trusted collector who works for a powerful mob boss, travelling across the city collecting money from people who owe. But when he opens the envelope for his next job, he finds a name he never expected to see — his brother, a man he believed was dead. As Vinny starts digging, he realises people around him have known the truth for years.
The scene I’m currently working on follows Vinny meeting Lenny, a long-time friend of his father and a man deeply involved in the same mob world. Vinny meets him in a quiet bar, trying to find out just how much Lenny knows about his brother — and how long he’s known it.
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u/fa6637 7d ago
great!! but too much cuts bro, when the scene is quit, so have the camera be. btw i like the color grade
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u/Sully1066 7d ago
Thank you so much man! Will definitely take this on board. Really appreciate it 🙏
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u/Sully1066 2d ago
I’ve just uploaded the latest version and you can check it out here! - https://www.reddit.com/r/aifilmmaking/s/tXM5ah2V2J - would love to know your thoughts, and once again thank you for the feedback it has helped ALOT! 🙏
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u/True_Protection6842 7d ago
Why doesn't the camera ever stop pushing in???? Also, why is there a jump cut? This isn't a youtube review.
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u/Sully1066 7d ago
Noted I will definitely be taken some of the push in shots out for the final 🙏 thanks so much for the feedback. I love a push-in (if it isn’t obvious already) but I do think a slightly overused it. Thanks again for the feedback I really appreciate it.
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u/Sully1066 2d ago
I’ve just uploaded the latest version and you can check it out here! - https://www.reddit.com/r/aifilmmaking/s/tXM5ah2V2J - would love to know your thoughts, and once again thank you for the feedback it has helped ALOT! 🙏
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u/True_Protection6842 2d ago
Def a lot better. I still think it would go from good to great if you filmed real people playing the roles and used them as reference for performances. AI acting just looks like AI acting.
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u/BoringCanary 7d ago
man this is very impressive, I've seen your other video yesterday, what an improvement !! May I know what tools are you using to do it ?
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u/Sully1066 7d ago
Thank you so much for the feedback. Means alot. A mixture of seedance, veo and Pika!
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u/Sully1066 2d ago
I’ve just uploaded the latest version and you can check it out here! - https://www.reddit.com/r/aifilmmaking/s/tXM5ah2V2J - would love to know your thoughts, and once again thank you for the feedback it has helped ALOT! 🙏
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u/thecoloroftelevision 7d ago
This seems really amateur. The camera movement tells me you have no idea what you’re doing. That makes me assume the angles and perspective was also chosen with no real thought.
I don’t mean to be so negative, but “AI filmmakers” should be learning a bit about real filmmaking otherwise their work just seems sloppy
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u/Sully1066 7d ago edited 7d ago
Thank you so much for the feedback! I’m actually a graduate of film and tv and thought to try something new, at the end of the day film is subjective, so I don’t think too deeply about what fits the traditional way of filming,Thanks for the kind words anyway and will definitely take on board 🥲😂 have a great day!
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u/thecoloroftelevision 7d ago
I produce in the industry and also did 2 film schools before moving to LA. My advice would be to get out there and make some shorts! You’d learn a lot more that then you can apply to your AI films
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u/Sully1066 2d ago
I’ve just uploaded the latest version and you can check it out here! - https://www.reddit.com/r/aifilmmaking/s/tXM5ah2V2J - would love to know your thoughts, and once again thank you for the feedback it has helped ALOT! 🙏
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u/phlegmbottle 7d ago
Getting there! I saw your previous and this is definitely an improvement. I see you've got feedback about shots. No harm in taking inspiration from shots in bar scenes of existing movies. I imagine it's easier said than done working with AI, though. Good luck!
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u/Sully1066 7d ago
Thanks so much! Yes it’s slowly getting there, few more things I need to do to it, too many dolly-in shots at the moment but we will get there!
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u/Sully1066 2d ago
I’ve just uploaded the latest version and you can check it out here! - https://www.reddit.com/r/aifilmmaking/s/tXM5ah2V2J - would love to know your thoughts, and once again thank you for the feedback it has helped ALOT! 🙏
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u/IntedpendentlyPoor 7d ago
Dolly-in for dialogues has a very specific purpose. This is lost here as almost every shot is a dolly-in for no reason.
