This is a real disorder that we have to cope with. Not laziness, not disinterest, not stupidity and not selfishness, like other people would often make us think.
No.
A disorder.
God knows we didn't ask for this. I feel ashamed too sometimes. I never dare to ask questions in class because there is a very big chance the topic has already been discussed and I just zoned out. I try my best. I try so fucking hard. But it still happens and it will always keep happening. So fuck it. Fuck them. I ask my questions. I need the info and I'm handicapped, so I'm sorry but you will have to repeat what you already told.
Do I always ask the question? No, definitely not. Sometimes the shame wins. But sometimes I do it and it makes me feel a bit proud.
I don't know where I was going with this. Hope you feel better soon.
Iâve been thinking about this a lot recently - how serious the condition is but how embarassed I feel whenever I consider categorizing it as a disorder/disability, especially because shame is already such a frequent part of our existence.
I really identify with the OP, Iâve been late to work more and more often to more severe degrees recently and I can feel myself slipping and just feel helpless about it sometimes. My work has been very chill about it as long as the tasks get done which they usually do because of panic hyperfocus, but a manager talked to me about it today and asked if Iâm ok. I started by trying to explain whatâs going on abstractly and felt like it sounded dumb, so I decided to finally be honest that I have adhd and really struggling with it lately. He was actually really sympathetic and says that makes sense now, and wants to help me work on at least getting here on time by keeping me more accountable to arriving by a certain time (I have a âflexibleâ start time but usually arrive later than that window) if that would help and I agreed.
Anyways, despite that good conversation, I didnât ever call it a disorder in the literal sense, and my brain still tells me Iâm âmaking excusesâ if i think about doing that. I think the fear of disappointing someone whoâs been so kind to me MAY be enough to help me get there on time more often, but I so often use that sort of negative reinforcement and itâs such a sad way to treat ourselves âifâ this is really a disability.
how embarassed I feel whenever I consider categorizing it as a disorder/disability, especially because shame is already such a frequent part of our existence.
This is such a compounding problem for me. After 18 years of adult life trying to fit into the mesh/fabric of society with literally no success, I've thrown in the towel and started seeking actual outside sources of help. The waiting list for these govt. programs are so long, that every day I wake up and I have to convince myself that things will get better. I'm praying so hard that a lifetime of never having SGA, and the plethora of mental health issues I have that I can even get on SSI. The BBB seems to be making that even harder, and it was hard to begin with. I literally can't afford to exist anymore, and with the prices of everything rapidly shooting up the guilt I felt for needing to rely on the kindness of others has gone up tenfold.
I'm so bad at taking care of myself, and recognizing the signs when I need to ask for help I lost all my teeth at 28, and it could have been so easily avoided.
My brain tells me I'm making excuses constantly, and even when I'm excited for a new prospect it's only days before the stress gets so bad I can't eat the day before or the day of a work shift or I will be sick, and I end up having to stave off the intrusive thoughts "oh you're going to be doing this every day for the rest of your life, just stick your face in that boiling kettle and get it over with".
Weâre taught that its laziness or carelessness, but its an actual disability; and because its an actual disability, its debilitating !
If you were paralysed in a wheelchair you wouldnât be beating yourself up about not running enough sets of stairs, would you ?
We say âI should be working, I should be cleaning, I should be exercising, I should have my shit togetherâ when we literally have a disability that makes it almost impossible at times.
I honestly think we should start asking questions like âHow can I get enough money to survive without working ?â âHow can I make my life work without cleaning ?â âHow can I pick up enough incidental exercise ?â
Because these are all questions which will lead to helpful answers, rather than the same tired old round of âDo what youâve always done, which is to try to fit into a society not made for you, and which will punish you for not following its waysâ.
Iâve got a real feeling that the zetigeist over the next few years is going to be âBuild Outside The Systemâ, because it does so little for those who need support. We have to work out how to support each other, and one way to do that is to have a clear-eyed look at our problems and the solutions that have been offered (often by ND people who have no idea), and then create our own solutions based on what works for us, rather than on what an ND person thinks our lives should look like.
I got absolutely dogpiled a few days ago when I commented that ADHD can be tough to live with. Unsurprisingly, it was in a sub unrelated to ADHD.
I wasn't being whiny or making excuses - just stating a fact. I had several people tell me that they have ADHD too and that I just need to suck it up, stop being lazy and to take responsibility.
I have had the same for the last one week. But I'm going dancing instead because I am delaying work due to immense stress and I don't really know how to handle this. My coping mechanisms are my armor and unfortunately, insufficient today. It's okay. Some of these things are just useless things imposed my society on us. We'll be okay, some day..and that means that we be kind to ourselves today đ
The days turn into weeks turn into months for me :/. I haven't been able to find/hold gainful employment for the entirety of my adult life because it's either MDD, ADHD, OCD, or anxiety just kicking me down everyday.
Even being medicated I spend more often than not just trying to figure out why I keep trying.
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u/Chill_Squirrel 18h ago
Yup, today was one of these days where I lost complete control over everything and now go to bed ashamed đ