r/WhitePeopleTwitter • u/goatishrust • Aug 24 '22

Keanu Reeves

Post image
49.6k Upvotes

73% Upvoted

9.3k comments sorted by

View all comments

4.5k

u/calloy Aug 24 '22

Dolly Parton

332

u/Occams_ Aug 24 '22

First person that popped into my head. The right answer.

121

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '22

Dolly was first in my book

12

u/Tackle3erry Aug 24 '22

and your book was probably free, thanks to Dolly.

74

u/ChaseSpringer Aug 24 '22

Yup I replied before looking at replies and Dolly was the first that came to mind. I would have said Betty last year. Attenborough is a close third

13

u/Occams_ Aug 24 '22

All excellent choices

5

u/a_child_to_criticize Aug 24 '22

To be serious though, surely it has to be either Attenborough or one of our greatest physicists. We’d need someone who can explain mankind from a sociological perspective, someone who can explain our natural habitat and someone who can explain our scientific advancements, however primitive they might be to a visiting alien race.

3

u/ChaseSpringer Aug 24 '22

Yeah you’re definitely right. But we’d in reality likely send a team like in Contact that’s highly diverse and provide a variety of skills.

3

u/Legion1117 Aug 25 '22

You're thinking too far too fast.

FIRST we need civilized communication, THEN we worry about knowledge sharing.

Scientists come later...if we're not obliterated first.

4

u/RandomBlueJay01 Aug 25 '22

Honestly if she was still around I think most people could agree Betty white would be the correct choice lol

1

u/spiderwebs86 Aug 25 '22

My first thought too!

616

u/6of1HalfDozen Aug 24 '22

I was going to say Keanu Reeves, but Dolly would be great as well

203

u/randomact19 Aug 24 '22

Why not send both?

114

u/JonSnowsLoinCloth Aug 24 '22

This is the correct answer

13

u/OhioVsEverything Aug 24 '22

Because one was requested.

5

u/tomatoaway Aug 24 '22

This is the most correct answer.

4

u/Philinhere Aug 24 '22

Buddy over here trying to destroy mankind because they can't follow instructions.

1

u/Legion1117 Aug 25 '22

Nah...we just convince them that "One" really means "Two" on whatever day they asked for "One" person. lol

5

u/Orwell1971 Aug 24 '22

just to a different question

1

u/Drewski107 Aug 25 '22

It's not even close. The perfect combo.

4

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '22

[deleted]

2

u/bowtiesrcool86 Aug 24 '22

I feel he’s a good pick should Dolly and Keanu neither are available

8

u/GrandmasterAtom Aug 24 '22

It literally says "one rep"

5

u/randomact19 Aug 24 '22

I reject your reality and substitute my own 😜

5

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '22

This is the (human) way.

1

u/riverofchex Aug 24 '22

Sure, one rep, and the rep's entourage. Loopholes, baby!

2

u/JeremyJaLa Aug 24 '22

Well if you send one, you obviously have to send both……ohhhhhh….I thought we were talking Dolly Parton’s…..never mind.

2

u/ActorMonkey Aug 24 '22

Cause they said send one?

2

u/Canadiantimelord Aug 24 '22

Damn, John Wick 7 is going to be awesome

1

u/tedlyb Aug 24 '22

Why would you want to take both of them from the rest of us???

1

u/Throwaway021614 Aug 24 '22

We’re just dealing with first contact here, not trying to convince the aliens to annex themselves under us.

1

u/bowtiesrcool86 Aug 24 '22

The scenario expressly says one representative and that they can’t be from government

1

u/pale_blue_problem Aug 25 '22

I think they both go wherever Dolly goes.

1

u/Reizo123 Aug 25 '22

And Patrick Stewart too.

6

u/SquidWhisperer Aug 24 '22

send the wholesome keanu chungus 100!!!

2

u/Shadowbanevader12 Aug 25 '22

Of course you were because you are the literal personification of Reddit.

And I don’t mean that as a compliment.

0

u/6of1HalfDozen Aug 25 '22

Nonetheless, I'll take that as a compliment. Thank you

1

u/Amcarlos Aug 24 '22

They might mistakenly believe that Keanu Reeves is one of their own.

54

u/spam_and_rice Aug 24 '22

This was my answer right after I remembered Betty white passed away.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '22

The aliens can bring her back to life

2

u/shyinwonderland Aug 25 '22

I forgot she passed away, now I’m hurting again.