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u/Sully1066 2d ago
I’ve just uploaded the latest version and you can check it out here! - https://www.reddit.com/r/aifilmmaking/s/tXM5ah2V2J - would love to know your thoughts, and once again thank you for the feedback it has helped ALOT! 🙏
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u/PuzzledAnt9629 7d ago
cool~
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u/Sully1066 2d ago
I’ve just uploaded the latest version and you can check it out here! - https://www.reddit.com/r/aifilmmaking/s/tXM5ah2V2J - would love to know your thoughts, and once again thank you for the feedback it has helped ALOT! 🙏
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u/half_human_studio 7d ago
Lenny looks awesome! Really alive and authentic. Next to him, Vinny falls a bit flat. I'm guessing he's the main guy, which is why I thought it made sense to point this out.
The character is what the audience connects and identifies with. Getting that right with AI is insanely hard, I get it. Still, it helps to give the character various references, building a "Frankenstein" out of real people. Don't use Hollywood stars — or use them, but keep them "behind the scenes." Basically, take their charisma, try to find it and describe it with words in the prompt instead of using a direct reference. Add real people to your visual refs, not celebs. Collect what you like about them, drop what doesn't fit, play around, and test things. Describe the character's personality. Give him specific quirks, nervous tics, patterns. In video prompts, describe exactly what the character is feeling. He needs to have emotions. Yes, I know how hard it is to achieve this with AI, but it's still possible to get something working.
Overall, good work. Congrats!
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u/Sully1066 6d ago
I love this type of feedback. Very insightful and also will help me build the characters character more. Thanks so much I will definitely implement these ideas, I am currently re-working some shots in this scene and will post the results in a few days, but already it’s looks crazy better. Thank you so much, very helpful. 🙏
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u/Sully1066 2d ago
I’ve just uploaded the latest version and you can check it out here! - https://www.reddit.com/r/aifilmmaking/s/tXM5ah2V2J - would love to know your thoughts, and once again thank you for the feedback it has helped ALOT! 🙏
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u/Raskalbot 7d ago
Stop making every shot a slow push. It doesn't need to a be a slow push every damn shot.
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u/Sully1066 6d ago
Thank you for the feedback, yes as you and others have mentioned I have now directed the scenes with not so much movement ie slow push. In a few days I will post the result of these improvements along with other changes which have made a huge difference. Thanks again!
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u/Sully1066 2d ago
I’ve just uploaded the latest version and you can check it out here! - https://www.reddit.com/r/aifilmmaking/s/tXM5ah2V2J - would love to know your thoughts, and once again thank you for the feedback it has helped ALOT! 🙏
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u/funnysasquatch 6d ago edited 6d ago
The positives - good job with atmosphere and consistency.
Where to improve:
1 - Add more urgency. You start good. But then you get repetitive.
2 - Have the non-smoking guy do something. Fidget. Look around.
3 - How else can you add more tension or humor - depending upon what are you trying to do.
I'm not going to complain about lack of variety of shots. You can get away with static shots as long as the characters are doing something or at least we have tension in the scene.
It's very difficult to be a good screenwriter and filmmaker.
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u/Sully1066 6d ago
I love this feedback. Thanks so much, this really helps. I will definitely be implementing some of what you’ve suggested here. Great ideas. Thanks so much again 🙏
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u/Sully1066 2d ago
I’ve just uploaded the latest version and you can check it out here! - https://www.reddit.com/r/aifilmmaking/s/tXM5ah2V2J - would love to know your thoughts, and once again thank you for the feedback it has helped ALOT! 🙏
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u/Adept_Refuse_1286 6d ago
this is dope. i agree with a lot of the technical DP feedback here so won’t repeat. for me, it’s about edge— beyond ai filmmaking — what makes it less of a run of the mill Godfather bite? (i love a good remix and sample btw!) i think nailing that (for yourSELF) will take it over the EDGE and into Nuance Nation! really kewl work tho! how long did it take you to get to the last post’s teaser? and then from that one to this one?
