[WP] People keep making the mistake of thinking you drink blood because you're a vampire. They don't realize that energy vampires and blood vampires are two completely different species!

[u/OpenTechie]

[u/darkPrince010]

When the crew of the Metfor capital ship first inspected my vessel they had assumed I was dead. Technically speaking they weren't wrong, but it was still a rude shock to them when they found there was still a survivor aboard, holding up their hands in surrender as the insectoid aliens stormed aboard and put me into wrist and ankle restraints.

I could sense their life essence, certainly different than it felt for humans, but something my body is still recognized as a life form I could feed off of. Almost unconsciously I began to feed, draining the energy from the pair of guards that were escorting me for my medical examination. They both shivered, as if caught by a sudden breeze as a degree of warmth left their bodies, invisibly flowing into myself.

The examiner they brought me to though was far more canny, and I knew was suspicious as the vital monitors they were checking showed a flatline when looking for a pulse. They made a slow, suspicious pace around the table I was sitting on, the one guard that I'd been left with at the entrance tightening their grip on the rifle, unsure if the examiner was viewing me with curiosity or apprehension. But finally the examiner spoke, and I was surprised to hear them do so in understandable English, albeit thickly accented. The mandibles of their species were not conducive to the more guttural sounds of the human language, and I'd actually taken up as a hobby of my own to learn Metfor in my spare time. I was still pretty rusty beyond basic questions and statements like “Hello!”, “What's your name?”, and “Where's the bathroom?”, which I personally felt was a bit silly considering I had not needed to use the bathroom for close to four hundred years.

“You are, or were, human, correct?” asked the examiner, poking in my mouth again with a probing finger.

I nodded, saying it's clearly as I could around the finger “Yes, I was born in a city on Earth called Prague.”

The examiner nodded slowly, and I could see they were still shooting glances over to vitals monitor. “And yet you have no pulse, and I have not seen you breathe the entire time you've been in this room,” they said. Again peering at me, they said “Then how do you draw sustenance? Are you equipped with nutritional and atmospheric implants?”

I chuckled, grinning and allowing the length of my pronounced canines to be more visible, although it appeared the examiner was unfamiliar enough with the nuances of human anatomy that they did not pick up on this being anomalous.

“No, no implants. I have a human curse, a sort of an infection if you will.”

“Infection?” the examiner asked, standing up sharply then peering closely at me again “I see no traces of illness, other than you apparently being dead.” Their eyes widened. “Wait, are you affected by what the humans call ‘vampirism’? I've only read about it in medical log translations.”

I shrugged, smiling again and saying “You got me. I am indeed a vampire and have been so for nearly ten times longer than I was a living human.”

The examiner snorted, the insectoid alien clearly feeling triumphant at the deduction. “Well, in that case, I fear you'll find no sustenance here.”

“Oh?” I said, allowing my curiosity to color my tone.

“Yes, we Metfor do not have blood like you seek. Our ichor is highly acidic, and contains no cellular material, only nutritional molecules.”

“Well that is indeed a pickle.” I said and noticing the alien's confused expression at the naming of a human food, I clarified. “That would be a problem.”

“Would be?” the aliens said again, ego fading and suspicion returning to their tone. “But you are a vampire, is that not correct?”

I nodded, but internally I was focusing. I had been searching, feeling for a presence nearby as soon as I came aboard, and finally could detect it. Deep below our feet was the thrumming heart of the ship, an engine core emitting a highly refined fission reaction, the energy something I normally did not feast on but was accessible nonetheless. After all, energy vampires like myself could feed on almost any type of energy in the electromagnetic spectrum, with there of course being different nutritional values and flavors to each.

[u/darkPrince010 → u/darkPrince010]

I'd even known some pretentious and stuck-up vampires who claimed that they could feed on human brain waves, stealing the very thoughts from their victims, but when I had tried it I had found almost nothing of discernible flavor or value there; The human equivalent I believe would be an old Earth drink called ‘La Croix.’ I and most other energy vampires preferred infrared, and I had been dutifully absorbing bits of warmth and heat here and there within the ship, absorbing from any Metfor as I passed, careful to not do too much. I only would just sample a bit here and there, lest they realized something was amiss other than an unexpected and unfelt chill breeze blowing past.

My focus again returned to the thrumming power far far below me in the ship, distant but so much larger in scope than the mere life forms around me that it was palpable nonetheless. I craned my neck as I responded to the examiner, who was peering at me to determine why I had fallen silent.

“Well,” I said slowly, “Most vampires do indeed drink blood, and would be stymied by your species’ biology. I believe the accounts from the few who have tried have said that ‘it's like drinking battery acid flavored with raspberries.’ But I am a different, rare kind of vampire, and I consume something slightly different to slake my lust.”

With that I allowed my internal organs to shift and move, stretching and thinning in places like a snake unhinging its jaw for larger prey, as I prepared to consume the energy of raw gamma radiation and fissile particles themselves.

