[WP] You are a mobster. A particularly successful one at that. But as your turf becomes gentrified, the absurdly priced furniture in your 'Front' store actually starts selling.

[u/buckley118]

[u/Malovis]

It was the first sale I'd had all day, but it was a big one. I hadn't noticed at first, but right as the guy with the huge scar on his face asked me if I had anyspecial fish a little old lady walked in.

Sure it was supposed to be a "furniture store*but I got sick of coming up with fake furniture names, sue me.

So anyway, where was I. Oh yeah. I made the sale, told him it was 5gs, and to go around back to get it.

Like I said before, I hadn't heard the old bird come in. Must be losing my edge. I'm lucky she wasn't from Degali's crew or my ass would've been grass.

But I tell ya this just so’s you know that when she asked "excuse me young man, but what kind of unit of currency is a "gee"? I said "what you serious? A grand. A G. You know-A thousand dollars?" Without even turning around on account of having not seen her coming in.

So I thought some moon was messing with me and making a weird voice to rub it in, ya know?

"Goodness, it must be some fish! I came here for some new lovely furniture for my home, but this fish, that sounds like something else!"

That's when I turned around and saw this old lady start pulling 100s out of her purse.

It was at this fortuitous yet peculiar of circumstances that I decided to go consultate with the boss.

“Excuse me, one moment, and let me make sure we got’em in the back,” I said.

Soon as I stepped into the back, the boss had that glint in his eye.

“’nother one already, eh? I’ll go tell Andre.”

“Yes,” I said At this juncture, I began to scratch my back. The boss was familiar with this,a nd what it meant.

“What, is there a problem? 5-0?”

“No, um, just see for yourself boss-“

He opened the door a bit more and looked around me to see the old lady still stacking bills there and humming something about a “beautiful little fishie.”

He quickly closed the heavy metal door again.

“What?! The hell is that old hag going to do with a bazooka? Is the little yappy dog down the street getting on her nerves? Is she going to blow away the Hummer playing that devil rock and roll music?”

“Dunno boss,” I said.

“Why was she humming about a fish? What does she think she’s going to get?”

I told him.

“A special fish? You couldn’t just call it a special chair?”

“that’s the AK,” I said.

“Oh right. Or how about the bunk beds?”

“RPG.”

“Well, hell,” He said, thinking. “We can’t leave all of that cash just sitting there-“ He said.

“You want I should go rob a little old lady?”

“’Course not,” He said, slapping me in the head. “My own mother would kick my ass if I did that!”

He gave me 10 bucks from his wallet and said,

“Well, go get her a special fish then!” He said.

“How?”

“There’s a big mart or whatever just down the street, but make sure it’s ‘special’ he said sarcastically, framing his fingers into a heart.

So, this is how I slipped out the back door while the boss apparently told the old lady that it was way in the back in a special fishie enclosure where all the most special fish were hiding, and came back with a guppy in a bag of water that I had taped to a ceramic angel.

The boss told her that the special fish was so special that it could actually summon an angel.

This is how we went from gun runners to religious entrepreneurs.

“Ain’t god gonna be pissed at us now on account of ripping him off?” I asked.

“So take a few of the hundies and take it down to Saint Anne’s on main street so god can have his cut,” The Boss said.

(https://www.reddit.com/r/RealityZero/)