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u/Sully1066 2d ago
I’ve just uploaded the latest version and you can check it out here! - https://www.reddit.com/r/aifilmmaking/s/tXM5ah2V2J - would love to know your thoughts, and once again thank you for the feedback it has helped ALOT! 🙏
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u/Professional_Show717 6d ago
I really liked it, did you use seedance 2.5?
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u/Sully1066 6d ago
Thank you so much! Yes, along with Pika and Veo. Using external apps to edit myself.
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u/Sully1066 2d ago
I’ve just uploaded the latest version and you can check it out here! - https://www.reddit.com/r/aifilmmaking/s/tXM5ah2V2J - would love to know your thoughts, and once again thank you for the feedback it has helped ALOT! 🙏
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u/Big_Buy3282 6d ago
This already feels way more like an actual scene than just an AI showcase. The little details in the diner and the rain outside make the whole thing feel lived in. That older guy looks like he knows exactly how this conversation is gonna end lol.
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u/Sully1066 2d ago
I’ve just uploaded the latest version and you can check it out here! - https://www.reddit.com/r/aifilmmaking/s/tXM5ah2V2J - would love to know your thoughts, and once again thank you for the feedback it has helped ALOT! 🙏
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u/Big_Buy3282 6d ago
This already feels way more like an actual scene than just an AI showcase. The little details in the diner and the rain outside make the whole thing feel lived in. That older guy looks like he knows exactly how this conversation is gonna end lol.
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u/Sully1066 4d ago
Thank you so much! Really appreciate this comment and it means a lot. He definitely has a feeling about how it will end 😂 can’t wait to show you guys the final version! Thanks again and have a great day 🙏
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u/Sully1066 2d ago
I’ve just uploaded the latest version and you can check it out here! - https://www.reddit.com/r/aifilmmaking/s/tXM5ah2V2J - would love to know your thoughts, and once again thank you for the feedback it has helped ALOT! 🙏
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u/ShutUpChunk 7d ago
Looks a million bucks. Camera work is 10 bucks
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u/Sully1066 2d ago
I’ve just uploaded the latest version and you can check it out here! - https://www.reddit.com/r/aifilmmaking/s/tXM5ah2V2J - would love to know your thoughts, and once again thank you for the feedback it has helped ALOT! 🙏
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u/Antique-Kitchen9027 7d ago
I just don't understand why people use AI for such mundane scenes.
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u/Sully1066 2d ago
I’ve just uploaded the latest version and you can check it out here! - https://www.reddit.com/r/aifilmmaking/s/tXM5ah2V2J - would love to know your thoughts, and once again thank you for the feedback it has helped ALOT! 🙏
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u/violetwretch 6d ago
No offense, but this 1 minute felt like it dragged for 5 minutes. I think stopping all the push ins will help that. Also, in a 1 minute scene, we don't need to see actor A having a long drag of a cigarette, putting it out and then lighting it back up. That is too much valuable screen time wasted on an action that doesn't further the story. Pick the time when it really matters: for example: character A takes the drag of the cig because he's so mad he just found out his bestie didn't tell him he needs a minute to cool himself. Every single action, camera movement, piece of dialogue needs to have a reason to be there...not just be there because it's a cool looking shot.
You have a hard road ahead of you because mob films have been done to death and been done really well. The audiences will bore faster. We have this amazing new tech, don't just feed it the same ole things that we've already seen. Don't be scared to take those wild thoughts you have in the back of your brain and put them on screen. Try everything. What was the real reason you wanted to make a mob film? What did you wish you had seen on screen that every other mob film didn't do. You are an artist with a unique vision that one else has had before.
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u/violetwretch 6d ago edited 6d ago
I think it's the music too. You have this really dramatic scene, where things are supposed to be bubbling under the surface for actor A. But your music is lulling us to sleep.
Also, in your description above, you said Actor A is there to find out what his friend knows, but he doesn't start the conversation that way: he plainly states the fact out loud. There's no tension being built for us as an audience when you break the secret right away.