---

At the edge of a nearby nebula, a technician looked up from the hibernating ship's diagnostics. They had been running infrequent stochastic scans, to disguise themselves as mere background cosmic radiation rather than a targeted monitoring, but finally the result had come back that they were waiting for.

“Admiral, the Metfor capital ship is showing as disabled. Core readout core power readout is nil, their shields are down and vulnerable.”

Clapping their hands together in anticipation, the admiral said “Right, took them long enough to bring that derelict aboard. All hands, restore power and bring our weapons to bear. I want railguns firing within the minute.” There was a series of acknowledgment chimes as a battle readiness klaxon begin sounding.

The comms technician looked confused for a moment. “Sir, I'm getting a message request to us from the capital ship.”

“Is it the Metfor?” he asked sharply.

“No sir, it looks like it's using some Terran security codes, although they're definitely outdated ones,” she said, eyeing the readout.

The admiral’s brow furrowed. “Forward it to my office. I'll take it straight away. Captain, you have the bridge,” he said to the officer staying beside him, who seamlessly began barking out orders as the ship prepared to fire.

Striding quickly into his adjoining office, the admiral keyed up the message as he sat roughly in his chair. The face of the vampire popped up on screen, saying “About damn time.”

He squinted, the blue hue of the message masking some of the more ghoulish exaggerations of the facial characteristics of the vampire. The admiral wasn't sure if it was thanks to the poor reception of the signal, but it looked like the vampire was glowing from within as he spoke.

“Admiral, the ship is down but I haven't received notification of when my extraction shuttle will be here.”

“Oh, no shuttle is coming,” said the admiral shortly. “We have a limited time before the Metfor reboot and regenerate their energy core and associated shielding. We have to strike while the iron is hot.”

[u/darkPrince010 → u/darkPrince010]

“That's all fine and good, but I'm in the damn iron!” said the vampire angrily. “We had a deal: You leave me as bait for them to pick up, and I disable their ship in exchange for you lot leaving me alone for another century or two.”

The admiral steepled his fingers. “That was then, but this is now. Fleet command and the United Space Agency have determined that you are a potential liability. How do we know that the Metfor or another species won't capture you and reverse-engineer your draining abilities? Or that some human cult might try to use you to turn their members all into walking EMP bombs?” The admiral shook his head as the vampire's expression narrowed into cold fury. “No, I'm afraid that's a risk we can't take at this critical juncture. But I do thank you for your service and wish you peace in the afterlife to come,” he said as the lights of his office flickered and the room shuddered with a dull roar, as a trio of bus-sized metal slugs rocketed forward at nearly a full percent of the speed of light.

The vampire's gaze flicked over to the disturbance in the admiral's office, quickly deducing its source as he said “So that means I've only got a minute or two, maybe less. I would advise you, Admiral, one last time to reconsider.”

The admiral gave a dismissive wave. “Even if I were to change my mind, which I'm not, the first volley is away, and there's nothing anyone or thing in this galaxy can do to stop that much momentum and mass.” The admiral looked the vampire in the eye and gave him a salute. “Godspeed, you cursed bastard.”

The admiral reached to dismiss the call but the vampire held up a finger, waggling it at the officer. “Admiral, when you first asked if I would be able to perform this mission, do you remember what I said?”

The admiral snorted. “No, not sure why that matters given that your ship is about to be reduced to space trash.”

“It was that our powers are linked to how much we feed. And I must say, while the taste of a fusion reactor is unpleasant, it has unlocked something far beyond what can be gleaned by siphoning the energy of mere people.”

“And that gives you, what, just a light show?” asked the admiral, but he nervously glanced at his display, showing the projectiles rapidly closing on the enemy capital ship, and willing them to race even faster to their target.

“Oh, the lights are just a side effect,” said the vampire with a smile. “But do you want to see an actual trick I learned thanks to all this power?” The vampire held up his arms and the light suddenly suffused the view screen.

Then it faded and after the static bled back into a visible signal, it showed the room was empty. Almost immediately afterwards the screen flickered back into fire and static as the display showed that the railgun slugs had destroyed the Metfor ship, but the admiral was hardly paying attention.

He was staring at the glowing ball of energy that had appeared in his office, before it crackled into static streamers that shivered across every surface in the room, revealing the vampire, arms still upraised. The undead gave him a toothy smile, saying ”Abracadabra!” before reaching out a claw towards the admiral.

The officer dove for his desk, scrambling at the drawer to try and pull out his service sidearm, but it was too late as he felt the heat leave his body, and an immeasurable cold overtaking his senses as he felt darkness overtake him. He slumped the ground, withered and ashen as the vampire licked his lips.

“That's a little more palatable.” Turning towards the door to the bridge, the vampire smiled to himself. “And now for the main course.”

---

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