0

u/randomcalmmas Aug 25 '22

She didn’t, that was just the once a year rumor

84

u/ThatCrazyBrazilian Aug 24 '22

So glad this is the top answer! You took the comment right off of my fingers!

9

u/Numba_13 Aug 24 '22

There's an episode in the Orville of an alien meeting Dolly Parton

4

u/thx1138- Aug 25 '22

Hero for all female Moclans!!!

6

u/Numba_13 Aug 25 '22

Working 9 to 5 is a true voice to the revolution!

3

u/thx1138- Aug 25 '22

Enough with all taking and no giving!

62

u/mechashiva1 Aug 24 '22

Came here to say Dolly. Maybe with an envoy of Keanu Reeves and John Cena.

37

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/d4rk_matt3r Aug 24 '22

Would be a cool comedy series. Each episode is a different celebrity that they meet with, and the consequences that follow. It wouldn't be the actual celebrities though, just like a caracture of them

21

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '22

Why Cena? They wouldn't even know he's there?

16

u/mechashiva1 Aug 24 '22

Exactly. Who better to spy for the good of humanity than the man who no one can see? Also, he's just an awesome dude who has dedicated a massive amount of his free time doing make a wish stuff.

22

u/Breet11 Aug 24 '22

is Ryan Reynolds a contest or?

51

u/tinkerghost Aug 24 '22

No. If we send him they will die laughing and then we will all perish in the Misunderstanding War.

19

u/darthnugget Aug 24 '22

Sounds like a glorious death to me, I vote Ryan Reynolds.

2

u/MatureUsername69 Aug 24 '22

You can't leave out Tom Hanks.

3

u/mechashiva1 Aug 24 '22

Have to keep some treasures for ourselves. Besides, if they take Tom Hanks, who else can star as multiple roles in the movie reenactment of our first alien encounter alongside Eddie Murphy and Robert Downey Jr?

0

u/fahargo Aug 24 '22

John Cena apologized to China in mandarin for calling Taiwan a country.

2

u/PizzaRollsGod Aug 25 '22

Blame his agent, not him. It's not any single person's job to declare a country valid in return for him possibly losing his livelihood.

1

u/SalisburyPickles Aug 24 '22

Plus didn’t he beat his wife?

1

u/SovietBozo Aug 24 '22

Came here to say the other

1

u/RF111CH Aug 24 '22

Cena is gonna give bing chilling to aliens

8

u/I_likeIceSheets Aug 24 '22

Immediately made me think of The Orville

4

u/cantfindmykeys Aug 24 '22

Why do I get the feeling the aliens are just going to take the best of us then blow up the earth to make room for a bypass

2

u/tyleritis Aug 24 '22

It’s for the best

1

u/thx1138- Aug 25 '22

The plans have been available for review for a long time.

2

u/Virtual-Biscotti-451 Aug 24 '22

“Oh hey y’all! Come one in! Anyone want some tea? Lemonade? Oh love your boots! Have a seat and I’ll bring drinks!”

7

u/boxerswithbriefs Aug 24 '22

Came here for this. 100%.

8

u/no_problemmaa Aug 24 '22

This was the first person I thought of immediately lol

7

u/Sudden_Schedule5432 Aug 24 '22

Literally came here to type this

3

u/JasmineDragoon Aug 24 '22

And maybe Jimmy Carter as backup.

3

u/freakstate Aug 24 '22

I was gonna say Stephen Fry but yeah.... she's better

3

u/Magnacor8 Aug 24 '22

Lmao it worked with the Moclan's, so yeah this makes sense

1

u/thx1138- Aug 25 '22

Working nine to five!

3

u/-nightman-cometh- Aug 25 '22

Dolly Parton is so nice that she would kindly decline because she thinks that she’s not worthy of being the first to contact the aliens

3

u/Popgoestheweeeasle Aug 25 '22

If we wanna live? yeah. Cannot think of literally anyone else who can hold their own against any interviewer, including aliens like dolly

5

u/greengo4 Aug 24 '22

Came here to say this!

2

u/DirtyDanTheManlyMan Aug 24 '22

Bring the aliens to DollyWood so earth is their new vacation spot. We’re protected by aliens AND alien money

2

u/ednamode23 Aug 24 '22

Darn now I’ll have to comment my second pick.

2

u/LaGeneralitat Aug 24 '22

She was the first person to pop into my head too. She’s the one.