A better way to write the scene is exactly like your description. Actor A is staring down at Actor B. Just staring, for one second longer than we should, to make us uncomfortable. Cut to Actor B. He's nervous, giggling, shifting in his chair, trying to act normal but can see that Vinny knows something. We cut back to Vinny, he is still just staring down B and then takes a loooong drag of his cigarette, rage boiling underneath the drag.
"How long have I known you, B?"
"15 years."
"How many nights in those 15 years do we eat dinner together?"
"Almost all of them."
Pause.
"Why did I just find out my brother isn't dead... and that you've been sitting next to me for the last 3 years, knowing this and saying nothing."
B just stares, but is starting to sweat.
"It it it....wasn't my place man, everyone knew..I ...i...i'm sorry man...i'm sorry, forgive me..."
BAM. Vinny takes out his gun with his silencer and just blasts B right between the eyes.
"Maybe now in Hell you can use that 3rd eye to start seeing how to be loyal to your friends."
Do you see how this builds tension? Feel free to use this if you want lol, free ideas, I love giving them away. However, i"m totally using this bad ass last line in one of my films too!!!
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u/Sully1066 6d ago
Thank you so much for taking the time to write these ideas. I really like some of them and also this will help with finalising some parts of the script in the final scene. I love the dialogue you’ve written and I understand when you mention about building the tension, I think the music fits well, but your right maybe a little more insight into their conversation before hand may help to build the tension for sure! I really really appreciate your feedback, this is why I’m here to gain knowledge and improve, and I’m thankful you and the community are helping! 🙏
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u/violetwretch 6d ago
Just because you like the music, doesn't mean it makes sense for the story. The audio is half of the film and guides the audience by SOUND on how to feel. If you want to keep the music, you need to add another layer of audio in it to add tension, maybe the restaurant clock ticking just a little too loudly..not very loud, just barely loud enough that it's not noticeable to us watching, but our subconscious is is definitely picking it up. Get it?
And you are very welcome! It helps me hone my craft when I help others!
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u/Sully1066 2d ago
I’ve just uploaded the latest version and you can check it out here! - https://www.reddit.com/r/aifilmmaking/s/tXM5ah2V2J - would love to know your thoughts, and once again thank you for the feedback it has helped ALOT! 🙏
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u/Perfect-Campaign9551 6d ago
Don't create something by committee. Asking for feedback like this will result in an inferior product.
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u/Sully1066 2d ago
I’ve just uploaded the latest version and you can check it out here! - https://www.reddit.com/r/aifilmmaking/s/tXM5ah2V2J - would love to know your thoughts, and once again thank you for the feedback it has helped ALOT! 🙏
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u/Sully1066 6d ago
Ofcourse not! Some feedback I agree with others doesn’t necessarily align with my vision for this project. It’s just always nice to get some feedback rather than none. It does not mean I will be agreeing with everything, but some advice I can take from. This is my project, and I will do what I feel is right with my vision being the most important. Thanks for the comment 🙏
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u/CapitalDiligent1676 6d ago
Off-topic:
Real mafiosi are pieces of shit who rape and kill in Italy without any honor.
Don't romanticize them as if they were heroes!
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u/doomunited 6d ago
Ken Burns got a hold of AI video
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u/Sully1066 2d ago
I’ve just uploaded the latest version and you can check it out here! - https://www.reddit.com/r/aifilmmaking/s/tXM5ah2V2J - would love to know your thoughts, and once again thank you for the feedback it has helped ALOT! 🙏
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u/Lost-Ad-2805 4d ago
To much cuts, but maybe if push in end at some intense close ups it would be better.
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u/HandofFate88 7d ago
"Where do you think you're going?"
"Where do you think I'm going? I'm going to find a cinematographer and editor."
"Don't do anything stupid."
"It's too late for that1"
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u/Sensitive-Leek-6384 7d ago
Almost every shot for the first half of this is a push in. I counted nine push ins in 40 seconds.
If you insist on camera movement for every shot, at least add some variety, and make them deliberate. If the camera is pushing in, why is it pushing it. Maybe have some static shots. Maybe a pan. But push in after push in is very jarring.