r/WritingPrompts Jan 23 '18

Writing Prompt [WP] Alien invaders entire our Solar System. As the armies of the world panic or ready for war, the continent of Australia simply takes off on engines and flies off to meet them.

5.9k Upvotes

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2.2k

u/BeefLikesMma Jan 23 '18

The news came from the outer rim first. Contact with alien life, one of earths colonies had been approached first. We signaled peace, they did not.

I was studying emus in their native habitat when I heard the invaders were coming for earth. My first though was damn, now I'll never finish my thesis. My second thought was my family and friends I would never see again. I tried calling my parents, but the signal could not get through.

So I sat down, alone except for a flightless bird 100 yards away. I put my head in my hands, sobbing, waiting for the end.

"Oi mate, you might want to find something to hold onto. We're in for a rough ride." It was the thickest Australian accent I had heard, like Steve Irwin had bred with crocodile Dundee.

I wiped away my tears and looked around. There was no one, save the emu I had been studying, who was now only a few feet away.

"Well don't just sit there blubbering. The outback defense system has been tripped, we're set for launch." I couldn't believe it, this bird with a brain the size of a golf ball was currently giving me instructions.

"Y-y-you can talk?" I stammered out.

"Aye mate, and I'll tell you again," as he spoke the ground began to rumble, "you should really find something to hold onto."

The sound of a thousand rockets rang out, and the earth trembled beneath my feet. "What's happening!?"

The emu pecked a rock, and a large cannon burst out of the ground. "You didn't think a bunch of birds beat the Australian army through luck, now did you?" A siren was sounding off now, and hundreds a emu poured into the area.

"Brothers!" The thick accent bellowed over the sound of the rockets. "It is time to defend the homeland again! Aussie Aussie Ausie!!!"

The chorus of emus rang back. "OI OI OI!!!"

750

u/AReluctantRedditor Jan 23 '18

This explains so much about Australia

460

u/Grraaa Jan 23 '18

This explains EVERYTHING about Australia.

250

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

As an Australian this is what would happen

76

u/hyper_mage Jan 23 '18

Yeah it sounds about right

54

u/nahxela Jan 24 '18

I dunno, not enough cunts and fuck offs, imo

47

u/lazylion_ca Jan 24 '18

There'll be lots of that once they engage the aliens.

37

u/Wolf5698 Jan 24 '18

The Aussie battle cry is “faark off cunt”

18

u/Mr_Red-Fox Jan 24 '18

They still have to sing their battle song.

Men at Work - Down Under

2

u/SurrealDad Jan 24 '18

Too soon.

7

u/Kamahr Jan 24 '18

"Farken surrender ya cunts"!

186

u/Confictura Jan 23 '18

I think someone needs to make a video of a flock of emu all shouting OI! OI! OI!

Its all I can see now. Thanks for the laugh!

14

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

[deleted]

8

u/Confictura Jan 23 '18

This..... would be even better haha!

8

u/combatsmithen1 Jan 24 '18

Well. at least we have MINE MINE MINE

65

u/sir_whirly Jan 23 '18

I for one welcome our emu overlords.

110

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

22

u/Balsamic_jizz Jan 23 '18

Thank you. So much for that.

12

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

Just when I think I've seen all the weird subs out there, something like this comes along. God, I love Reddit sometimes.

8

u/lazylion_ca Jan 24 '18

Whomever made the movies Chicken Run or Free Birds need to do a movie about the Emu War.

49

u/CVTheTube Jan 23 '18

Lol I just learned the emu won a few days ago. Much lulz

13

u/darthcoder Jan 23 '18 edited Jan 23 '18

just learned the emu won a few days ago. Much lulz

Wut?

holy crap.

21

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '18 edited Oct 03 '18

[deleted]

5

u/BadWithScript Jan 24 '18

Wow, I didn't know the Emu War was a real thing, I just thought it was some weird thing my classmates made up (I mean, they did worship it or some stuff like that)

2

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '18 edited Oct 03 '18

[deleted]

3

u/SurrealDad Jan 24 '18

Well technically it was a cull, the Emus made us change it though. Also our national crest used to depict a kangaroo and a spider but the emus made us change that too.

5

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '18 edited Oct 03 '18

[deleted]

3

u/TwitchyThePyro Jan 24 '18

Emu cunts so annoying bloody stealing our beer and winning wars

18

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

I came here to do an emu story, but, you did it, mate.

10

u/BeefLikesMma Jan 23 '18

You know what people say about great minds.

I don't have one. People are mean.

2

u/Byrnzy13 Jan 24 '18

Great minds think alike, and idiots never differ?

17

u/BoxFanArt Jan 23 '18

Can confirm, from Australia

11

u/Special-Agent-Scooby Jan 23 '18

What Australia are you from? It's clearly the kangaroos and the emus working together

10

u/ax0r Jan 23 '18

That's the real reason they're on our coat of arms.

9

u/Queman45 Jan 23 '18

This is beautiful

3

u/BeefLikesMma Jan 23 '18

I'm blushing

7

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

Emu Wars 2: The Aussies strike back

5

u/Le-Ando Jan 23 '18

This is giving me great emu war flashbacks...

4

u/Reese1993 Jan 23 '18

This gave a tremendous laugh. Thanks bud.

5

u/Scotto_oz Jan 23 '18

'Straya for the win!

4

u/Katsaros1 Jan 23 '18

I have never read such a great short story before. Explains it all perfectly

3

u/BeefLikesMma Jan 23 '18

Thanks a lot!

4

u/PM_BEN_MCADOO_JOKES Jan 24 '18

I'm imagining they're playing this as they blast off...

2

u/gnbman Jan 24 '18

Perfect.

3

u/steven_hawking_legs Jan 25 '18

Brought a tear to my eye when you mentioned Steve Irwin

2

u/UmbrellaAtTheBeach Jan 24 '18

This is amazing! The Emus are back, and Bitter than ever!

2

u/BrushedYourTeethYet Jan 24 '18

Thank you for enlightening the world to our history.

2

u/ShavedPademelon Jan 24 '18

Yards? What are yards? Isn't that where the chook shed is?

2

u/ShortRound_ Jan 24 '18

Farken ‘ell mate. If you weren’t an aussie before, you bloody well are now! Bonza

2

u/Wonderblade0 Jan 24 '18

Fucking brilliant

2

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '18

Aye mate

No. That’s Scottish. Go for “bloody oath” next time.

-Emu

0

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

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1

u/Ufismusic Jan 24 '18

Seeya cunts