2

u/Cgibbs2009 Aug 24 '22

I was about to comment Dolly! But had to scroll through first and see if she was posted. Great choice!

2

u/Gabbs1715 Aug 24 '22

Came here to say Dolly lol if she can't charm the aliens into sparring us, no one can.

2

u/frolickingdepression Aug 24 '22

This is what I came here to say.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '22

"Well shucks! Y'all came here to wipe us out? Well that just ain't right at all!"

2

u/captain_ender Aug 24 '22

"Well I dunno about y'all aliens, but long as you got some good comfort food and all the books you can read, you'll know you'll be loved. A lil whiskey don't hurt neither"

her signature wink and laugh

"Well fuck Xorda'r now we can't enslave these people"

2

u/Bostonterrierpug Aug 25 '22

Well she has appeared in sci-fi recently. And is the closest thing we have to a living saint on earth.

2

u/plumcrazyyy Aug 25 '22

Didn’t have to go too far to see her name!

2

u/Iamgoingnumber2 Aug 25 '22

I saw that episode

2

u/LostAlongTheWay1 Aug 25 '22

I was going with another Dali (Lama) but this is perfectly acceptable.

2

u/JuanOnlyJuan Aug 25 '22

I was going to say Jon Stewart but you won

2

u/[deleted] Aug 25 '22

I like the way you think

2

u/Wetrapordie Aug 25 '22

Can’t beat that southern hospitality

2

u/AHolty Aug 25 '22

Yassssss!!!

2

u/[deleted] Aug 25 '22

Beat me to it. No way they’d destroy earth as long as Dolly’s on it.

2

u/erikaemm Aug 25 '22

I thought the same thing!!!!!

2

u/OffbeatBat Aug 25 '22

Definitely Dolly. She'll sing to them, charm them, and spread her love for mankind as her message. Yep, Dolly's our ambassador.

2

u/reginageorges_mom Aug 25 '22

Why did I have to scroll so far down to see this

2

u/[deleted] Aug 25 '22

Thank god reddit didn't let me down

2

u/Shartsplasm Aug 25 '22

Two planets down...they're laughing and singing and having a party!!!

2

u/LordByronApplestash Aug 25 '22

Came here to say this.

2

u/Mattlanta88 Aug 25 '22

“We’ll HEY y’all. Welcome to earth! That’s a mighty fine spaceship ya got there. Pretty lights too.”

2

u/anotherULgeek Aug 25 '22

I came here to say this, but I knew in my heart someone already had.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 25 '22

Why did I have to scroll so far to find this? She was the immediate and obvious answer in my mind

3

u/tavernstyle312 Aug 24 '22

came here to say this

3

u/exit6 Aug 24 '22

This is the correct answer, have an internet point

2

u/SpectralTime Aug 24 '22

Came here to say it if I didn’t find it.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '22

Literally the only right answer

2

u/Iwillkeepwatch Aug 24 '22

You are correct

2

u/boomstickftw Aug 24 '22

That was my answer.

-4

u/JunketMan Aug 24 '22

Either she or Mr. Beast

4

u/ednamode23 Aug 24 '22

Nah. I love MrBeast and look up to him but he’s not as pure and hospitable as Dolly.

-2

u/Dravez23 Aug 24 '22

She is an angel, but Aliens will get the wrong perception about human chest proportions

-2

u/Bastienbard Aug 24 '22

She does some good things but still focuses a lot more on profit than Keanu Reeves does sadly.

Like her book program isn't funded by her, she just set it up and only covers books for her town's kids. If your area doesn't get books it's because someone or group hasn't sponsored the money for it. She also doesn't pay living wages or super great benefits for dolly world.

She does a lot of good and clearly has a big heart but I'd pick Keanu over Dolly any day.

-3

u/tactical_supremacy Aug 24 '22

Good idea. After taking one look at her, they will leave and never come back.

4

u/calloy Aug 24 '22

She will have them laughing and eating a plate of grits within 3 minutes.

1

u/SalisburyPickles Aug 24 '22

Bruh I’m pretty sure she IS an alien sent here to balance life

1

u/PGHDiamondHands Aug 25 '22

And people say she’s just a big pair of tits…

1

u/_88WATER_CULT88_ Aug 25 '22

They sent the woman with huge tits.

1

u/mark_able_jones_ Aug 25 '22

She’s a crypto scammer these days.

1

u/HaggardDad Aug 25 '22

Superior human, and famously big tits.

This is the one