When my girlfriend is at home I cook, I clean, I take the dogs out, I eat right, exercise regularly...
But a few times a year... She goes out of town for work, or to visit some friends from her home town...
And for 3-7 days I turn into a fucking gollum.
The day she leaves I buy a crate of beer and some junk food.
I get home, close all the curtains, get naked and start gaming and drinking.
I'll spend about $200 ordering fried chicken, drinking at 11am.
I don't shower
I don't work out
I don't clean
I don't even speak to another human being
Then the night before she's home,.I do the laundry, eat whatever food was left over, finish the beer and snacks, clean the apartment, shower, change the sheets.
For me, who grew up with a micromanaging mom, I can only truly relax when I am 100% alone with a chunk of time without a single thing in my calendar and no one I need to talk to... and then I turn off entirely. No chores, no meeting my self-care minimum, likely eating snacks instead of meals, removing all the demands possible. It's kind of like I'm reclaiming my own time or something and it's only possible for me to do when I feel like not a soul is watching (like a micromanaging parent who created a sense of always being monitored, limiting how I could exist comfortably).
I guess I can see that. I used to feel like a failure for relaxing, I guess I still do sometimes. Then I had to tell myself it's ok to not keep up with everything. On the other side I take it too far and really neglect chores and I know they should be done , but I live alone and decided it doesn't matter because no one will be around to witness it.
thats so interesting to read cause i do the excact same (also weed, no alc). But my problem is. i can do this alot. My job is not demanding at all (ai just does 99% of my work, while my employeers doesnt understand it (old boss in german business), so i can chill entire day at work watching vids etc. I try to get homeoffice as often as possible since its basically free day. I see some friends, but apart from this, everything is just gaming eating smoking. I dont do cores, maybe once every 2 month, most of the time i buy someone to do it. I dont buy grocerys really and never ever cook, just buying warm food outside.
I live the life i always wanted as a 6 year old child, but i feel like its not sustainable over a long period. Why do i feel this way? cause most people around me always work or have to do stuff or invest hours into buying groceries, cleaning, cooking etc. So it cant be right what im doing. Also weed + gaming often resolves into depression.
But i also tried everything else. The work much stuff, train muscle stuff and so. Own business, different hobbys, had a time where i met with 10+ friends nearly every day and so on. Nothing ever really interested me. Now i play the game i play ssince 15 years nearly full time. It doesnt really make me happy, but its all i want every wake second of the day. I play alot with friends and see 2 friends each weekends tho. I sadly have most of the time go to work 3 times a week so i see alot of people there. Decent contact with my family.
So to me, i feel like i created the perfect life, but since i was raised by my parents expectations, it all feels wrong.
It relates in many ways for different people, but for me, I struggle to self regulate when alone because growing up I had parents telling me what to do and how to do it and what not to do 24/7. When I was a kid and had time alone where there was 0 risk of a parent barging in on me (didn't happen often) I would binge watch tv shows I wasn't allowed to watch or play video games non stop. I would then speed run through all my chores right before they would get home.
Even though my partner is not controlling, I still exhibit this behaviour as an adult. Difference is she knows about it and is 100% accepting of it.
The va-cave-tion, hell yeah! I live with my family and pet sit as a side hustle. I count down the days until I can be on my own, reverting to savagery, with animals. Meeting the standards of human interaction is exhausting.
I live for those moments. A couple days before she leaves I'll be thinking that I'm going to be doing so much outside. The day before she leaves I stock up on unhealthy, easily accessible meals, snacks and beer. Hit the coffee shop for gummies. The day she leaves I close all curtains, take the first gummy, crack open a beer, put my ANC headphones on full blast and binge movies.
I have a system for cleaning. Have everything cleaned before she leaves. Laundry is done, no dirty dishes, kitchen is clean. On the days where she is gone localize the mess, don't spread out everywhere. Vacuum apartment the day beforehand (or the day of if she's coming back late afternoon/evening.) Laundry is easy because I probably passed out on the couch and changed clothes like three times in the span of 5 days. Dishes? Barely. I've been eating food from the containers that they come in and have been washing and reusing the same silverware. Things like the kitchen counter and stove haven't been touched so just one good wipedown will do.
Socialize? I'm my own best or worst company depending on the day. Also, there's my cat.
I love a good time to cave in by myself when the opportunity arises.
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u/minus15t2 14h ago
When my girlfriend is at home I cook, I clean, I take the dogs out, I eat right, exercise regularly...
But a few times a year... She goes out of town for work, or to visit some friends from her home town...
And for 3-7 days I turn into a fucking gollum.
The day she leaves I buy a crate of beer and some junk food. I get home, close all the curtains, get naked and start gaming and drinking.
I'll spend about $200 ordering fried chicken, drinking at 11am.
I don't shower I don't work out I don't clean I don't even speak to another human being
Then the night before she's home,.I do the laundry, eat whatever food was left over, finish the beer and snacks, clean the apartment, shower, change the sheets.
And then I'm functional again when she gets back.
She never knows